[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by ShellM

thanks to everytone for thier well wishes. So the rollercoaster ride begins. We were not banking on government adoption... but thought why not put our name on the list (3-4 year wait for a newborn). We did all the paperwork, attended an info session, came back from our vacation early for a meeting which they cancelled last minute... now we find out we are unable to be accepted, as it must be a year since any miscarriage/traums etc. That leaves us waiting until Feb 07. It made so much sense to get started now, but cannot. I just let these things bother me too much I guess? We are so ready to adopt, but I am not sure if I can handle the new ups and downs that come with the whole process. I guess the best is to keep looking forwrd. Do you know if agencies have that same "rule"? I should call and check. If so, why bother paying for the seminar, application... I am so frustrated. We, our doctor and counsellor all feel we are ready. Arghhh.

It is a rollercoaster that is for sure. But I have NEVER heard of such a thing as making you wait after a miscarriage. OUr agency sure didn't. We were through our homestudy visits and nearly approved when the anniversary of our miscarriage in 2001 came around.

I sure hope you can get started...

[ShellM]

Well, I called AO... they say the government seems to follow "old" practices. AO doesn't have the same rules, and agrees that everyone is different, so having a set time period where everyone must be ready again is ridiculous. The lady there really put me at ease. She answered a few other questions too that were bothering me. She siad my husband would need to be present for all of the homestudy visits. That confuses me, as at their info session they said some of it could be done without him there. And then she said there is a couple meeting, then a meeting with each of us individually. So, if we're being seen individually, doesn't that mean the other one isn't there?! Maybe she misunderstood me. Anyways, it sounds like they're very flexible and can work around our schedule.


I guess one good thing that came out of that government application meeting, is my husband and I realised what we wanted in a child. We were very open to race, known health history, etc... but now after the meeting we seem to have changed our minds. The lady was very pushy in what we were willing to accept as special needs etc. We went home and had a long discussion (although of course, we had already discussed all of it before, but it was so much more real now). We think applying for a caucasion child (or mixed) is now what we'll do. It just seems it would make things alot easier in the long run. Of course, we would love any child, but we've waited so long, why not wait for our perfect match. The special needs too, we would love our child if it had or developed anything, no question. But, we think requesting a healthy newborn is what we'll do.

Anyone mind commenting on their child desired list? I felt so shallow there, ticking off who we'd accept, who wasn't good enough for us (that's how it felt). It seemed so cruel. But on the other hand, we didn't want to click off everything there just to be kind. (??)

[polkadotghost]

We started out with the government also and were also told we had to wait a year. They do bend that if you want a child that is hard to place ie. older or severe special needs. It was shortly after we did the homestudy with the government that our friend introduced us to our now daughter's birthmom.

Yeah that checklist is pretty horrible. We told them when we were doing it that it makes it very hard when its all yes or no because there are so many grey areas. You can't help but feel like you're shopping. The system really needs to be revamped badly. My sister adopted through the government. After 2 years of being played around (they felt at 26 she and her husband were too young) they were finally matched with an adorable little girl at 2 yrs old with only mild physcial delays. Then less than a year, they adopted her newborn half sister. Both girls are doing amazing. The youngest has some mild breathing problems she'll grow out of and the oldest has mild speech delays and will be smaller always.

Try to hang in there the process is long and can drive you crazy. AO is much smoother than the government which gets bogged down in lack of staff, etc. For our homestudies I wasn't there when she interviews my hubby and visa versa. Then she interviewed us together.

[Leigh131313]

Yes, it IS horrible...

BUT, it's important to remember, this is about what is best for the child. There WILL be a home out there that is looking for exactly what you are not, and THAT is the home the child should go to. One where there are no hesitations.

Maybe if we look at it differently....it's not about what we will or won't accept...It's about letting them know what you should or shouldn't be considered for.