[newbiejo]

Hey All,

I have been reading everything we need to do for our homestudy as I rec'd the pkge from our adoption practitioner, and the questionaire is awful-- I was warned that it asked personal questions but these questions are VERY personal--I also had a bad childhood with my stepfather and I wil have to answer all those questions as well-- How did all you feel when you havd to answer these questions??

Jody

[Happy123]

I hated answering some of the questions so I kept some very brief. I loved the one about how is my husband's and my sex life (How is your compatability?). I just said fine no problems. When I switched over to our county to do the home study after starting w/ our agency it was much nicer.

Happy123

[blessedbybug]

I actually found our agency questionnaire much easier than the 34 page questionnaire from Children's Services. I would be honest about your history. Mostly they want to know how/if you've dealt with things in your history. After all, you have no control over what happens to you in your childhood but if you haven't dealt with it, it may (and I say may...doesn't for certain) affect how you parent. JMO...

In another note... one of the reasons Bug's first mom picked us was that we didn't try to cover up some of the difficult things in our past. She found us to be honest, not perfect. In fact, there was one devestating thing that happened to in my family that I hesitated even discussing. She had experienced something similar in her family. That was a common bond that drew her to us.

So you never know... be honest and brief. You don't have to go into detail. If they want to know more, that is what the homestudy visits are for.

Good luck on your homestudy and adoption journey!

[newbiejo]

Thanks ladies, I'm glad that I'm not loosing my head about these questions-

Happy-- yes that is one of the questions I almost chocked on!! Why do they need to know this stuff? Its all very weird!! We'll see what happens.

jody.

[michellesnook]

Jody,

Wait until your SW is in your living room asking you those personal questions!! Then you've got to figure out how to word these things to be honest, but not give away too much info!

The hardest part for us was also about our sex life (which is frankly none of her business! - as long as the kiddos aren't exposed to any of it..) but after 4 years of infertility and doing it 'on demand' we were going through a bit of a sexual draught..does it really matter if we haven't had sex in 2 months? No not really..oy..

Oh..by the way..I'm Michelle from Ottawa :-)


Michelle

[newbiejo]

Hey Michele from Ottawa!! Have you adopted a child yet? How long have you've been going through the process? We have just started as you've probably read -- I understand about the sexual absence!- After almost 6 yrs of TTC, and now we miscarried the twins in uterus and one in the tube- as a result, the right tube burst and I almost died!! My RE didn't see the tubal pregnancy--Thats why we thougth we'd try adoption-- all this intrusive stuff really makes me ask myself if this is what we want!!?


Jody.

[michellesnook]

Jody,

We have one son who is 2, and we are hoping to adopt again. We are done our homestudy and are just waiting for a match..the waiting is the hardest part...(way harder than the homestudy! ) :-)

Michelle

[phills]

Hey Jody,

As for the questions about your life, relationships, family history, etc, etc. What I found out was-my family is just as crazy as my hubby's family, just in a different "non obvious" way!

My hubby and I talked about things that we had just "skimmed" over previously, ie: how his Dad made him feel as a child. Basically coming to the conclusions that he was 'emotionally abused' Pretty rough stuff to realize, but actually very theraputic for him.

I realized how screwed up my relationship with my Mother was/is/was, and how that effects how I parent my kids today.

All in all, they are very obtrusive, which is very uncomfortable, but we got through it, and I'm sure you can too!

I don't remember a sex question? But there could be!

[Leigh131313]

Our questions weren't too bad. The ones that really baffled me were the ones about "what kind of parent will you be" how the heck do you know???

The funny thing is, now that we are going through it for the second time, we didnt have to fill out the questionares again...I'd actually know my answers better now..LOL

agencies are silly
Leigh

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by phills

Hey Jody,

As for the questions about your life, relationships, family history, etc, etc. What I found out was-my family is just as crazy as my hubby's family, just in a different "non obvious" way!

My hubby and I talked about things that we had just "skimmed" over previously, ie: how his Dad made him feel as a child. Basically coming to the conclusions that he was 'emotionally abused' Pretty rough stuff to realize, but actually very theraputic for him.

I realized how screwed up my relationship with my Mother was/is/was, and how that effects how I parent my kids today.

All in all, they are very obtrusive, which is very uncomfortable, but we got through it, and I'm sure you can too!

I don't remember a sex question? But there could be!

We actually found this too, that there were things from our past that affect even our relationship with each other or other people that we hadn't recognized or talked about yet. It gave us a forum to talk about some things that had never come up before. We had some very good talks in preparing for our homestudy.

Not only that, but I loved hearing DH tell SW how much he loved me, lol! I know he does but he is a man of few words, unlike me, lol!

Yeah, some of the questions are very intrusive...it is just part of the process. As I recall, no one dwelled on the "sex" question in our HS.

[mumofone]

Oh, how I remember the questions from CAS. It took us forever to fill out the pages....lol

I honestly don't think there was anything regarding our sex life. Like you, Michelle, the sex on demand would put anybody into a dry spell for a while. It was easier than wondering if I were pregnant.

I told our Social Worker that we would adopt again as long as we didn't have to fill out all those pages of questions/answers again. We had to do it twice, and that was enough. She told us not to worry...no need to do it again. She will just have to do a brief update to our homestudy, and then we are good to go. YEAH

Blessed, we told our worker we will only stay on the list until the end of this Summer.

[michellesnook]

Do you know what happens to your homestudy if you adopt privately twice, and then go to CAS for the third time...can you just update your homestudy? Or do you have to start all over from scratch because you are going a different direction? I'd be willing to pay my SW for an update..but I'd hate to start alll over again!!

Oh..maybe I should wait until we find and adopt #2 before worrying about #3 :-) LOL

[mumofone]

Michelle, our homestudy (CAS) is good for 2 years, I believe. Our Social Worker usually updates in once a year, and it doesn't take long.

A private homestudy is acceptable to CAS, but I don't think a CAS homestudy is allowed for private.

My best advice, always keep it updated, it will cost less money in the long run.

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by michellesnook

Do you know what happens to your homestudy if you adopt privately twice, and then go to CAS for the third time...can you just update your homestudy? Or do you have to start all over from scratch because you are going a different direction? I'd be willing to pay my SW for an update..but I'd hate to start alll over again!!

Oh..maybe I should wait until we find and adopt #2 before worrying about #3 :-) LOL

Again, I don't know if it varies by province. But with us, we got the call that we were approved with Children's Services four days after DD was born (through a private agency...it happened quick). When we were ready to go again, they just asked us to answer a few questions, do the criminal checks, etc and had a couple visits. It was not near as extensive.

[gunsmith101]

The "Questions" are mostly to see if you have any closure to any past... It is also to see how you were able to deal or cope with things in your past in order to make you a better person and possibly a stronger couple...
We were not asked about our sex life because I also had a troubled past.. In our interviews with the SW my hubby was asked those question. ( was never Asked) anyways the waiting after post accepted homestudy even though we have lots of matches for a sibling group is killing us.. Any othe suggestions how to pass the time more quickly????