[psalm23]

My husband wants to adopt my two boys but I don't know where the BF is or how to contact him, he hasn't seen the boys in seven years though every once in a while he'll call and leave a message (usually drunk). They don't want to talk to him or see him and they really want my husband to adopt them, he's their "dad". But, I don't know how to proceed, do I need to terminate BF's rights? And what if I can't get him to consent? I have the forms but don't know what to do with them. Please help.

[jsimon]

I posted a reply to your other post. You gave a bit more info here. It is considered abandonment if the BF has failed to either contact the boys or pay child support. You will need to terminate his rights but because of his inconsistency at being a father it should be an open and shut case, so you do not need his consent. He will need to be served with the Citation to Appear, the Petition to Declare Minor Free From Parental Custody and Control and the Adoption Request. He then will have the opportunity to plead his case either for or against the adoption in court. It would be a lot easier if he signed over his rights but you mentioned he probably wouldn't. I would try that rout first. We had to go to court a couple times before the BF finally signed his rights over with and agreement to give him some visitation. If you cannot locate him you usually have to prove to the judge that you tried to locate him and the judge will sometimes let you post an add in the newspaper notifying the BF of the adoption and notice to appear.

I hope this helps a bit. Good luck keep us posted.

[StressinSanMateo]

You may want to check out the Nolo book for Step parent adoptions it was really helpful and gave a CD of all the forms and steps. They may not all apply in your county but usually the court clerk will be helpful in understanding your process. Try your library first it was a good way to get started for me. Good luck!

[stepadoptionblog]

If he has not seen or contacted the boys in seven years than you can file to have his parental rights terminated due to abandonment. If you do not know where he is, or how to contact him then you can publish a public notice in the paper. The notice will run for 30 days, announcing your intention to have the children adopted. If he does not respond (usually within a week of the last running of the notice) then the court will continue with the adoption as though he consented to it.

Since you are in California, there is a great book published by Nolo (nolo.com) called How To Adopt Your Stepchild In California. I know of families whom have used this book to complete their stepparent adoptions, and so far the feedback has all been positive.

[psalm23]

Ok, so I have the Nolo book but I'm not sure if I should proceed as a willful neglect or an abandonment case?

The BF has not seen or talked to my boys in 7 years and I closed our child support case becuase we didn't get any money from him and I just didn't want anything to do with him anymore.

So now, I'm trying to fill out the forms myself but I'm not sure which route I should take. We have no idea where the BF is.

[zxczxcasdasd]

From what you're saying, go with abandonment. Best wishes.

[StressinSanMateo]

Your county clerk can be very helpful in these cases. Some counties abandonment is easy and others willful failure is easy. Check out ABJs Mom's postings I think she has a lot of information that could help. Sometimes if you can't find him the court wants to know if you can find his relatives and if that doesn't work then the posting in the newspaper. The Nolo book has a detailed section on showing your search efforts in order to get the approval for the ad.
Good luck.