[Ashies Mom]

My step-daughter has been with me for the past 6 years. My husband has full custody of our daughter. Her mother saw her last about 5 years ago and then sent us a email stating that she was going to stay away from us and our daughter cause she was "bad news". Mind you - she was 6 months behind in Child Support. I am the only mother my daughter knows. She is aware that she has another mom - but does not ask for her (our daughter is 9). She doesn't know what her mom looks like. The only family she knows is mine. I am the one that has raised her and supported her for the past 6 years. I filed a petion to adopt the other day. We don't know where my husband's ex is. She has had zero contact with us. Do we have to terminate her rights or does DCSF do it for us? My husband got a divorce from her in the state of Idaho. Their Child Support case is through Idaho court. My husband has been living in California for the past 6 years.

[zxczxcasdasd]

I don't think it matters where the divorce ot child support order happened, only where you are living now. You have no power to terminate her rights, only the court does, and you will need to make every attempt to notify her to give her a chance to sign or contest now (it sounds slam dunk, 5 yrs is definitely abandonment) so that nothing can be contested later. DCFS should walk you through the process. But expect the process to be LONG. Ours was completed three years after we filed and it was pretty straightforward. Be prepared to wait a long time to get your case opened (when the mediator/investigator will contact you) have a bumpy ride (when the bmom is served with paper of the notice for the adoption request) and just hang in there.

Best wishes to you. I was able to adopt my child after 5 years of no contact from the bmom and even though the process was emotionally charged and a little scary (you have to find and open contact with the absent parent as part of the process because they have to be given a chance to defend themselves or prove they haven't abandoned the child) it was so worth it in the end to know that my son can now feel totally secure in the course of his childhood and to see my name on his brth certificate.

[AJBs Mom]

It all depends on the county you live in. Some may take longer than others. OUrs only took 10 months. YOu file in the county you reside in. SOme counties actually assist in location and notification of the biological parent. It all depends. There was a case a while back where the jurisdiction issue did come up. Look up all threads by TOXY. He went through that. However in the end he was just getting a run around and his adoption did go through. The california state law is one year no support or no contact. I think five years is good enough. I just would wait till the process gets a little further before you do make contact with the bio mom to tell of your intentions. In my county the DCFS actually filed a report in favor of termination and the adoption. We just had to file the petitions and go to court. A lot of the time you can get the packet of papers to do this.

[escanda]

Hi,

I also live in the state of California. My son's bfather has not had any contact w/him for the past 4yrs and has not paid any c/s in the last 2yrs. my husband filed a petition for adoption. but I was told that I need the consent from the bfather, although i have no idea where he is at. I have file petitions w/others agencies and they also can't seem to get a hold of him. it's like the earth just swallowed him. my question is did you have to get a lawyer to terminate the rights or did the court do it.

[AJBs Mom]

I would just slowly see what your county says, see you need to do a diligent search for the bio parent however you do not need to neccessarily find him or her, see I published mine in a newspaper because I could not find him. You just kinda have to go through the hoops set out for your county. A lot of the time they help you through it all also, so just wait for your response from the courts or social worker. You do not neccesirily need a lawyer.

[crystaly]

The best thing to do is get the book "How to adopt your Stepchild in california" by Frank Zagoni. It will walk you through the entire process. AJBs Mom is right about it depending on the county. It could take a long time. Or it could all happen really fast. Talk to the social workers in your county and find out about the process and exactly what you have to do.

[Ashies Mom]

Thank you all for your comments - they have helped so much!!!

We have had some phone calls with her in the past 5 years, but not once did she want to talk to my daughter, nor did she ever send a birthday card on her birthday. She got married and then divorced. She has a perscription drug problem and last we heard was in rehab somewhere. I got the packet from DCFS last week, I will be sending it back this week. Kinda afraid - that she will now want to be a mother, now that what she called "the hard years" are over and that my daughter can fend for herself. Just don't want to send my daughter to a parent that she doesn't even know.

[AJBs Mom]

Dont be scared. Just do what you have to do. the few phone calls if she did not ask to talk to her than it does not count as contact . THere is also token effort. A judge sees through that. What you should do is find out how your county does it. What county are you in. If she requests contact with the child you go back to court on the child custody case, unfortunately you would have to do that in idaho since that is where that case originated. You might want to petition for a change of venue to get it moved to california. Since in a sense she does not have custody of the child anyways you can make it hard to continue visits with the child. Read my thread and see how I did it. She more than likely would get supervised visits anyways. THis si once you find out what is going on with her once she finds out about the adoption. Just dont jump the gun on anything.

[Teresa K]

Having lived in Idaho for longer than I care to mention, terminating rights is relatively simple for a step parent adoption, providing she is still there?? Either way, a friend recently went through this and the first thing the lawyer told her to do was contact Child Support in writing stating she didn't want services because if somehow your husbands ex should be found and a check attached for support it is considered support, even if not paid willingly. If you need an address or phone number PM me, I know them well.
Teresa

[Teresa K]

Originally Posted by AJBs Mom

Dont be scared. Just do what you have to do. the few phone calls if she did not ask to talk to her than it does not count as contact . THere is also token effort. A judge sees through that. What you should do is find out how your county does it. What county are you in. If she requests contact with the child you go back to court on the child custody case, unfortunately you would have to do that in idaho since that is where that case originated. You might want to petition for a change of venue to get it moved to california. Since in a sense she does not have custody of the child anyways you can make it hard to continue visits with the child. Read my thread and see how I did it. She more than likely would get supervised visits anyways. THis si once you find out what is going on with her once she finds out about the adoption. Just dont jump the gun on anything.

Sadly, venue can't be changed for step parent adoption. It must be done where each parent is a resident. Also, in my case I left Idaho with the permission of the court for employment and education reasons. The ex does NOT pay child support BUT I am the one who left, therefore I am the one who must provide all transportation for visitation. Moving a child, or making it hard to visit will not impress a court at all. It appears in Idaho visitation means far more than paying child support. Also, my charming ex is an habitual felon , but no crimes involving minors therefore it took a court order for supervised visitation, if I want a court official to supervise it is at my expense. Often what seems right, is the polar opposite of what the law says. But on a brighter side, if her last known address was in Idaho, they allow publication for 30 days then it is over.
Teresa

[AJBs Mom]

no i was saying changing the venue of the child custody case. If he has no contact he would not show up for that hearing anyways. What ever idaho is making you go through sucks trust me. Because in ca the person who is the non custodial parent pays for the supervised visits.And the adoption case is to be held in the place where the child resides. There has been adoptions done through here where it was contested that they werer in the wrong place for filing but it was still it went both ways. I dont understand much. Except that our adoption case was held in a diff county then the one the child custody case. And the child custody case was brought up with in the adoption process. I would read a little further and investigate some more , that is the most you can do.