[zonybel]

Hi everyone!

Here is my situation. My oldest daughther (now 12) is not my husband's I have been married for the past 11 years. Miguel (my DH) is the only man she know as a father. Her bio father lives in Mexico and he didn't want anything to do with me or her once he found out I was pregnant. When I married my DH we decided not to tell her and he has been the best father she could have. We never cared about legal stuff but we think it is now time to make it legal.

Do any of you have any idea of how can I start this process? the bio dad lives in Mexico I know how to find him and I sure he will give up his rights since he never cared for her, but do any of you know how the state laws are as far as the father being out of the country? Where do I start? We don't want to hurt our baby so we don't want her to ever find out. Will the court ask for her to show up? Do any of you know how expensive it is for this process in San Diego? Any lawyer suggestions? I feel lost but I think it is about time to give my DH the place he deserves.

Any help or comments will be much appreciated.

Thank you in advance.

[crystaly]

Since she is 12, the judge will tell her whats going on and make sure she knows shes being adopted. I think 12 years is when the child has to give their consent too. If you don't want her to know maybe you should just leave things the way they are.

[AJBs Mom]

That is right. She makes the decision. SHe must be informed of the adoption. My daughter must be informed and she is only 4 years old. The law prohibits it from being a secret. Doesnt she have a differant last name any ways. The thing is you think lieing to her is protecting her but in the long run it will hurt her. You just file for the adoption like normal and when it comes time you will need to go to mexico and get a consent signed. There are two differant kinds one for in county and one for out of country. I remember the social worker talking about them when we went for our orientation.

[Kallen330]

Is your ex an American citizen or Mexican citizen?

[zonybel]

Hi Kallen,

My ex is a Mexican citizen. I really feel lost. Don't know what to do.

[Kallen330]

Well, that is definately going to make it a little more difficult. I'm afraid your going to have to break down and hire an attorney.

The United States has jurisdiction over it's own citizens when it comes to termination, adoption, etc. but a citizen of another country is a different story all together.

First I would go to the court that handles adoptions in your area and speak to a clerk. I would tell them that the father is a Mexican citizen and you would like to do a stepparent adoption and see what they have to say. They may be able to give you further insight. But the difficulty comes in when you are dealing with not only the laws of your own country but the laws of Mexico as well. The court may feel since you are a citizen and your child is a citizen that U.S. courts have jurisdiction in your case, but this is something that will require an experienced attorney.

I would not attempt this adoption without one.

Get references and recommendations to a good attorney. Make sure that when you interview with the attorney that they have had some experience in a case like yours.

Hope this helps.

[zonybel]

Thank you very much for your advice. I was afraid I had to do this but if we want things to happen we need good help. I appreciate it much!

Thanks again!

Zonybel