[G Sharp]

I need some assistance. My ex-husband has not seen our daughter in 2 1/2 years. He was granted county supervised visits, 2 years ago, due to a document that I had confirming his abusive behavior and drug use. Those visits have never taken place. He failed to show for mediation appointments and take the age appropriate parenting classes ordered by the court. His mother has not seen my daughter in approximately 2 years, but has continued to keep his child support current.

My daughter and I have been living with my fiance for 2 years and we will be married in June. He would like to adopt my daughter. I believe that my ex-husband will contest any adoption. What are our rights and what are his? My daughter only knows one Daddy and her biological father is not it! I appreciate any knowledge or experience anyone can share with me.

[Eventually]

Usually, if a parent is paying child support, that is considered "contact" and therefore abandonment would not apply.

Also, in most states, there is a waiting period after you get married before your new husband can adopt. It depends on the state, but it is usually one year.

[G Sharp]

Does abandonment still not apply to my situation even if his mother is paying the support? If abandonment does not apply, then what would the legal grounds be for terminating the donor's rights? I think that it is only fair for my daughter and fiance to be legally "father and daughter." And my main concern is that in the event of my death, the donor would have all kinds of rights to my daughter. It makes me sick to my stomach to think that a man who is raising my daughter as if she were his own could be taken away from her by a violent drug using sorry excuse for a human being.

[Eventually]

I honestly don't know if it matters exactly *who* is paying the support. It might make a difference though. Would you have proof to show the courts that support is indeed being paid by the bio-father's mother and not the bio-father himself?

Let me just say as someone who has been there, this can be a very difficult process. You mentioned that your daughter's bio-father has a violent drug history. That might be enough to get his parental rights taken away...but then again, it might not be. In my situation, my daughters' bio-father was/is a convicted child molester. My husband and I still had to fight tooth and nail for almost 2 years to get his rights terminated. And then there are those who do a termination rather easily. I guess it just depends on the state and court. I wish you luck with yours.

Originally posted by G Sharp
Does abandonment still not apply to my situation even if his mother is paying the support? If abandonment does not apply, then what would the legal grounds be for terminating the donor's rights? I think that it is only fair for my daughter and fiance to be legally "father and daughter." And my main concern is that in the event of my death, the donor would have all kinds of rights to my daughter. It makes me sick to my stomach to think that a man who is raising my daughter as if she were his own could be taken away from her by a violent drug using sorry excuse for a human being.