[crabluvr]

I am wanting to adopt my dh's 9 yr old son. We have 4 kids combined and his son's mom dies in a car accident when he was 3. He's never known a mother or even a mother-figure, except me. He's by accident, called me 'mom' and the whole family gets along well. There is no blended-family segregation as with other families I've seen. His son loves me and I feel the same way. I want to be his mom, not his stepmom or even his dad's wife. I'm sure he feels the same way.

I haven't discussed this with my dh or my stepson. It's not like the mom bailed on them both, she died unexpectedly and we've never discussed how anyone feels about the subject. It's such a touchy subject but then again he didn't really know her and my dh says he's completely over it. What should I do? Bring it up? Suggest it? Ask questions I might not like the answers to? I need some help!

If it helps, I'm in Stanislaus County...thanks!

Renee

Wow, this is a tricky one. But since you are asking out of love, it should be OK to ask the questions.

First, I would talk to your husband. He should be behind you 100% or you should not do it. It wil be painful for him, I expect.

I would think that the kid would be all for it since you are his mom as far as he is concerned, the one who cares for him, and who he loves, etc. However, once you have talked to your husband, approach it with a "I love you so much, and would like to make our relationship official. I am in no way trying to say that your mom did not exist or that you shouldn't love her, but I am here to stay and wanted to know if you would like me to adopt you." A 9 year-old child should be able to handle this type of question. My 10 year-old (who has a bio-dad who is not very involved) approached us with this request a couple of years ago (asked me if my husband would adopt him), so I think at 9, your stepson should be able to deal with at least a discussion on it.

The tricky part is that it will stir up some painful emotions since the mother did not choose to leave. Play it by ear, I am sure since you love him you will do what is best for him.

Good luck.

Saili

[Kallen330]

Sorry I haven't replied sooner.

If you want to adopt your stepson it is quite easy. All you will need is your husbands consent. You can go to the court and they will give you the paperwork you need. Since the bio mom is deceased the only person that is required for consent is dad.


Hope this helps and good luck!