[tbennett]

I want to adopt my two foster girls, and am in the process now. However, I want them to want to be adopted. They aren't against it so much as they aren't sure about the implications. Actually, I think they don't really understand what it means to them. Which is where I also stand. What does it mean to them? What's the big deal?

Can someone give me some ideas for explaining adoption to my kids? They are 13 and 17 and have been with us for two years.

Thanks

A couple of details for reference:

They lived most of their lives with their grandmother because mom's a junkie etc.. Of course theres the abuse at the hands of grandma's boy friend. Grandma aint so hot herself. So eventually they get taken. That's where we come in. The two girls have different dads, which they have seen maybe once. Their mom hasn't seen them in years. Grandma never calls. Blah blah blah. Typical story.

[lucyjoy]

Adoption doesn't just mean one thing to older kids. Some kids it means to forever have a family, to others, it means to give up their old family. Children the age of yours have a lot of say in whether or not they're adopted. Maybe a bigger question is what you want the adoption to be and share that openly with them so they can decide(I'm sure you've done this, just thinking about conversations I had with my adopted kids). I guess that's not much help. Just keep talking with them about it so you as a family can decide what it needs to mean.

[debsdone]

Hi there! My hubby adopted my 3 kids when they became 18 and didn't need the b-dad's permission. They did it mostly to honor the man who had always been their dad. Originally, we were just going to do a name change, but the kids wanted to be "his" kids. Adoption is forever. I think that is the most important thing. I am not really familiar with the foster system, so forgive me if I am wrong. But it sounds temporary. Once adopted, they have all the inheritance rights, etc. It is quite important from a legal place, and hopefully, from an emotional place as well. Good luck to you in this! Debi

[Foster2AdoptMom]

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!!

I agree with Deb in that adoption is a forever thing. While the legalization issues are for the law and explain your responsibilities by law to your children and also allow you to provide for your adopted children in areas such as different types of insurances (ie medical, life, auto, etc.) and your will, it will hopefully create a bond with your family that makes you one family.

The stability that you provide, the time that you spend with them, the colleges, weddings, grandchildren -- those are all a special part of what you will be able to share with these kids. I do realize, though, that for older kids there may be something specific they may be looking for and it would be something you would want to know so that you can help them achieve whatever it is that they may be looking for in their new relationship with you.

The adoption is the legal part of the deal, but what comes out of it is far greater and a much more wonderful thing!!!! I wish you the best and keep those lines of communication open!!

Best,
Karen Ferrell
Moderator