[Momoflele&bernie]

Hello,

My adoption is not going as planned and i want to resend it. Any advice out there on what to do?

[RavenSong]

The Adoption.com Library has a practical guide about disruption and dissolution of adoptions. It's titled "A Parent's Guide to Adoption Disruption & Dissolution. You can find it at: What to do When Your Adoption is Failing: A Parent's Guide to Adoption Disruption & Dissolution -

This is an extremely critical decision you're making. Have you exhausted all the alternatives yet? I noticed in the last thread you created about the problems you were experiencing that several members suggested therapy. Were you able to find a qualified attachment therapist?

[RavenSong]

I forgot to mention that you should probably contact the Post-Adoptions Division at the Sacramento County Department of Health and Human Services. Their phone number is (916) 875-5967. They'll probably want to first ensure that you and your children have received all the services that are available. At any rate, I'm sure they can help you sort things out.

[takingtheplunge]

Originally Posted by Momoflele&bernie

Hello,

My adoption is not going as planned and i want to resend it. Any advice out there on what to do?

Hello momoflele. I cannot answer your question, but I did view your last post and did not comment on it at the time.

I am sure you've put a lot of thought into this, so a stranger offering words might seem off base. For this I aplogize.

However, I just wanted to bring up a couple questions that you may have only briefly asked yourself. Could this be post-pardom depression talking? I know bio-parents suffering from pp depression who have wanted to give up on bio kids at times. There is medication and therapy for PP dep. that can help. I say this wiht all sincerity. My sis suffered from bad PP depression that took her to dark places.

Second, would moving help? What if you moved far away from bio-mom and started over new with your adopted and bio-family? Perhaps there is just too much bad memories where you are.

Just a thought: The kids should be in therapy to cope with the new addition. If you can't get state money to fund this, call a university that has interns that work on sliding salary scales. Even bio kids have problems coping. I remember at 9 yrs old, I absoluted hated the idea that my mom had a baby. My older sis and I did not want to share. I hated her for a while for wrecking my spoilages, and she was my bio-sis. What I am saying is that life is rough for kids, adopted or not. Your little bio-baby is not taxing your emotions right now, but soon she may one day and you need a suuportive fiance' and resources to reach out.

I am trying very hard not to judge your decision about going back on an adoption, but I can't help but feel for the children who need someone in their lives to be a strong, resourceful parent.

[mommytoEli]

i'd start with my child's eligibility technician. they will know who you can get in contact with. hopefully they will be able to connect you with someone who can assist you with some other options before you disrupt. i won't judge you...it has crossed my mind more than once, but hopefully a social worker will be able to help you find a solution that would prevent disruption. just a thought. good luck. i hope you find the best solution for everyone in your family.

[Momoflele&bernie]

Thanks for everyone's advice. And thanks for the ones that said they won't judge me even tho it is hard for them to understand. No one lives in my life and no one sees the pain i feel every time i look at them. I got to this point by walking in on my 7 year having her hand in my baby's diaper....ENGOUGH IS A ENGOUGH! I had did something that a lot of people dont even do. I opened my home and heart to someone who i barely knew. I feel bad for my decison but i have to live life for me. Yes i did seek thearapy for them! However the thearapy that they need i have to jump through hoops to get. At this point im thinking of my own child...i dont want her to be hurt or damaged like them. I hate to say this but i need to be free. I cant live life worrying about my own child being in the same room with them! It shouldn't be like this!

[jenrose]

Wow, I am so sorry momoflele&bernie for what you are going through, I am replying to your post to say I understand how you feel, my husband and I adopted a little boy in 2005 he was 9 months old when he was placed in our home and he is now 4 and a half. Almost from the day he came home it has been hard and some days now its a living hell, my son has some saver attachment issues in which I voiced my concerns about earlier but no one seemed to listen until now, it got so bad that I have previsioly been on anti anxiety meds and my husband and I nearly divorced, the only thing that saved me I believe was the blessing of conceiving my daughter who is now 16 months old.
My son basically is a disruption from the time he wakes up until he gos to sleep, yelling, screaming. throwing things, running out of my house, I cant take him out in public myself due to fears he may run off, he gos up to perfect strangers and acts as if they are his family and yells and kicks when my husband and I go to retrieve him, he will run into my neighbors house and I have to go and literary drag him out, he has tried to hurt our dog, he has tried climbing out his window on the second story and the list can go on and on - we have been to different agencies for help sense he has been 18months, nothing has seemed to work - he started pre-school last year and I was called almost every day to come and get him, he has been evaluated by the school physiologist and I was told not to leave him alone with my daughter (which I never would of anyway) I have a alarm on my daughters bedroom door "just in case".
This year they sent him to a special pre-school (special ed) he has only been there 2 weeks and has already given one of the teachers a bloody nose, runs from the class room 20+ times a day, completely trashes the classroom daily and uses every dirty word you can think of - which my husband and I dont know where he learned them from because we DONT talk like that.
My husband and I have practically begged him while crying to please be good at school and he will laugh at us, so believe me I understand when you say you cant stand the sight of your children, I feel like that everyday - as time gos by my son gets worse and worse - my husband and I are practically at the end of our rope, I actually found this post looking for sacramento county post adoption services/divison, we are not ready to disrupt yet - but something has to happen soon.

Good luck
Jen