[redanley]

Hello all of you wonderful, educated, BRAVE mommies!

After reading, what seems like hundreds of threads, I feel like you gals could be most resourceful. I will try to keep this short...notice I said, "try". (smile)

My partner's nephew has been ward of the state of CA since 8/2008. Prior to foster care, he bounced from place to place with his birth parents while they fostered their drug habits. He will be 2 this December. My partner's brother, the baby's father, is a complete a total loser. He has seven children, all in the system. For the last year, him and the baby's mother have been homeless, using drugs, and running from the law...and she's pregnant with his number EIGHT! I think they still have parental rights but because they have not made any attempt at contact, let alone reunification, those rights are quickly slipping away. On 9-30-09, there is a court date to determine any progress that the two of them have made in regard to "parenting" this child.

The child's maternal grandma has kept us abreast on this entire nightmare and when she informed us that the child would soon be up for adoption, we jumped at the chance. We are only 2 weeks into the process but I am very much a planner/organizer and I need to know what to expect so I can properly plan emotionally, physically, mentally, financially, domestically, etc.

So far...we have talked to the child's case worker 3 times. She comes off very flat and we both feel rushed off of the phone which makes us nervous because we want her to like us. She originally stated that she wanted him placed with us before the court date but today when I talked to her, she had no time frame on anything. Our paperwork should (fingers crossed!) arrive tomorrow and we will complete it and fax it back to her immediately. I am aware that home and psychological assessments, as well as criminal history checks need to be completed but how long should we expect that to take? Is there anything we can do to expedite the process? What else can we do, in general?

I worry about finances because my partner and I are both in education and coming off of the summer vacation, our funds are LOW. Considering that this will be (I think) a kinship adoption, is there any type of financial support available to us? I asked the case worker today if we would be responsible for the cost of the assessments, background checks, etc. and she said no. Since we will be adopting the child out of the state, will they cover all costs? Will we be eligible for the one time reimbursement from the state? I am assuming that we will be responsible for travel and lodging right?

I am still trying to locate a support group that is lesbian-friendly and in the meantime...I have NO ONE to turn to for counsel, advice, venting, etc.

This is where you are come in....I hope you have room for one new (hopeful) mommy!

Thank you in advance, for everything.

[mamachell]

I saw that you did have some responses on the other site but I just wanted to give you some support and a little info as I'm in the process of fost-adopting in CA.

First, your partner should have some standing as a family member but because she came into the process later and you are in another state she may have an uphill battle. You may need to get fairly agressive if you want to intervene. Ex. getting an attorney, filing as an intervenor. As another poster stated on the other thread the family the baby is with is most likely a fost-adopt family that is waiting for TPR to begin the adoption process since for younger children, under 3, they tend to want them in a permanent placement by 15 months. Legally, family members are only supposed to get placement preference until the disposition hearing (relatively early in the process). Many times this is not followed but I know of cases where it has been strictly followed and upheld on appeal. Again, many times this goes the other way so a lot depends on the judge.

Regarding the CW's attitude, I think the CW reluctance could come from the fact that he/she may be working with this family and built up a relationship with them. Maybe the cw thinks this family is doing a great job and she doesn't want to disrupt. That's the positive side. On the negative, I think that the process of moving a child across state lines is a lot of work for the CW. I sometimes think they may drag their feet because it may be easier to just keep the child in state. Also, I would not discount the idea of the cw's prejudice against a same sex couple. I am in CA and I am in a same sex couple and though it hasn't impacted us directly I do wonder if there were potential matches that weren't placed with us because a cw was looking for a more "traditional" family.

Also, as a potential fost-adopt parent I sympathesize with the family that currently has custody. Is there some way to have any contact with them? Maybe you might find out that you don't necessarily need to adopt the baby but you want to have some contact with him. Maybe see if you can initiate a visit, I think you have some rights to one if you pass some minimal requirements. See how he's doing and see if it's really something you want to take on.

Good luck and let us know what happens.