[Dannygirl]

Please note that I also posted this in the "Becoming Foster Parents" forum. Any help is much appreciated!

Hello,

My husband and I attended our local foster/adoption orientation meeting last week. We have both felt that we wanted to adopt for awhile now but wanted to wait until we were more settled (we grew up in Utah, took an 18 month detour to NYC, and now we are living in Southern California permanently). We have a good stable home where I can be a stay at home mother and we have been married for 7 years. I have one biological daughter from a prior marriage but I am unable to have more.

Here is the problem. My husband has a misdemeanor charge of distributing harmful material to a minor. Long story short my husband was 18 and gave his 17 year old friend a porn magazine and the friend’s mother found the magazine. This occurred in Utah and we now live in California.

I called the state today but received two completely different answers from two different people. The duty worker said that it is possible to get an exemption since it is a misdemeanor however we would need to provide an explanation letter and character references. However the other person said rather bluntly if the crime is on the list of non-exemptible crimes it won’t be exempted no ifs, ands, or buts about it whether it’s a misdemeanor or felony.

We really want to enlarge our family and our only option is through adoption. We chose domestic foster adoption to international because we know there are plenty of children that need a good home here in our own “backyard”.

I find it so upsetting that something my husband did 14+ years ago could prevent us from our dream. In my opinion I think he was just being an average teenage boy. We are good parents. We have a new, large home that is not in disrepair. We are financially capable of taking care of many more children (we want 3-4 more) without disrupting our current lifestyle. And my husband hasn’t had anything other than speeding and parking tickets since.

Does anybody have any additional information? Is there some way to get over this hurdle?

I know the process for adoption is strict for good reason. But I find it hard that we should be automatically rejected when we have some much more to offer than an old criminal record.

Thanks in advance for your help!

[takingtheplunge]

You should post under SW point of view. Perhaps they can give a heads up.

I would got to the foster orientation w/ the county. Do not sign w/ a private agency. I have heard that some PA's have looser stadards (which might seem cool at first) but when kids become available for adoption, they are sometimes moved out of the priv. agency home into an approved county home. So go w/ the county. They will have you do a live scan. Don't lie. Be prepared with a letter of explanation.

NOTE: we had a charge against my husband come up that was dismissed by the court. He was 18. He never served time nor had to pay a fine. It wasn't sex, drug or violence related. But, I was embarrased because it still shows up on his record even though it shouldn't. It clearly says that charges were dismissed, but the live scan brought it up.

The SW was okay with our explanation and letter.

I realize that Utah is super strick. Heck, I was there and could not even order a double-gin and tonic. It had to be a single-shot drink. When I ordered the second drink, I was told I would have to order food, too.

Maybe you will get a cool SW that will realize that boys will look at magazines (like it or not) and know that Utah courts can be uptight.

Get a copy of the report of the crime and read it. How bad does it sound? Is the age of the minor and relationship mentioned or does it just say distrubuting to a minor?

See if he can get a lawyer to expunge it. I have heard that sometimes charges can be expunged, but I don't know how.

[Yash]

I would call around to some private agencies and ask to speak to a SW or whomever does their orientation meeting and see what they say.

I can't imagine that they would hold this against your husband. Best of luck and keep us informed to what happens!