[LifeThruOne]

Hi, my wife and I have been foster parents for close to 3 years now. The main reason we chose state-licensed Foster Care was because it seemed the easiest way for a couple our age (22 and 24) to be able to adopt.
We are on our 5th placement (all of which we were told initially should end in us adopting), and we were just told that he is going to be going home (and by home, I mean a co-living rehab center) in a few months.
Does this happen to every couple who only wants to adopt? Does adoption ever actually occur in Foster Care? Should we just give up and move and try elsewhere?

[momof9wantingmore]

We have adopted three children through the foster care system in CA. The oldest two were 2.5 and 1 when they came and almost 4 and 2.5 when the adoption was final, our youngest was a newborn when placed and her adoption was final when she was 2.5. It does happen and when it does it is totally worth the rollercoaster ride. Hang in there. Don't lose hope, the kids need you.

[calimomX3]

I don't have any advice as I am about to step off this roller coaster ride...Not sure I can keep going on like this

[mommytoEli]

Does this happen to every couple who only wants to adopt? no...but it does happen. my friends were straight adoption...they had many placements, all went home, and they ended up deciding to adopt from China. fwiw....they are very happy. i know had they kept at the fostering, they would not have their dd.

Does adoption ever actually occur in Foster Care? yes! our first three placements we fostered were also adopted by us. i have many MANY friends in CA who also adopted through foster care. there are many children who need homes.....unfortunately for parents who want to adopt, you just never know what will happen until the very end.

Should we just give up and move and try elsewhere if you want a child and want a child now and want to have a timeline of when this child will join your family...then i'd pick another route. if you are more like- ehhh...when it happens it happens...then i'd stick with it. explore the other boards on this forum:

up in the left hand corner...there are "international boards" you can explore and learn all about adoption from many different countries. if you click "adoptive parents" i believe there is alot of information about domestic adoption as well.

good luck on your journey

[LifeThruOne]

I wouldn't call this ride a roller coaster, thus far. It's more like the "UFO" ride that's spins around really fast, so you're just sitting there stuck against the wall unable to move. Plus, if you barf, everyone feels the pain. The only times we got good news we found out shortly thereafter that it was just lies.

[millie58]

I've been fost/adopting for about 6 years. My first placement-2 sisters- were put in a home that could hold all 5 siblings. they left the day before thanksgiving. Next placement was a 6 yo and his baby brother at 2 days. 1 1/2 years they were RU with birth mom. Next placemnt was adopted as was his brother from RTC; then last placement was adopted. My last placement came and was already TPR. My first adoption wasn't; there was supposed to be RU but it didn't work out. Hang in there. It'll happen.

[dachshunds4you]

We foster/adopted in CA as well. Our 4th placement was the one we got to keep! It will happen...
We went through a foster agency in Covina area (not sure where u are) and they are the best agency ever!!
Since moving to TX a year ago, I miss this agency so much. They specialize in babies from 0-3 yrs old. They do get other ages, but the little ones are the ones they get more calls about.
If you are by chance, within 30-40 miles of Covina (I think that is how far they can go), PM me and I will let you know the agency name.

If you can stick with it. These kids need good parents, and one will finally stay forever.

[Yash]

I'm so sorry for all your losses. I know it would be a pain, but have you thought about switching to a private agency. I have nothing but EXCELLENT things to say about my agency. I've been licensed for over 4 years and I've had 3 fost/adopt placements with 2 ending in adoption by me.

My fd that I didn't get to adopt was adopted by her cousin, who lied to both of us, but due to the dishonesty of the CW I became close to the other family and we stay in contact.

I've also adopted internationally and that is its own rollercoaster, but I have to say after adopting via foster care, the 9 month wait that morphed into a 20 month wait and all the ups and downs that went with the international adoption, was like a walk in the park for me.

[takingtheplunge]

Originally Posted by LifeThruOne

Does this happen to every couple who only wants to adopt? Does adoption ever actually occur in Foster Care?

We haven't finalized yet, but I know someone who adopted 4 in Riv. County. They did not lose any placements. One was a placement at birth.

My work friend, however, was signed up with a FC agency and lost a placement. Her agency (she claims) was not telling her about the progress mom was making on her plan. She was devasted and blindsided when she lost them right before x-mas to a mom living in a hotel.

If adoption is your goal, I would advise against working with a private agency (no offense Yash) unless you only want to just foster. I have been told and you will learn that if you get certified with a county, you as a county foster home, will get first dibs over a private agency home. To their credit, some agencies are better than others.

No one can guarantee the future, but ask lots of questions when given a referral. The kid/baby is more likely adoptable if
-- mom has lost one or more before him (this is a BIG plus on your side)
-- mom has not been working case plan
-- no relatives have expressed interest
-- certain types of addiction are harder to kick (meth/herione)
--a combo problem (drugs and DomVio)
--it's a baby/toddler (I think under a certain age, courts only allow the case plan to last a year).
--learn who has the siblings. If mom or relative does, judge will be partial to keep them together if they express interest later.
(perhaps the senior members could add to this list)


It's tough. I have a friend who went through classes with me. She turned down her first referral because she felt there was too much risk of RU, and she didn't want to take that emotional risk. It was a hard decision for her. The next placement offer seemed more of a sure-thing. She has her dream baby now, but is still waiting for TPR. She is comforted b/c the g-ma and older sibling said they do not support mom and want to see the baby to have a good home with a mom and dad. So, she knows the relatives won't be competition.

Food for thought: I met a couple at a foster/adopt event who told me after losing two placements, they told their SW not to refer them any placements unless rights were already TPR'd. How does this work? Well, the baby went into a county shelter home when taken away at birth. Why a shelter home? Others must have declined placement b/c uncertainty with RU risk or not wanting an infant. After 7+ months and no case plan met, the TRP process started. Since the shelter home was only interested in sheltering, the baby needed an adoptive home after TPR. Hence, the county placed the kid with this couple. They are delighted with their little boy and think the whole journey was meant to be.

I will say a prayer that you can remain strong through this. I cannot imagine losing a placement that was supposed to be a sure thing.

[oxford]

Hi girls,

We are thinking to adopt a boy from 2 to 4,5 y old. We were thinking about Bulgaria and Domestic as well. We are in CA. Do you think is it possible to find a relatively healthy boy through the County placement? We were thinking about foster-to-adopt...I am looking at some kids placed on e-net, and none of them healthy. I understand they all have some issues, delays and so on, but could we be successful to find more or less OK kid?

[DannieAS]

I'm doing fost-adopt through Riv. county. I have known personally 4 families who had limited hitches with their first placements. (although we have been told that every so often there is a curve-ball, so the same philosophy of "it's not final til it's final' should still be in your head)

We have been told that many agencies fail to tell their parents that the county gets first dibs on any children up for adoption...so I would really check out your agency if going through an agency or check how your county does their process.

[Yash]

Originally Posted by oxford

Hi girls,

We are thinking to adopt a boy from 2 to 4,5 y old. We were thinking about Bulgaria and Domestic as well. We are in CA. Do you think is it possible to find a relatively healthy boy through the County placement? We were thinking about foster-to-adopt...I am looking at some kids placed on e-net, and none of them healthy. I understand they all have some issues, delays and so on, but could we be successful to find more or less OK kid?

I believe the problem you might run into is that a child in the system that is 2 - 4 1/2 more than likely has siblings. Would you be open to a sibling group?

When I was going for number 2, the couple at the top of the list had been waiting nearly 2 years for a 4 to 6 year-old girl. They were not open to siblings so their wait was very long.

I think you would be able to get a child that is healthy.