[Birdie777]

My DH and I were certified yesterday by our agency as fost-adopt parents! Hello out there!

Scared and excited at the same time. We have a 5 yr old bio DS and hoping to adopt a child under the age of 5

Just wanted to say hello to all of you out there!

[wannabeamomma]

Welcome! I was just approved a couple of weeks ago. Let the wait begin.

[desertmom2b]

Congrats!! I just got my license too!!! So excited! I think I am gonna go nuts everytime the phone rings.

[Birdie777]

Thank you for the well wishes! And congratulations to you both as well!

May I ask you both about what you are hoping for? We are looking for a single child, boy or a girl between the ages of 3-5. We have a 5 year old DS, so we are hoping for a match who is 5 years or younger.

Our agency said that many fost-adopt parents are looking for kids under the age of 8, so the wait can be up to a year! I hope not....please share what you may know and I would love to hear about what you and your families are hoping 2009 brings!

[desertmom2b]

I am on the list for a child between the ages of 5-8 years old or a sibling pair with both under the age of 8 years old.

I am going thru the Foster system for strictly adoption. For my county they say the wait is 1-2 years...however, I finally got them to say that those stats for parents waiting for children under the age of 3 years old.

I have faith that God is going to bless us all sooner than later!

[Birdie777]

So, does that mean that you are on a waiting list for only for those whose birth parents rights have been terminated? When I asked about it, I was made to believe that it happens rarely; usually in a case where a fost to adopt situation didn't work out....We are meeting with our adoptions worker next week to discuss looking for a match. I am hoping to uncover more information about little ones who are available sooner. I thought the need was so great, so the thought of having to wait is confusing.

[musemoon]

I'm in Los Angeles waiting for a newborn :-) and this will be our second adoption. I was told that the wait would be about 4 months, but newborns are never (or rarely rarely ever) TPR'd at birth, you have to just take a leap of faith. With the older kids (3 and older) it is possible for them to be TPR'd and then available for adoption, however they too can be adopted by their foster parents who have had them since they were removed from the home, so it sometimes is best to be open to all risk levels and go on a case by case basis.

A friend of mine had two kids that were not TPR'd, but their parents had murdered the third child, so you can guess where that case went, they adopted the kids last year, so you just never know.

It can take a year or two (I know someone who waited three years) but the average I believe is 9 months to a year for a child who has had TPR (that is if you want a specific child or age/race of child) if you were open to anything, you would have a teenager in about 45 seconds :-) and if you were open to foster/adopt (legal risk) then the wait can be a short as a few days or as long as a year.

[wannabeamomma]

I'm open for a child ages 0-2, howver I am open to a sibling pair as long as it i sthe right fit and one of the children are in our age range. We are doing straight adopt for now so we know our wait would be much longer. If you go the concurrent planning route I know the wait can be much shorter.

[Robinyyes]

I also live in Los Angeles, have a bio son who is 15, and am going though the county for a boy 5-11; and then in about a year after placement a girl. My sw says based on the ages, etc. that I shouldn't have long to wait at all. She'll be on vacation for the first two weeks of Feb. though, so nothing will be happening then. (Rather then having FC contact me with everything from emergency/respite and all in between) I'm having my sw field all first contacts for possible matches since my goal is to adopt. (Hope that makes sense, I'm still really new to this group)

[calimomX3]

Welcome, i have been certified for 2 years in April...

[Birdie777]

Thank you, everyone for your messages.

Wannabeamomma, you mentioned the wait for concurrent planning is shorter. Honestly, when we went through training, our agency positioned it like concurrent planning IS the only option. Levels of risk were explained and it sounded like most of us would take a child or children in when it looked like the birth parents were being unsuccessful in reunification...

I remember sitting in training, hearing about examples of cases with the kids being reunited with the birth family. We had the deer-in-the-headlights look and my DH started getting scared that we'd all fall in love and the child would be taken away. We're especially worried about the impact on our DS. I am sure that our agency just wanted to prepare us for worst case scenario and to be realistic.

It sounds like every case is different, and as one of you mentioned, it's really a leap of faith. If I understood that a placement with a child who is legally free for adoption is a viable choice, then I want to jump on it. But I didn't get that message from my agency.

I am going nutso waiting to hear from our adoptions worker...haven't met yet, so maybe this will all be clearer after we talk.

[wannabeamomma]

Birdie,
I am currently on the list for "legally free" which means my wait will be longer because usually foster parents have the option to adopt since the kids are in their home. Most agencies are pushing concurrent planning because it limits the moves for a child which I think is excellent. But you go through the roller coaster ride of reunification. Since DH and I have no bios I don't know if we could handle it emotionally. It is a very hard process. I commend all who do it because it is ultimately better for the child. DH and I are going to re-visit concurrent planning in June if we haven't been matched.
You can do straight adopt through the system it just takes much longer. I know someone that waited 2 years. The more open you are to the type of child you are looking for the faster it will be, but that will still be a while if you do straight adopt.

[sgtfirstwife]

My husband and I have been on this roller coaster for nearly three years. We went with legal risk, because we were told that this would be a quicker way. Our first sibling group we had four months and they were ru with their parents (later to return to the system). My next was a baby boy, who we got straight from the hospital. He was a legal risk baby. It was very bumpy at the start, but a year later his adoption was complete. We had a newborn little girl who was given up at birth, but after a week the county moved her. Seems there is a rule you can only do one adoption at a time, unless they are siblings. That one really broke my heart. We decided to keep going, though it was really really hard. Then we were placed with a newborn little girl. That case was simply a mess. She left after two months. I said no more we were done. Then the phone rang a couple of months later and I picked up a nb little boy at the hospital. Nearly a year later and he is still here. His brother joined our family a couple of months ago. Now we hope and pray adoptions comes this year.
If this does not work out, we are done. This past year has been too too much.
Is it tough, yep. The emotional drain is really, really tough, but the rewards are well, well worth it.

[Birdie777]

Sgtfirstwife, wow! I really admire your strength. I would have fallen apart long ago. You are brave and it also sounds like you know when it's time to step away. There's a part of me that wants to be wide open and take a lot of risk, thinking it will all work out for the best. But like everyone else, it scares me to no end. I hope 2009 is a wonderful year for you and your family with these adoptions being finalized.

We intend on telling my DS that we don't know how long the child will be able to stay with us. It's the truth, but we are worried about the impact on him losing what he may feel is a sibling.

Wannabeamomma, thank you for your post. We were also considering a wait for a legally free child but our agency has talked us out of it (for now ). It seems that '08 was a tough year for most, so I am counting on 2009 to be a fantastic year for us all! Please post when you hear something! I like that you have a plan B. I just believe that in this process you never know what will happen.

I did finally connect yesterday with out adoptions worker. She went down her matching list; what we are and are not open to. She told me that 90% of fp are looking for a child under age 5 and that only 10% of the kiddo population is that age. She told me to expect to wait 9 mos. to a year. We spoke for a while so I have a better grasp of how things will work. Our file is being sent to a few counties and then when a case comes up that may meet our criteria, a sw will review our home study and determine if we may be a potential match. But, understandably, families who have been waiting for the longest are reviewed first. So, my friends, we are now standing in line.

In the meantime, I will be going into the agency's office next week to review their database of waiting children...I need to be proactive/keep busy in this waiting game.

[bethy724]

Your DS will go by your lead in terms of loss. If you tell him he's loosing a sibling he'll feel like he's loosing a sibling. Sounds like you have a healthy approach to the possibility of loosing a child in your home. I do respite care & when we had the same child more than once my 4 year old asked if she could be his sister. (matter of factly) A 4 or 5 year old is guided by YOUR emotions. I had a brave face (knowing I wasn't adopting again & that she was being returned to a not so great situation) & explained that we are so blessed to have her on the weekends but God has other plans for her & her forever family. When we got a 1 year old boy that didn't mess with my son's toys he wanted him to stay a little longer- again he went by my lead. Honestly when the kids leave my son is hap0py to regain all my attention & have his toys to himself again. A 5 year old doesn't get excited about sharing his parents & home unless you instill it in them-I've instilled that we open our home because we have a home & love to share & god has bigger plans for children in need of forever families or children who's parents are working out their "issues"

You set the tone in your home & you may have to put on a brave face when talking to your child & you have every right to your emotions & the right to close your door & cry after your 5 year old is asleep. Believe me - I think my son will admire me as he grows when he understands how selfless fostering is-he may be hurt when he realizes kids are returned to unsafe situations but he knows they were loved & safe when they were with us - & you have to know that too. When these children that have passed thru your house have a moment of safety , love & hapiness they'll know you gave it to them.