[calimomX3]

Be prepared for a roller coaster ride of your life. My family and I have been on a roller coaster that seems to keep on going. We have been certified for 2 years, had 1 respite baby, a 3 week baby girl who moved to another home for other reasons, 18 month old boy, and 8 month old girl, all of those children were re-united or adopted. The two tough ones were the baby girl that the county brought to me at 1 day old, bio's didnt even name her. We were told she would most likely be adoptable cause she was #4 for mom and mom doesn't have any of them. We named her and after hearing nothing for a month, we got a call that grandma is going to take her, so that all 4 children would be together. That was so heartbreaking for all of us. But my daughter who was 6 at the time and I, were a mess. I felt like I was missing a part of me. That was almost the end for me as far as foster care. Then we waited and waited and waited and go our baby girl we have now, we picked her up from the hospital and were told the same thing as the other newborn that we would be able to adopt her, now this time it was to be for sure. Last Tuesday my world fell apart when I was told the adoptive home that has her siblings wants to adopt her too. It is a roller coaster up emotions, ups and downs. Talk to you son, tell him why you are doing what you are doing. We call our foster children, our children and they are our childrens siblings for the time being. You have to be open with your child and don't beleive a child is YOURS until the papers are signed, one social worker tells you one thing while another tells you a different thing.

[desertmom2b]

The County I live in and am adopting from has 4000-5000 kids in the foster system per year. Out of that, 400-500 are TPR'd and adopted out each year. If the foster family does not want to adopt them, then that is where I would get my chance. They do not have pictures or anything to look at. Basically when a child comes up for adoption, they put their criteria in the computer and it brings up suitable waiting adoptive parents. They choose the top 5 matches and then out of those top 5, decide which one would best fit the child. Sooo that's what I am waiting for. That one or two children that they feel fits me the best.

However, I noticed in all the different classes and meetings I went to during the process...all the other parents are wanting 3 yrs old and under or strictly newborns. And, a few, were strictly foster only. So, with those statistics, I feel I have a greater chance since I want the older child.

In the end, it's all a matter of what God feels is right for me. I truly believe He will bless me when He feels I am good and ready with the most wonderful blessing of all!

[calimomX3]

Hi Julie,

You are so right about God will give you the right child when he/she comes along. I have faith that God will do what is right with our current foster baby as well. HE is in control and when the time is right he will make the best decision.

[Birdie777]

Ladies, I am so glad to be hearing from you and reading your messages. I believe it's tremendously helpful for me as well as for others, to learn from your experiences to help us get mentally prepared for this long journey. Some of you have been waiting and waiting and have been through major roller coaster rides. It doesn't sound like anyone has had it smooth and easy.

I also whole heartedly agree that God has a plan and I feel that as tough as everything can get, things will work out for the best. In fact, I believe that God led me down this path, that this is what He would want me to do, so we need to hang tough and have faith.

Bethy724, you are absolutely right. Yes, I completely agree that our DS will take the cues from us, and we will set the tone at the get go. I am just going to be honest and tell him (and remind him) that we don't know how long he/she will be with us.

You also mentioned some things that I guarantee will happen in our home! You are spot on, again, that a 5 year old (especially mine) isn't eager to share his parents/attention/toys with someone he may preceive he's competing with. My DS is not the best at sharing but he's going to have to get over it. I know this part will be a rocky road, and this will be one of the things he will need to learn. I've been trying to visualize how different scenarios will play out in our home with our DS when we bring another child in...I want to do my best to be sure that each child feels he/she is getting the attention they need. And you're right, the message I want my DS to know is that we are providing a safe and loving home for a child who needs it, no matter what happens.

I've been reading Parenting with Love and Logic. Has anyone else heard of it? Anyone recommend other parenting books or strategies out there?