[carlyincali]

I posted this on another board before I saw this California board.

Hello, I am new to this board but have spent a few years over on the Guatemalan adoption board. We have a 2yo son who came home from Guatemala in 2007. We were nearing the end of our second adoption, a 5yo little girl, when we learned that she had been murdered in Guatemala. She had already had her new birth certificate and was "officially" our daughter. We are devastated and heartbroken. But, we do feel like there is another child out there for us, so my husband and I are considering adopting out of foster care.

We don't know the first thing about it. I admit we are leary because we're not sure if we want the state/county always knocking on our door. Does this happen? We are a homeschooling family and have homeschooled our kids from the beginning. I'm so afraid that we will be *targeted* and always checked on because of this.

If we go with some foster-to-adopt organizations like the Dave Thomas one or Olive Crest, I believe, (but am not certain,) that the process will be more indepth and we will be scrutinized very closely because we are homeschoolers.

But what if we were to go through a private agency. Can someone do foster to adopt through a private agency?

(Forgive me for my ignorance. But we don't know how a domestic/foster-care adoption works.)

Honestly, I'm not even sure if I have the energy for all of this. I am tired of paperwork... homestudies, dossiers, etc. I want a child, but I don't want to do all the preparation again. I feel like I just did it all.

Sorry, this turned into a rant more than an inquiry. I really thought that this would be easier, but I'm seeing how much is involved and I guess it's discouraging to say the least.

TIA

[takingtheplunge]

Originally Posted by carlyincali

I posted this on another board before I saw this California board.

If we go with some foster-to-adopt organizations like the Dave Thomas one or Olive Crest, I believe, (but am not certain,) that the process will be more indepth and we will be scrutinized very closely because we are homeschoolers.

But what if we were to go through a private agency. ...
Honestly, I'm not even sure if I have the energy for all of this. I am tired of paperwork... homestudies, dossiers, etc. I want a child, but I don't want to do all the preparation again. I feel like I just did it all.

TIA

Hello. Don't apologize for ranting. Sometimes this board is like therapy.

The agencies you mentioned are "private" I think. Anyway, the county fost/adopt programs are much different than foriegn.
We were a referral acceptance away from a foriegn adoption but got cold feet at the limited info, uncertain travel time, and mounting expenses. The paperwork, scunity and expenses were hell. Conversely, the county's paperwork was made easy, cheap and not as indepth. However, the county did take longer because of the pride classes and state certification. Now, if you go with a private agencey that works with the county, you can usually skip the 13 pride classes. However, private agencies deal with the overflow of foster kids. If you want to adopt a young child (under 2), you are better off getting certified with the county because the county places with their certified homes first. For an older child (5+) like you were getting before, it might not matter since there are more older children needing fost/adopt parents.

The worst part of the certification process is driving to the weekly Pride classse. Yet, the classes were not that bad. They balanced it with video. lecture, group discussion and potluck dinner. We made some friends through the process and learned a lot about what these kids go through. Teaching how to parent is only a very small part of it. They also help you with your paperwork; they also help you create a family tree; they teach you about what foster kids endure; they have you and your hubby discuss situations like what would you do if . . . your child wanted an icecream at rite aid, but you knew you were going to eat dinner at home in an hour; what if your child wanted to pierce his nose; what if your child annouced he is gay, etc. They don't judge your answers. Moreover, they have you take surveys and share the result in a group setting to prompt discussion. The surveys aren't collected.

By the way, I am so sorry for your loss. That's horrific.

Back to the idea of scrutiny, I felt that my county did not scrunitize us. They were mostly concerned with safety. We had to do more safety proofing than with foriegn. But, we did not need a psych eval., we did not need two years of tax returns and some of the other docs that foriegn companies asked for. Plus, we did not have to worry about expiring documents or apostilling.

I am so glad someone told me about county adoption and that I switched. Now, I can't imagine being in a foriegn county paying high dollar for a little one in need when my county has an abumdant amount of needy children right here. Plus, the county will offer some services if your kid turns out to have special needs whereas in a foriegn adoption, you are pretty much on your own and don't get as much background information.

Best of luck. Keep us posted on your progress.

[Yash]

I'm so sorry to hear about the death of your daughter. My thoughts and prayers are with you and yoru family.

I am with a private agency and I love it. The support they give me is outstanding. If I had to rely solely on the county for support, I would have went bananas.

I love my agency so much that as soon as I finalize my daughter's adoption, I'm going to sign up and become a mentor for my agency to help families who are new to the system or having difficulties.

My experience with a private agency is they can be selective unlike the county. I never had any problems fost/adopting or fostering babies. My youngest baby came home at 5-days-old and my oldest, at my request, came home at 6 1/2 months. I've had four kids in my home, one I picked up from the hospital, which was a great experience.

My international adoption SW told me it was harder to adopt from foster care and domestically than it was internationally, which sort of frightened me. But I understand what he means, technically when doing foster care your home is open 24 hours a day and you have to follow all of the safety rules, ie anything sharper than a butter knife is locked up, the medicine cabinet being kept locked, covers in all outlets, etc.., and other requirements that your agency might have.

The hoops you have to jump through are not difficult, just sort of tedious and annoying. It's like busywork, which is how I found the classes you have to take.

I have heard another homeschool mom say the same thing about being closely scrutinized, but I honestly believe it sort of depends on the CW who gets assigned to your case, and whomever does your homestudy.

I do know that you can NOT use your IA homestudy for fost/adopt.

IA was a walk in the park compared to fost/adopt. My new thoughts on fost/adopt is its like riding a rollercoaster with a blindfold on, never knowing when the ride will end, or what the layout of the rollercoaster is, and sometimes it also means someone is popping in and out of your ride on the cart giving you sometimes accurate, sometimes inaccurate information on just what is happening, what is going to happen, and when the ride will be over.

This is not for the faint of heart. But if you're feeling led to do this, jump in with both feet and remember you're doing this for a child who so desperately needs for someone to fight for them and love them.

Also the length of your journey can be long or short, it all depends on how quickly you do your paperwork, take the required classes, how quickly the paperwork is being processed, how quickly the fingerprints come back, how fast a homestudy can be done, how fast your agency is working, and what your dreamed child should be like.

Best of luck!

[DannieAS]

I can't comment on the placement and finalization yet, however as I'm in the middle of my PRIDE classes, I am so loving the county so far. It was never a second thought for me to go through the county. Maybe it's because I work for a school district and I already know the frustrations of red tape and can handle county/public paperwork etc. Meeting people that are the ones that will most likely do your homestudy after the classes are also a plus since we've been introduced to two people of the adoption unit through the classes.

I guess it will be a personal choice...I also do think that my area is a good county area so it may not be this friendly and helpful in other counties or areas.

[DannieAS]

Yash also said something I have to second. People that you will be working with for homestudy etc. love it when your paperwork is done timely and without silly errors on it. I've barely taken 2 classes and one of the presenters and I were talking and she is all happy that ALL my paperwork (licensing, county application, physical, TB test, fingerprints, biography, financial report) is in already. Licensing is just waiting for my first 12 hours to be done with (4 classes) so they can do my appt. for the state....but you can tell if they are liking you already or not.

But then again, I work for the school system and just like any system, I feel comfortable with the county. Do what is best for you....GET YOUR PAPERWORK DONE QUICKLY ASAP.