[straightblues]

I have a highly volital and violent birth father. We were thinking of changing the birth dates (just by a few days or weeks) of the children as well as their names. Have any of you done this? What do you think about it?

[DianeScraps]

No, I didn't know you could

We are getting social security numbers changed though

[straightblues]

Originally Posted by DianeScraps

No, I didn't know you could

We are getting social security numbers changed though

Well I have read about people doing it and my lawyer says its possible. But, my adoption social worker says she has never done it. So I don't really know.

Even if it is legal I don't know if I should. I didn't think it was a big deal but almost everyone I have spoken to has thought it was wierd and I shouldn't do it.

[RiverGal]

Back during the dark days of adoption, it was not unusual for birth dates to be changed...especially by Catholic Charities. I had never heard of this until I began my search.

Personally, I don't like the idea. Just seems like it takes something away from the adoptee. I think I'd feel a little diminished if I researched my biological roots and found out the day I had celebrated as my birthday was altered.

Just my opinion.

~Deb

[straightblues]

Originally Posted by RiverGal

Personally, I don't like the idea. Just seems like it takes something away from the adoptee. I think I'd feel a little diminished if I researched my biological roots and found out the day I had celebrated as my birthday was altered.

Just my opinion.

~Deb

Thanks Deb, that is what I am looking for opinions.

[RiverGal]

You're welcome, and I just want to add that I admire the thought you are putting into your decision. Seems like you are really trying to weigh the options...the pros and cons...before making a final call.

Whatever decision you come to, it will be the best one for your situation, I am sure.

Good luck!

~Deb

[mommytoEli]

I don't think it is necessary. Please remember that in this information era we can find anyone with a computer and $9.95. Unless you are planning to change your names and birthdates...the dad could still find them through you. I can not believe how much information I can find on myself on ancestry.com...including my last 3 and current address, phone number, and names and ages of my parents and siblings. If my kids dad decides to find us, and has a computer, we are SOL. We have an angry bio dad currently in jail, but the last time he saw the kids he promised them he would come kidnap them and take them somewhere no one would ever find them. ((Oh, and we thought our information was private, BUT, not only did other bio relatives tell the dad our names, but the state of California also screwed up and sent a doc to the dad that had our names and address....we didn't even discover it until about a year later!!!) We wanted to move and hide....but if someone really wants to find you , they will. Soooo, do everything you can, and then live your life. Change their names, social security numbers, and move if it makes you feel better. An angry parent may be less likely to fly to the other side of the country. Then, be sure to notify your child's school of who can and can not pick up the kids. Have them make a special note in their file that they may not be released to anyone who can not be identified as approved to pick up. Talk to your children about what they would do if someone other than you tried to pick them up...even if they knew them. Good luck. I know that it is tough to keep kids safe. Just do your best

[straightblues]

Thanks for your reply mommytoEli&Ethan. We have tried to keep everything confidential but at the TPR hearing, the birthparents used are last name. It really shook us with the fathers repeated felonies for violence. We have taken all of the precations we can, all of those you recommended, but like you said, if they are motivated they can find us. Lets just hope and pray they won't. We will move just as soon as we finalize.