[CoolDonna]

Well tonight I talked to the person that does the adoption in my agency she told me similar to what you are saying she feels that the court is not really asking for the recomendation to be changed they probably just want to make sure that the department has really looked at everythiung. Well Iam going to have to stick with this. She feels that its to late because she said that the mother had to do something so big to make the department to change there mind. but as usual she said the court could do what they want she did say that they haveto determine if it would really be in the interest of my fd to pull her from the home she is bonded with and give her to the mom where they are not certain that the mom will take care of her. so I feel a bit better, I had a very hard morning. If someone would look at me I would just cry. anuways Iam off to school.
Talk to you later by the way what county are you in

[skootinalong2]

Donna & Mrbean, I will be praying for both of you and your children. My experience has been that the court pretty much goes with the county's recommendation unless there is a "big significant" reason not to. You are right, the have to make sure that all of thier is are dotted and ts crosses or the will be an appeal. It's that "reasonalble effort" clause. Good luck to both of you.

[mrbeansmom]

>>My experience has been that the court pretty much goes with the county's recommendation unless there is a "big significant" reason not to.<<

This is what scares me to death! Our children's social worker is seriously the queen of reunification. She wants this baby to go back to the mom and, because the mom is in rehab and doing what she's supposed to, that will be her recommendation. Add to that the fact that this worker doesn't like me at all. She thinks we're just sore losers because we got the sister and not the brother. She loves to torment me by reminding me that the sister was in concurrent planning, but the baby was simply foster care. I "should have known better" than to get so attached. Nevermind that these two are birth siblings and this mom has ~none~ of her 7 children. Nevermind the fact that they are bonded with one another and with us. nevermind that they do not know the birthmom and refer to us as mom and dad. Nobody seems to care what all of this will do to these two to be torn apart from one another and the baby from all of us. He will go from being the baby of a large, loving family with a mom and dad who dote on him to being with a single mom in rehab in a day care center most of the day with visits from the father now and then. Am I the only one who sees something wrong with this picture?!

I spoke to my adoption worker and my adoption mentor today. My worker always seems pretty hopeless about the baby. The mentor said a lawyer in our case would not be much help and would be money thrown away, in her opinion. CA law is written in such a way that the mother should not have been given services when the child before the baby is in adoptions, BUT the child before the baby was moved into adoption right after the baby was born so there was that window where the parents could request services and they did.

I had a bad morning too. Found out I have to have a root canal (OUCH!!). I don't have any pain, but I broke a tooth in such a way that the dentist said the only thing to do was a root canal so they could put in a post and a crown. I totally hate going to the dentist. I know I sound like a big baby, but this totally ruined my day, to say nothing of the cost involved.

Hope your day is better, Donna, and I hope you had a good one, skootinalong2. Thanks for all the prayers and support! It really does mean a lot...........

[skootinalong2]

Mrbeansmom ~ You are not a baby. I broke a tooth in October and still have not gone to the dentist. I will probably have to have the same procedure. It's a baby tooth that never fell out. It is more filling than anything.

In our case with T, the county tried to use the fact that we were an ESH home and knew that his placement was temporary/short term. The judge looked at county counsel and said 14 mos. is temporary?

Sore looser????? Is she human? Should have know better than to get attached???? She needs some serious sensitivity training. I am still praying!

[CoolDonna]

Dont worry I have a tooth that cracked really bad and is supposedto have a root canal. Iam a BIG baby it has cracked so much I dont think they will be able to do a root canal. Oh well its the back tooth so nobody will see it. I forgot I was advised to maybe offer to go to mediation and offer visits. so I dont know what I am going to do well I hope that we all have a better day tomorow.

[mrbeansmom]

>>I forgot I was advised to maybe offer to go to mediation and offer visits.<<

What does this mean exactly? Do they want you to talk with the mom and ask her to let you adopt your fd in exchange for some type of regular visits? I've never heard of that.

I'm in San Diego County. What county are you in?

Thanks to both of you for the encouragement about the root canal. My brother told me tonight that "all you need to do is ask for nitrous oxide". He's had a few root canals and said that the nitrous oxide made all the difference in the world. I'll have to look into that. I forgot to say that I have had 5 operations on my jaw and I can't hold my mouth open for more than about ten minutes. Even at that, I can't open wide at all. I wish they'd just knock me out all together.

[flxbl1]

I've kind of been through the same thing.
Parents both wanted 388 hearing saying things had changed and there should be a trial on it. Our judge looked at the evidence and denied their 388. Parental Rights were terminated BUT
this gave the parents THE only reason they could have come up with to appeal the case all the way to the supreme court.
Not giving the parents a trial on their 388 has caused a huge a lot of sleepless nights and it's still not over. We found out that most often a judge will grant a hearing on a 388 even if he doesn't think there's a chance in h*ll that the parents will win it just to avoid an appeal on it.

Please, please, please get defacto standing if you haven't already. It's very simple to do. There's info on how to do it online at the California Courts website. We didn't have an attorney when we filed for it. You will then be a party to all of the proceedings. If you ask, the court will probably appoint an attorney for you if you can't afford one. That judge doesn't really want you representing yourself and mucking up his courtroom.

We hired an attorney who had positive work experience with the judge that was handling our foster son's case. We get copies of all of the court documents, reports, etc.....and our attorney gets to participate in all of the proceedings. We felt so much more hopeless before we got an attorney.

Our adoption hearing is set for later this month. We feel like the walking wounded and are still waiting for a response to the bio parent's appeal to the Supreme Court. Please pray for us that they will reject it!

Lisa

[mrbeansmom]

Lisa,

>>Our judge looked at the evidence and denied their 388. Parental Rights were terminated BUT
this gave the parents THE only reason they could have come up with to appeal the case all the way to the supreme court. <<

Okay, this scares me! The parents of our 21 month old also filed a 388 and were denied and the judge terminated. They also appealed. Now I'm worried that this will come back and bite us. Honestly, I can't be too afraid. This little girl has SEVERE reactive attachment disorder and has been through multiple moves. Another move, even if it's back to the birth parents, could very well be the end of her. She doesn't even know them. I seriously can't see anyone upholding the appeal. That would be criminal. But then, who am I kidding?

I will keep you and your family in prayer. I hope everything works out for you and your little boy.

[skootinalong2]

Hopefully the Judge will look at whats in the best interest for the child. The Judge did in our case. (That is one of the loop holes in ICWA) (BTW, I am not against ICWA, just the way the tribe in our case handled the situation) If the Judge denied the 388 hearing, he must have believed it was the right thing. Judges do not like to take a chance that they can be overruled in an appeal. (Makes them and the county look bad)

In our case, the Judge told the DA and our atty. to give him a legal way to leave T with us. They did!!!

[CoolDonna]

Okay so Iam glad they are allowing the 388 hearing I talked to someone at dcfs today (I was doing internship) I was very encouraged. I decided Iam not going to worry anymore It is in Gods hands and Iam going to leave it in Gods hands. I am praying for all your children aswell that God will be with our judges and make the right decision. By the way Iam in LA County.
Lisa, if my case is already in the last state before tpr isnt it to late to file defacto parent. I wish I would of met you guys like 20 months ago lol. Anyways take care
Donna

[flxbl1]

Hi again,

I don't think it's too late to file for defacto standing. There may be more proceedings after TPR if parents appeal.

For instance, after TPR our attorney has been able to let us know and give us copies of the parents appeals to the appeals court and to the supreme court.

What happened with us is that we had to pay for the attorney until TPR then the judge appointed her to us for the adoption (and as it turns out appeals).

It's all so nerve racking. I'm in Orange county by the way. I only got involved with the system to foster and ended up with a baby the first month after I finished classes. He was supposed to be a short term foster and Walah - he's been with me ever since - he's almost 3.

hugs,
lisa

[skootinalong2]

I laugh when they say short term.

[CoolDonna]

Well I went to court today and the judge denied the 388 hearing the attorney for fd said too little too late( I think somebody else made that same comment) anyways we go to court on 1-19 to a contested hearing but the attorney said that the judge is going to terminate. I am so happy I feel like I can breathe again. I hope everything runs smoothly oh by the way the bparents still have monitored visits. Thank you to everybody who helped me with your advice.

[Karen24]

Does every adopting parent have to spend this much time in court. Is there ever an easy adoption? One that goes smoothly? I was just wondering and a bit frightened. karen