[Momoffive1966]

I would like to locate a family in the Sacramento/ Auburn California area that has or is adopting children thru the Foster Care system. We are new to Auburn and are in the process of adopting a sibling set. M is 8 years old and she is in 2nd grade. J is 4, nearly 5 and is a boy. We have two bio children 18, 16 and a 3 year old African American daughter we adopted in Orange County. She came to us at 11 months old and we just finished the adoption in May 2004.
I am looking for advice and support on bonding with these children and creating a new family out of a broken one. Any advice? I am nervous and want to be the best Mom ever.

[Waiting_Family]

Hi there,

Are you new to the Auburn/Sacramento area from Orange County?? Welcome! I'm in the Placerville area, not too terribly far, just across the American River from you, and we are transplanted 3 years from Ventura County.

Lilliput Adoptions and Sierra Adoptions both offer family support groups. I know that Lilliput offers them in Placerville, and Sierra offers in Rancho Cordova, but I think that they might have an office in Grass Valley or Nevada City.

We have a bio daughter, 10, and a foster daughter, 13.

Advice, I have none for you. I'm sure you will do fine. Rely on your social workers and therapists, and find some local families that understand fost/adopt, or have some very understanding friends available to you! The hardest thing for us is respite, because although we had one family fingerprinted so we can do this, we were new to the area at the time, and they were the only people we felt we could ask, and now we don't want to impose.

So, I guess I DO have advice after all. Find someone for respite at least once a month, to keep your sanity!

Best wishes,
M.

[Momoffive1966]

Yes we are from OC and I'm happy you replied....Thanks for the ideas. As of yet, no respite but my Mother-in-Law but she is REALLY busy. Again like you, I HATE imposing and have not developed close enough relationships with others to ask such a question.

We have a Bio son - 19 away at college
Bio daughter - 16 and a junior at Placer High
Chosen Daugher - 3.5
NewChosen Children, Daughter - 8 and son 5- will be coming home for good on November 20th and boy will we have alot to be thankful for this year!!!!!!

I'd love to chat some more if you'd like to email
mistermrsc@sbcglobal.net

Jillian

[Momoffive1966]

Yes we are from OC and I'm happy you replied....Thanks for the ideas. As of yet, no respite but my Mother-in-Law but she is REALLY busy. Again like you, I HATE imposing and have not developed close enough relationships with others to ask such a question.

We have a Bio son - 19 away at college
Bio daughter - 16 and a junior at Placer High
Chosen Daugher - 3.5
NewChosen Children, Daughter - 8 and son 5- will be coming home for good on November 20th and boy will we have alot to be thankful for this year!!!!!!

I'd love to chat some more if you'd like to email
mistermrsc@sbcglobal.net

Jillian

[NatashaSP]

Hi Jillian,

I'm not in Auburn (sorry) but I wanted to say "Hi" since in the world wide web we are still relatively close. I am in Placerville.

I wanted to let you know how excited for you I am. Dh and I are going to our Disclosure Meeting Friday to learn more about a sib set of 3 that we are very interested in adopting. We have no kids so this is going to be quite an adjustment.

This is going to be such an exciting month for you. And just the fact that you are seeking help says to me that you guys are going to do great! Can your agency help you find a support group? The one here in P'ville is only a few months old. Perhaps you can encourage your agency to start one if they don't have one yet. And check with the other local agencies because the groups seem to be open to people regardless of their agency. We are also close to a few families from our classes. I definitely believe in support systems.

I know that we don't have kids yet so I'm hesitant to offer advice, but I just wanted to encourage you to "impose" on your potential respite helper. Just remember that you're doing it for your kids - not just for you. Remember how you want to do everything possible to give your kids the best? Well, getting some respite relief is part of that plan. Just start nice and easy. Ask the person to watch your kids for just a couple of hours. You can even provide a video so the provider isn't totally lost. (I know that videos are not the answer for raising children, but a couple of hours won't hurt.)

Again, congratulations! Enjoy!

[Momoffive1966]

NatachaSP
Thank you!
We are really excited. I will see the kids tomorrow.
It sounds like we will soon have alot in common...If I could offer you advice in the decision making process...At our social workers insistance we waited a month before we made a decision. I wanted to jump right in and SW said think it through...IT was the right choice. We had data dripping out a little at a time and after that we met the kids, had three visits before we commited. Also, I'd say, trust your gut on the decision. We had the worst of the worst thrown at us and each time we processed the data, talked it over and as funny as it sounds "wore it" emotionally. I thought about my daily routine and how the kids would impact it, ect.
It's after Nov 20th that I am nervous about!!??!!
Keep meposted on the sib set...we may have more in common than we think in a few months LOL

[Momoffive1966]

I forgot to ask, how old are the kids?

[NatashaSP]

November 20th will be a huge event! Best wishes for a smooth transition.

"Our" sib set has 2 girls, 6 & 5, and a boy, 3. I know what you mean about taking your time. Part of me just wants to say "yes" immediately, and the other part knows I need to really consider the info in the file, etc. But right now both my gut and all of my reasoning is saying, with the info we know at the moment, that this is a good match for us. I really trust all the training we received. It seems like dh and I have really discussed and thought about many of the potential issues. Of course we realize that there are going to be days (or longer) where we will be going insane and wondering what we ever got ourselves into, but overall we have developed our comfort areas as far as what we think we can deal with.

I'm glad you have gotten so many chances to visit and lots of time to consider this. It is so much better to take your time now than to jump in and then disrupt. This whole process can be so heart-wrenching.

Good luck finding some local support. And HAPPY Thanksgiving!

[Momoffive1966]

Wow! I am excited for you too! So few people are willing to put themselves out there for a sib set. I think the transition will be about 90 days. After the "honeymoon" is over and you hit the wall...that's when we will need support!
There is a support group here that meets the 2nd Thursday of the month. I'm gonna check it out on Thursday night. I hear it's pretty dead though. And besides, Placerville isn't that far away LOL.
Isn't this forum the neatest way to find a little support? I've gotten some great ideas, ect here. I am finding that ONLY others who have walked in these shoes or like you, who are chosing to go in that direction are the only ones who really get it!
I hate it when people look at our family like we are Aliens. Especially because we are a Transracial family. My husbannd and I are C and our adopted daughter is AA and the new kids are also AA.....
Anyway, goodluck this week when you here more data about the kids, don't be scared about too much behavioral stuff and I'm happy it's sounding like a fit for your family. Do you work?

J

[sanleanne]

We are in Sacramento and adopted an 11 year old through Lilliput. What an awesome agency. We have had noting but a wonderful experience with the whole process. Our daughter is now 13 and will be 14 this month. She is flourishing beyond anyones wildest dreams. Her social worker knew her and knew what kind of famiy she really needed in order to be free and truly happy. There was no honeymoon period for us. I don't think it is wise to look for the things that are supposed to happen but to be prepared for them if they do. too many people will attribute behaviors to being a foster kid when it truly is just a kid thing. Just unconditionally love and support them...just as you would if you had them. My daughter is now an A student when she was in resource classes before. She is taking her exam to get in a private girls school in 3 weeks. So far her mock exams are right up to par. She was student council president in her 7th grade year (last) when her previous foster/adopt family said she couldn't make friends or even speak to people correctly. they said she was uncoordinated and couldn't even ride a bike...well, now she is the coxswain on an 8 person crew team that won second in their division. You have to let and encourage these kids to exceed their goals on your own. If they think and are told that they are bad or behind in math...they will be. We stripped all the labels and just let her be a kid. We are truly amazed and blessed by her every day. If by chance she didn't do all the things that I just wrote, we would be just as amazed and blessed. My birthson is 22 and just an average joe. Average grades, nice person, no sports, junior college...and we feel the same about him. Our children are what we are here for and nothing but their happiness is what we strive for. I wish you luck, joy and happiness in your new expanded family.