[ohsweetg]

Ok this is the most frustrating thing ever!!! I dont know about your county but in ours we , as foster parents, are not allowed to have our fs hair cut without his parents consent. I dont get it! I am told to treat him like our own but if he were my bio son he sure wouldnt have hair hanging over his ears!!!

[DianeS]

Yes, quite a few states and counties have that rule. Rediculous, isn't it?

Oh, no! My computer's being taken over! Ack! ... The solutions are: give the child lots of bubble gum - it'll eventually make it's way into his hair so you can have it cut out; give him or a younger child a pair of play scissors and give them a copy of "Elmo's first haircut"; have him babysat by someone who cuts hair for a living, and as you leave mention the rule that YOU can't have it cut but really hate it ... and hope they take the hint; or if he's the crying type have him come along when everybody else in the family gets their hair cut and report to the caseworker how he howled when he couldn't get his cut too; etc. If you're creative enough, he could look like a healthy kid again. Oh, gee, look, I have control over my own keyboard again now...

Another solution that's much more legal but harder to get is a prescription from his doctor to have it cut. Explain about whatever epidemic is going around the house, school, or daycare - headlice lice, ringworm, etc. Some doctors will actually order a haircut.

Good luck!

[ohsweetg]

Wow Diana,
I think your keyboard and I need to sit down and talk. It has some great ideas. I am hoping that today the sw will talk to his mom. She is in jail...not like she's that hard to find. GGGRRR!!! Tell your keyboard thank you very very much.
Gwen

[jamie3]

You're a genius, Diane! Creative solutions are great!

[mary112233]

We had a little NA boy whos mom wanted it long and pulled back into a pony tail.I did cut his bangs because he did have them whem he came to me so I just kept them that length.Most AA will not cut their childrens hair for the first year some even two years.I had another mom who didn't want her little boys curley hair cut until I told her and dad how many times someone said "What a cute little girl" That did it!!!!
Mary

[sharkey]

I haven't really gotten permission to cut hair but maintain the same basic haircut the child came with. None of the bparents have had a problem, although I had a 6yro boy who ended up with the WORST haircut when we told them just to trim it. Both bparents commented on that one and we still cringe when we look at the pictures.

[Gr8ful4MyFamily]

Originally posted by DianeS
Yes, quite a few states and counties have that rule. Rediculous, isn't it?

Oh, no! My computer's being taken over! Ack! ... The solutions are: give the child lots of bubble gum - it'll eventually make it's way into his hair so you can have it cut out; give him or a younger child a pair of play scissors and give them a copy of "Elmo's first haircut"; have him babysat by someone who cuts hair for a living, and as you leave mention the rule that YOU can't have it cut but really hate it ... and hope they take the hint; or if he's the crying type have him come along when everybody else in the family gets their hair cut and report to the caseworker how he howled when he couldn't get his cut too; etc. If you're creative enough, he could look like a healthy kid again. Oh, gee, look, I have control over my own keyboard again now...

Another solution that's much more legal but harder to get is a prescription from his doctor to have it cut. Explain about whatever epidemic is going around the house, school, or daycare - headlice lice, ringworm, etc. Some doctors will actually order a haircut.

Good luck!

I just wanted to say I LOVE you...and your Keyboard!

[yanknrebel]

I have the same problem. We have a 28 month old fd who has the most beautiful head of hair with golden brown (hints of red highlights) and ringlets, you have ever seen. The problem is that since we have not been able to get her hair cut, it is getting really wild looking. It is NOT the bparents but the DCS office. The bparents have told us we could trim it (that is all we want to do because we do not want to lose the ringlets) but the cw said NOT TOO because the bparents could turn this around and say we did so without their consent. HUH?!! We were even asked by the bparents to get the baby's ears pierced right after birth. The bparents even signed a permission letter I had written up saying that I could get her ersa pierced. Both the cw and the casemanager told me even with the letter, that they woulsd suggest I NOT do this until we finally adopted her. It is very aggravating.

[tiffeben]

I would double check that one! i just had my fs' haircut and the social worker was gushing over it! I'm in L.A. county. We adopted our first fs after having him from birth - they wouldn't let us circumcise him until the adoption was final even though there were NO parents in the picture - they had relinquished him under the safe arms act. So, at 11 months we had to have it done - ouch! this is my second go at fost-adopt - cross your fingers - it looks like it's going to be a tricky one!

[Haddaway]

Santa Clara County is the same.. no haircut for foster kids without parental OK. If parents say no, then court permission is needed.

[crazycook]

We had a 13 month old girl who had this one really straggly piece of hair that hung in her face all the time and always got in her mouth when she ate. I got fed up and cut it to the length of the rest of her hair. We are talking about only a dozen or so strands of hair that I trimmed about an inch to match the rest of her hair.

Well after her next vist the social worker said the mom (a 16 year old heroin addict) was very upset that we had given her her first hair cut! She was wanting to know if we kept the hair, etc. I tried to explain to the social worker that we didn't have her hair cut, I just trimmed off a straggly end. Who knew it would even be noticable?

[jgalt]

It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
Stuart's Law of Retroaction

I had no idea there is such a rule. Count my blessings, our foster children (4 and 5) love getting their hair cut... they love "stick up hair" (spikey with a little gel in it). No one has ever said anything negative.

[gregorysparents]

I am fairly new to this site - so - I am reading all that I can. I LOVE DianeS's suggestions!! What a hoot!! I know that in Indiana you have to have permission from the bp and/or cw. I had a fd (age four) with me last year for a while and she had long hair (including long bangs) and her hair was getting terrible to work with. I asked the cw if I could have it trimmed and she said "ok". So, I did. I took her and had her hair professionally cut. Remind you, she was only four - I could have cut it myself, but I chose to have a "professional" do it!! Note: You could not tell that her hair had even been cut and I did not have the bangs cut!! Well, I took my then fd to a supervised visitation with her mother. The first thing that my fd said was, "Look Mom, Christina cut my hair." Well, needless to say the bp hit the roof. She informed me that I had no right to cut her hair - that she was the MOTHER and she had NEVER cut her hair before. She was very rude and disrespectful. I did not deserve to be talked to this way especially in front of this child that was already having difficulting listening to anyone but her Mom. Note (again!!): Fd and her brother had been in the foster care system for several years off and on.

I wanted to give the Mom respect (maybe she felt bad because she wasn't around to make this decision - maybe not - I didn't know and I was not going to upset this child) so I had to bite my lip because what was getting ready to come out was "If you were a Mother that would care for your children then you and I would never be having this conversation and you would be able to decide if and when to cut this child's hair!!!!" But, I remained calm cool and collected!!

In general, most bp don't mind their child's hair being trimmed. I believe the "law" with cutting hair was started because some religions have different beliefs in regards to cutting hair. Some fp's would have the child's hair cut to suit the fp as soon as the child arrived at their home and in some cases this violated the bp religious beliefs.

Christina

[3fromheaven]

Heres what i did when i was in the sam stuation. i told the SW that the hair was hurting his vision, and lucky for me I had a great doctor that backed me up on it and i cut the hair! good luck

[Kate1129]

I am not in CA, but in Wyoming. We have "hair issues" here too! I have not had a problem myself but other foster parents in my county have.

When the children are taken from the bparents they only have so many things they get to have "say" about. So they hold those tight!!!

I ran into the issue of have a medical procedure done! My fd (12 months at the time) was tongue tied. It was affecting her speech. I had to fight tooth and nail and months to get it done. I finally had the doctor write a report and sent it to the judge on the case! That got the ball rolling!!!! It's a real pain!!!