[vbandsf]

Has anyone else had trouble getting information from LA County DCFS? We had two kids placed with us in mid-August, after DCFS gave us a presentation and we checked in with TIES (the program at UCLA). It all looked promising and they said the ** was not compliant with the court order, she hadn't communicated with the department since May, and they were all but certain they'd get parental rights terminated in September.

After they were placed, the former foster mother told me the ** called her in late July (after we'd met the kids) but no one mentioned this to us. When I called the kids' CSW, she said she didn't know, and since the former FM told her to call DCFS, the CSW said not to worry.

Yesterday, there's a message on my answering machine - the kids' **! When I called the CSW, she acknowledged the ** called them last week. She also said she was aware the ** enrolled in drug treatment (court ordered) in June(!!) but hadn't attended all the classes.

She says the ** is the department's client and why should they tell us?

Meanwhile, I've got two traumatized kids (they've been in care since early 2001) who don't trust that this will last. We keep reassuring them it's okay, they're here to stay, but now...?! They said not to tell the children about the call but I need to talk to their therapist about it.

We can't help feeling like DCFS desliberately deceived us - we love these kids and we'll fight for them but we went into this saying we didn't want kids who would be ripped away. Since they're 11 and 6, they're old for adoption - but they're really good children.

If anyone else has stories about DCFS, we'd appreciate hearing it.

[vbandsf]

Honestly (and now I regret it, of course) when we first met her, I told the former foster mother she could give the birth mother our number if she ever called again, wanting the kids to have contact with her in future years if she ever resurfaced.

My mistake, my responsibility (but I wish I'd been told that wasn't a good idea - I was naive and thought it was the right thing to do - but nonetheless, my fault).

I've talked to a supervisor at DCFS but they still say it's not our business that she called them. If she hadn't called me we'd never have known, and would've shown up at court to a complete shock.

[Anitafostadopt]

Hi there. This is my very first time posting in any of these rooms, and I thought I'd start here since you seem friendly and open to questions & new people. I am going through the certification process to fost/adopt two sisters ages 5 to 9 (to be done Nov 1), and I am 39 and a 1st time (single) mom. I've felt "called" to do this all my life, and even though I always pictured being married fostering / adopting children, I am pursuing it as a single working mom who has lots of support from friends & family.

Just thought I'd ask anyone listening for good advice as I prepare to take on this huge lifechanging step. They are doing my presearch now, and I haven't seen any profiles yet, but I know what I want & what I'm willing to handle being a single mom. I live in California.

Thanks..

Anita

[vbandsf]

Hi Anita
I can't speak for anyone else, but while we're going through a difficult time, it's been (from what I hear) comparatively easy. The birth mother hasn't called back, but our hearing for TPR (termination of parental rights) is Thursday.

I'm lucky enough to be doing this with my partner of 10 years, so that makes it hugely easier. When I'm frying out she steps in and vice versa.

Given that you want two girls you'll probably have a longer than average wait, but the fact that you'll take older is a plus. It's also a benefit if you're willing to take minorities.

I had no idea of how life altering this would be - or how demoralizing - my 11 year old says things like "Maybe one day you'll be a nice person" and "you're evil" - and all I'm doing is setting a 9pm bedtime on a schoolnight! Of course, to a kid who's never had a bedtime, it must be really restrictive.

They tell me we're in the hardest time now - and honestly, there are moments that make it all worth it (a sleepy child throwing his/her arms around you). I'm sure you'll do great.

[Anitafostadopt]

Thanks so much for your reply & insights. It means a lot. Good luck on your TPR -- maybe things will change with her attitude as the adoption goes thru and they're more secure with knowing it's going to be something they can count. I'll keep you posted with what I'm doing. My agency is telling me that BECAUSE I want siblings of any ethnicity and ages 5 to 9, I'll get them faster. We'll see. I'm only wanting to consider kids who already have TPR.

Talk to you soon...

Anita

[LaNancy]

Vbandsf: I have seen a few of your postings and would like to hear about more of your experiences with DCFS. My partner and I are attending the orientation meeting Dec. 19th..we are interested in fost/adopt mainly. I just wondered if, as a lesbian couple (as we are)..you had a good experience with DCFS. Had you researched any private agencies?

Hope the situation with your girls is getting better..it sounds a little stressful.

[vbandsf]

Hi Nancy
E-mail me at vbandsf@yahoo.com (my "junk" mail box) and I'll send you my "real" address.

DCFS has it's goods and bads, but mostly they're overworked.

The kids are doing okay (I hesitate to say they're doing well since every darn time I do, we have a hideous day the next day. I swear those children are telepathic). I think we were really lucky as they're not having some of the problems I hear about, but we certainly do have issues to work on.

Whatever you do, if there is ANY way to get into TIES for Adoption at UCLA, DO IT. They closed the program in the late summer as a result of over demand, and I don't know if they're taking any new families. They are amazing and I think we wouldn't have made it without them.

Talk to you later.
Victoria