[One_Happy_Momma]

I'm wondering if there are any birthmothers on this forum whose kids were adopted from the foster care system.

I want to look for my daughters' birthmothers and have some sort of communication, but want to get a sense of how they feel from any them on this forum.

Thank you so much!

[Suziebearhugs]

I'm interested to find out as well.

[One_Happy_Momma]

Where are they?

[Jackiejdajda]

I always seek out and try and help the ones that have lost their children into foster care for various reasons and I try and say kind words..

But I think of one woman writing .. these places (the support forums) are not for me.. or something like that..

Today some women/men considering relinquishing are told that if they do they will regret it forever.. etc etc..

I worry that if someone is persuaded to not relinquish and the persons heart is not into raising a child what happens to the child.. and how difficult it is for a child to go into the foster care.. and how difficult it is to put a child into foster care when saying.. I can not do it..


My heart hurts for these people.. and God bless you moms and dads that take care of a child in foster care..

Jackie

[RavenSong]

Originally Posted by Jackiejdajda

I always seek out and try and help the ones that have lost their children into foster care for various reasons and I try and say kind words..

But I think of one woman writing .. these places (the support forums) are not for me.. or something like that..

Jackie, do you think women who have lost their children to foster care feel uncomfortable sharing here on the forums? They are judged so harshly by so many people...I wonder if they fear that birthmothers who voluntarily relinquished would judge them harshly too?

Thank you for reaching out to them, and saying kind words. There is a lesson in that for me...

Originally Posted by Jackiejdajda

I worry that if someone is persuaded to not relinquish and the persons heart is not into raising a child what happens to the child.. and how difficult it is for a child to go into the foster care.. and how difficult it is to put a child into foster care when saying.. I can not do it..

That is a really good point, one that I'll remember in the future. Such hard decisions...

[Jackiejdajda]

RavenSong

Jackie, do you think women who have lost their children to foster care feel uncomfortable sharing here on the forums? They are judged so harshly by so many people...I wonder if they fear that birthmothers who voluntarily relinquished would judge them harshly too?

I think of the woman that has had her child taken because of addictions or neglect or lack of money..
I can remember sitting in the rooms of NA and hearing a woman share that she had lost her children.. She had recovered from addictions but her children were still gone..
We all of us are human.. and we all learn from our mistakes.. Or we learn to keep out of the way of the ones that abuse us.. get strong.. say no..

My heart breaks for the ones that are in this kind of bad place.. and can not share in a place such as this.. or feels like she/he will be judged..

Thank you for reaching out to them, and saying kind words. There is a lesson in that for me...

I think of the line in Prufrock.. TS Eliot..

For I have heard the mermaids sing.. they will not sing for me..

That is a really good point, one that I'll remember in the future. Such hard decisions...

I can not imagine being a child and being given away a ten or eight or six.. and not understanding why..
A child's mind and a child's emotions are developing at breakneck speeds in those early years..

And I admire and respect the parents here that take that child in..

Jackie

[One_Happy_Momma]

Originally Posted by Jackiejdajda

RavenSong


I think of the woman that has had her child taken because of addictions or neglect or lack of money..
I can remember sitting in the rooms of NA and hearing a woman share that she had lost her children.. She had recovered from addictions but her children were still gone..
Jackie

I think about this a lot, and I hope and pray that both my kids' bparents can get better so my daughters' can some day have a healthy relationship with them.

[michelisgirl]

i am a birth mom who lost her kids in california to foster adopt, i was stuck on the drug testing patch if that tells you anything even at 18months clean they still said i was dirty and thats one thing that really hurt, i miss my kids and its been 10 yrs and i would love to find them, i made my mistakes and i still pay for them everyday of my life no matter what i do they are used agaisnt me even 10 yrs later. yes its embarassing and hurtful and yes people look down on me, i ahve gone thru yrs of therapy becaus of it, i wanted to say thank you to you for being there for these women becaus believe it or not the systems not perfect