[lisa in venice]

Just wanted to chime in here and add some positivity to this board. My three and a half year old who was exclusively fed at the breast has weaned and while inducing latcation is not always easy it is very rewarding. Breastfeeding an adopted child isn't about "forgetting" they are not biologically related to you it is about a style of parenting. I would nurse a bio child, why on earth would I give an adopted baby any less?

My ds' birth mom was very concerned about her family history of allergy and was lamenting that this baby would not get breast milk as she didn't feel that she could nurse him or pump afterwards. As luck would have it we found each other, we both thought it was important that this child get breast milk and we made sure it happened.. One we made the decision I began to pump and take herbs. I briefly tried the reflux drug Reglan but quit because of the side effects (made me drowsy). When Sam was born I was consistan;y able to pump an ounce or so at each session so for the first week I ursed him witout any suppliment. By the time he was six days old my supply was not keeping up with his demand and I began supplimenting at the breast with a Lact-Aide Nursing Trainer.

Over the next few weeks I was supplimenting more and more and it was assumed my low supply was because I had not given birth. After seeing not one, not two but three LCs I found a fourth who was board certified and actually had experience with real nursing problems including induced lactation. At out first visit she looked at several things that no one else had bothered to look at an discovered several problems we were having. First Sam had thrush in fact was born with it. While he latched well in te hospital it had gottne progresseivly worse as the thrush hurt his little mouth. next he has a VERY high palette which is often the cause of a weak suck and bad latch. He would have to be retrained to nurse. Lastly he had dairy sensitivies (common in his birth family) which caused him to have a constant stuffy nose. He couldn't breathe so it was hard for him to get the good deep latch that is needed of effective nursing.

After working with this LC was able to exclusively breastfeed my baby for nearly a year (Sam was not that interested in solids until he could eat real food instead of baby food). It was a wonderful experience. After FF two children and breastfeeding one I can honestly say that there is a difference. It is not as convient at first and definatly more work in the beginning but it is a more intimate bond especially early on. It means that you can't leave you baby for very long they way you can if you formula feed but at the same time it is easier to take you baby with you. My older children are well loved, well adjusted, and generally great kids but I do regret not nursing them especially given their difficult first few months. I think nursing would have been a great comfort to them.

I am lucky to have a very open adoption with a birthfamily with many things in common, including our philosophy on raising children. I feel very blessed to have them in our lives. That we share so much in common made the decison to nurse this chil an easy one. It was something that all of us valued. Sam is now nearly four and has no allergies/asthma and is no longer dairy sensitive. He may not have inherited those allergies from his birth family but I think nursing might have helped. If you can do the best for your baby you should at lest give it a try.

lisa

[pdq]

WOW!! I greatly admire your desire and determination to do what you absolutly thought was the best thing for your child!! What an inspiring story! I hope your story encourages others to try adoptive breastfeeding.

I briefly breastfed my adopted 9 month old son from Kazakhstan. He latched right from the beginning and we did fine with the Lact-aid. Unfortunately with the high demands of my other children at the time (a 23 m old girl and a 3.5 yr old son), I just couldn't continue. I was feeling overwhelmed.

In hindsight, I wish I would have hung in there a little while longer. But at the time, I know I just did the best I could!

Thanks for sharing your story, Lisa!
Pat

[Michelle 053002]

Hi Lisa,

I,too am an adoptive mom that breastfeeds. I didn't have as much luck producing a full supply for my daughter and I agree that it can be hard work but definately worth it. My daughter was adopted at 3 days old. We had 12 hours notice before bringing her home and I had just finished reading the book Breastfeeding the adoptive baby and was completely sure I wanted to or not. So I didn't have a head start on the pumping and herbs. After one week with my baby I decided I wanted to and called the LC at our local hospital, she was very helpful although she never actually dealt with our sitution before she did some research before our appointment. I used the Lact-Aid system as well. Our daughter is now 9 months old and has been on baby food for several months but still enjoys nursing for comfort. She refused a bottle from the time I started nursing. I think it is a very personal decision, but one I will never regret. It is great to hear from some one else with a positive point of view on this subject. Thank you for sharing your story. Michelle

[marilyna]

I'm matched with a baby due in August and am thinking about nursing. But I was wondering--do you find that other people think it's strange to breastfeed an adopted baby? Not that what others think is so important, but I was wondering...
Thanks for any insight you can give.

[lisa in venice]

I think I got a lot more negativity about breastfeeding my older kids because I was not as sure of myself then. I wanted to do it but didn't have good reliable info or support so I made sort of a half hearted effort. I had lots of people telling me it was not important, it would never work etc. This time I was bound and determined and I probably exuded an attitude that said "yeah, you got something to say?" If people thought it was weird I never heard about it. I DID get a lot of congrats and "good jobs". I guess what I am saying is that if this is something for you it really won't matter what other people think.

lisa

[Michelle 053002]

I only had a few people think it was weird and they didn't breastfeed their Bio child. (Everyone else that I told) was very supportive. I didn't want to tell the whole world for fear that I would get flack, my husband and family told a lot of people. Mostly the questions I got were curious as to how it was possible. you need to do what you feel in your heart is right for you and your baby. Good luck to you. Michelle

[marilyna]

Thank you for your answers. I do think it would be best for my baby, of course. And I've always wanted to nurse a baby. I've never had any children, so it may be harder? Guess I need to get some books!
I can't wait to tell my husband I've mentioned it to him once and he just stared at me like -- You're strange!

[Chelle01]

I will say, many people thought I was weird for wanting to bf our adopted children but more often they were just curious and wanted information! Only 3 of the 4 BF (our daughter was almost 4 when adoption was finalized and had no interest!) and each began at different ages (2 months, 14 months, 3 years). The most annoying assumption by others is that what I was producing was somehow different from "real" breastmilk. Other than that, the strangest comment was a pediatrician in our office who said "It must throw people off seeing a baby that dark nursing from a Momma so fair!" What can you say but - probably so.....
For a good on-line support group for ABF try www.fourfriends.com they're extremely helpful, supportive and knowledgeable.

[Lisaadopt]

ok..ok...ok....Am I the only one who thinks this is crazy????? I too have an adopted infant son. I would never think of breast feeding him. I have read about it and my first thought was...this is crazy!!! I'm not bashing anyone for this....I guess I just don't understand why you would do this. I guess that is why we as people are all different. I'm glad for my decision for my son to use formula....who am I to say you are wrong.....I can't ......but I can say that I really don't understand. thanks for listening.

[marilyna]

When I first heard of it, I thought it was very strange, but that's been a few years ago, and I've gotten used to the idea.
I remember when I was nine years old and I found out that mothers breast fed their babies. I thought it was nasty (as in obscene)! How sad that a child can live nine years and not know that that's what breasts are for!
From what I've read, women commonly nurse other people's babies in other countries. I think it's just strange for our culture to nurse an adopted baby, but it wouldn't be thought strange in some parts of the world.
Anyway, I don't know that I will do it, but I've been looking forward to nursing my biological babies since I was 18, but biological babies never came.

[pdq]

I don't think adoptive breastfeeding is crazy at all! The goal of adoptive breastfeeding really is to promote a loving, nuturing relationship with your child. JMO. With that said - I know it is possible to do the same thing with a formula fed baby, so please don't get angry with me. Each family simply has their own way of providing this kind of relationship with their child. Some choose to do it with adoptive breastfeeding. Its really not that strange when you think of it this way. We all have our opinions on the way we should raise of families. We should be tolerant of everyone.

The bonus of adoptive breastfeeding (besides promoting bonding and attachment) is being able to supply the best nutrition you can give a baby/toddler. Producing milk is secondary to promoting attachment and a loving relationship with your child.

As others have mentioned before, in many countries it is common for lactating mothers to breastfeed children other than their own. Its not common practice in the US, however, which is why is seems so "crazy" to some of us.

I have 5 children - 2 are bio and were breastfed. Well - my youngest is only 3.5 months, so she is still being breastfed. I did adoptive breastfeeding with my youngest son for about 4-5 wks. He was adopted at 9 months. Like I said in my earlier post, I wish I could have done it longer.

No matter which way you breastfeed (bio/adoptive), there are challenges to overcome. Success is achievable with lots of practice and patience. My hats off to anyone who accomplishes either!!

Pat

[Lisaadopt]

Well, it is nice to hear everyones different take on this. I have had my son since he was one month old and I felt that me and my son bonded when I fed him the bottle.....but again, this is a personal decision for each of us. I do know that I have spoken to mothers outside of adoption...another words bmoms that raise their children and they think it is strange to breastfeed a nonbiological child. I guess this is just another changing thing we or "I" have to get used to. I do say......do what you think is best for your child.

[lisa in venice]

Adoption is as old as human society. We are social creatures and would not have survived if we were not. We are also mammals therefore we feed our babies from the breast just like mice and wolves and lions. We were created to be able to nurse not only children born to us but children that come into our care, again just like other mammals. It is very common for cats to nurse other kittens and we sigh and moon over the sweetness of that but it is crazy to behave like the mammals that we are with human chidlren? We can choose not to breastfeed because formula has made that an easy choice but in the not too distant past it was not a choice. A baby that was not nursed was likely to die. In pre-industrial societies adoptive breastfeeding is the norm and babies not breastfed by their caregivers are likely to die. I believe that it is essential to who we are as creatures. (but that's my own personal theology)

I never thought that it was strange but it probably has to do with the fact that I grew up listening to stories of how my great grand mother took in the baby of a neighbor (who was probably sufering from severe PPD) and nursed him for several months. This was long after her youngest child weaned. It was just what you did. The fact that it is possible AND used to be common speaks to the fact that we are made that way.

I think that adoptive breastfeeding has become a strange idea because we have become a formula culture where breastfeeding is no longer the norm. We are now weirded out by the normal function of breasts. We give bio-moms a hard time for nursing thier babies becasue we have lforgotten taht for a couple million years that was how babies and toddlers ate, recieved comfort and bonded. Just look at our language: Breastfed babies are less likely to be obese, have allergies, have GI issues etc, etc, etc. This assumes that formula is the standard, if breastfeeding were the standard we would say that formula has been associated with obesity, childhood cancers, allergies, etc etc, etc.

Of course you can bond with a FF baby, I have two of them but having done it both ways I can tell you that there is a difference. Breastfeeding is more intimate and the bonding for me happened faster. I am not saying that I don't love my older kids as much as the youngest but what I am saying is that the bond that I developed with Sam was more intense at an earlier stage and more primal. I found that I was more responsive and some of that was purly physiological. I knew he was hungy before he fussed because my boobies told me. Breastfeeding a child that is not related is not "CRAZY" it is a different style of parenting. I would ask you this question, if breastfeeding is important to you as a parent and you would BF your bio-kids why would you do anything less for your adopted kids, if you could (I recognize the added challenges of induced lactation). I am not saying that one MUST BF to be a good parent but assuming that it is part of your style of parenting (and I my case it was) it is just what you do.

OK, I am clinbing down off my Nursing Nazi platform.

lisa

[Chelle01]

I would never presume to say that you cannot bond with your child if you don't breastfeed. Obviously that's ludicrous and I have nothing against those who choose not to BF or try and are unsuccessful. On the other hand, to be called crazy for making this choice is offensive. In my case, my adopted children all were born drug and alcohol exposed, no pre-natal care, pre-term (except for one) very low birth weights and had various illnesses ranging from severe asthma/allergies to sickle cell disease. In addition to that, our son (who came to us at 2 1/2 from an abusive foster/adoptive placement and had experienced 4 placements prior to that plus 22 hospitalizations mostly caused by mismanagement of his condition) had attachment issues that a year of intense attachment therapy didn't help. Obviously, BF was not the only answer but I will say that after 6 months of nursing he was much happier, his bonding assessment came out secure and his hospitalizations have been reduced to one every year or so.

[Angelique]

I have four bio children and have nursed them all. We are waiting to adopt, and I know I have no milk now, but I would love to nurse. Please tell me about the herbs. Thank you.