[tobyandcoco]

My DH and I are researching agencies and plan to start the adoption process (domestic) in the next year or so. I have every intention of breastfeeding our baby. However, I've heard that often times the concept of the aparent breastfeeding isn't always accepted by the bmom. Did you tell your bmom that you intended to breastfeed? How did she react?

Breastfeeding my baby is of extreme importance to me, but I'm not sure how we go about disclosing our intentions to do so? If we tell her during the early matching stages, I'm afraid that will be something that might scare her off. But, I don't want to wait until we're at the hospital and I request to breastfeed, because I don't want her to feel as if we're hiding something. I've even wondered if we should specify an adoption that is more "closed" than "open", so there is less of a concern. I'd love some advice on how everyone here handled that situation. Thanks!

[Leigh131313]

My thoughts on the matter - tho i never tried or planned to breastfeed...

First of all - If asked, be honest. Whether that is from the agency or the eparents.

However, if not asked about feeding/nursing I wouldn't feel the need to point it out. If this was a dealbreaker thing for the emom, she should be particular about not wanting an afamily who plans to breastfeed.

To me it's a parenting decision and once you are parenting, it's your decision to make....which brings me to my next point.

Until consents are signed, it is not your baby and it's not your choice on how to feed the baby. So as far as asking fora room to nurse at the hospital - unless the consents are signed, this probably wouldn't come up anyway. I don't think waiting an extra day or two will hurt your attempts to nurse.

[thanksgivingmom]

Speaking as a bmother, I tend to agree with Leigh on this one.

If I asked a prospective adoptive Mother and she said No but was planning on it all along, I would feel extremely betrayed and hurt, which is not a great way to start this relationship.

If not asked, it's your call if you choose to disclose or not.

No matter what, I (personally) would be opposed to having an aparent nurse while I was still in the hospital with my child. What if I wanted to breastfeed? I would also feel that it would be added pressure that I HAD to continue on the adoption path and couldn't change my mind and chose to parent, but maybe that's just me.

If breastfeeding is important to you, you just might find an emother that it's important to as well, that WANTS her child to be breastfed by the amom after adoption! Adoption is NOT one size fits all, there's a match out there for you.

You mentioned having a more closed adoption in order to breastfeed - if you WANT an open adoption, I would pursue one and find an emom that wants an open adoption and either is looking for an amom that will breastfeed, or one that it's not a dealbreaker for.

Good luck!

[tobyandcoco]

Thank you for your thoughts! I definately don't want to be dishonest, and I would disclose if asked....I just wasn't sure if it was a topic that I should disclose if not asked. But, you made a good point, if I don't breastfeed until after consent is signed, it's really no different than any other parenting decision, of which I wouldn't consult the bmom about. So, thank you again for your thoughts....I think we'll just have to take it on a case by case basis.

[teendoc]

I told our firstmother that I had been preparing for adoptive breastfeeding, so she knew early on after we matched. I later asked her if she would mind my breastfeeding in the hospital. I told her to truly be honest with me. (We have a very honest relationship to date).

She said yes at first, but then with the emotions high in the hospital, she decided that she didn't want me to nurse the baby during her hospital stay. I completely respected her wishes and didn't begin nursing until after the entrustment ceremony we had and the TPRs were signed.

[wolfcat87]

I'd love for someone adopting my baby to breastfeed it!

[tobyandcoco]

Wolfcat-Thanks! My hope is that our future bmom will feel the same way!

[Whirled_Peas]

We are hoping to adopt. I will nurse the baby. We are very upfront about this plan for 2 reasons. 1. We feel it would be unfair to not disclose this. If the firstmom is uncomfortable with this, that is not fair to her or the baby. Since we want an open adoption, it would just get weird if I needed to nurse the baby in front of her. 2. We want to find a mom that is looking for someone who will nurse her baby. There are moms out there who long for that and we want to be available to fulfill that mom's wish.

So, there are probably a lot of expectant moms that will discount us because of this. That's okay. There are others that will discount us for other reasons. (Our non-religions, our race, our...) But the right mom/family will (hopefully) find us and choose us.