[firstparentblog2]

Jenna, Ann Fessler is supposed to be at the CUB retreat in Oct. - so will a panel of some of the moms in the book. I know at least one of the moms whose stories were shared in the book. The stories did not shock me - I know too many women whose stories are nearly identical to some in the book.

I am pleased that so many are reading this book. I hope that no one believes that it has all changed though - much has not.

[SchmennaLeigh]

It hasn't changed. And my friend won't listen to me.

They can only make "personal phone calls" from the "office phone" and those are "limited."

I want to scream.

[taramayrn]

Jenna (((HUGS))) for your friend. I will be praying for her...why does she feel she needs to go to the home? If you don't mind sharing.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Her family is not supportive and it's closer to her boyfriend. But she doesn't realize they basically all but cut off your outside contact. Sigh. And now she's made me out to be the bad guy because I gave her all the information on FC homes that I could find.

[taramayrn]

Darn it...I'm sorry for her and for you. Can she not live with her boyfriend? Just feeling for her...would hate to see her go somewhere so restrictive and possibly coercive.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Anyone want to wrap up discussion and talk about things that REALLY stuck out to you, etc? General feel of the book?

Today is the last day of June!

[merrill1277]

Originally Posted by SchmennaLeigh

Anyone want to wrap up discussion and talk about things that REALLY stuck out to you, etc? General feel of the book?

Originally Posted by SchmennaLeigh

Today is the last day of June!

I would and there is something I wanted to post on in particular, but haven't had much computer time with my work schedule lately, and I've been feeling somewhat exhausted also. I need to sign off now, and won't get back on until some time tomorrow. Can we continue the discussion past the end of the month or does it have to end at the end of the month?

[SchmennaLeigh]

I also have something I need to write (it's been forming) but I won't have time at work today. I am alone (no kid even ) tonight so I will get it written up after work.

Merrill, I look forward to your continued input as well.

[mrosey]

Hi I bought the book a few weeks ago. Usually I can wiz through a good book in a night. I started it and I agree with someone else who posted earlier, I wasn't shocked because I've heard about the Baby Scoop stories for a while now. My aunt and birthmother have told me the stories and it is very sad. I guess I stopped reading for a week or so and picked it up again last night. I just happened to open it towards the back. The one thing that stuck out that I hadn't heard before was the reaction of the birthmothers during reunion to the birthfathers and how that part of their trauma came rushing back. The answers they needed to have for their birthchildren when they were reunited. I know that in my own case, my birthmother was thrilled that I found her. The tough part came when I began asking questions about my birthfather. I literally had to skate on thin ice and watch how I approached it because I know that it was a very fragile topic. The other aspect of this whole ugly story is the birthmother's resentment to her parents. A whole other can of worms. I'm just glad this book is out there....I need to start it again from the beginning. Sometimes I think I can't stand to read it because it sickens me to think that so many of these poors girls had to live through this. My thanks to Ann and all that helped create this book!


Michele

[snuffie]

I just finished the book yesterday. Wow, I really enjoyed it.
Some things that stuck out to me was the raw feelings of all of the birthmothers. How very little choice they really did have. And how much they really loved their babies. It made me cry to think that my mother went through this.
I found it very interesting that adoption records were "scripted". Mine followed the "script" as far as my bdad is concerned. So now I really wonder what the true story is.

I am also wondering how I would go about finding some of the women who were in the unwed mother's home at the same time my mother was there. Does anyone have any ideas?

Snuffie

[Isabo]

I narrowly avoided being sent to an unwed mother's home (Marillac Hall in Farmington Hills, Michigan) because the wait list was so long that I wouldn't have been admitted until just before my due date. I did get the tour of the home though. Instead, I was sent to my Aunt's home. I thank God that I missed that experience! However, I can testify to the repressive social climate of the times, my parents' shame over my pregnancy, and the coercive, judgmental and plain fraudulent practices used by the adoption agency to secure relinquishment of my son. Mothers of the closed adoption era are coming to refer to this era as the "Baby Scoop Era" or BSE, and I embrace that term as a true description of the adoption practices and social acceptance of those practices.

Originally Posted by snuffie

I am also wondering how I would go about finding some of the women who were in the unwed mother's home at the same time my mother was there. Does anyone have any ideas?
Snuffie

Snuffie,

When was your mother in the home and what home was it (name and location)? I am a member of a group and several of the members are in the book. I can pass your information on to them and see if they were there then.

Also, I recommend posting threads in the birthparents forum with that information and see if you get any hits. You might also want to post that information on Internet search boards and see if you get any responses.

[BookMom66]

Obviously, this is one of those books that has touched many people and is extremely thought-provoking. I'm glad the discussion has extended in to July. I haven't "heard" the oral histories and I'm sure they must be even more powerful when you hear each birthmother's individual voice. Is there a way to access the oral history project online?

I've seen other people mention this book on other threads here and I'm happy to see the word get out. I would imagine that The Girls Who Went Away will be a new adoption classic. I wonder if Anne Fessler has plans for a follow-up or other adoption-related projects. Does anyone know?

Since my first post I have learned that my own birthmother was not in an unwed mothers' home, but it might have been a near miss. She didn't tell anyone she was pregnant until her 8th month. Five days after she finally told her parents and they came and got her from college she gave birth to me.

[Beth34]

I have finished reading the book and I can say that I haven't read anything that has moved me as much as this book has. I am adoptive mom of a 4 month old. Reading that book has made me all the more sure of our decision to have an open adoption with our daughter's birthmom. I would hate for our daughter not to know her story and history. It has made me realize that even today, people who are in a vulnerable position of being pregnant and alone could be coerced into placing a child when it really isn't what they want. I'm so glad that we went with an agency that tries very hard to make sure that women know the rights and options they have available. We are still going to the agency for monthly visits and I try to tell everyone there that the have to read this book.
What struck me so much about the book was the similar experience that so many women had. It didn't matter where they were or who their families were. The societal pressure was so strong. What also struck me was the downright cruelty of some of the nurses and social workers. I have to wonder if they honestly thought they were doing what was best for the young women. I wonder if they now regret their actions.
I would like to hear some of those stories as well.
Beth

[shadowdove]

Wednesday, July 26
ABC¹s GOOD MORNING AMERICA !!!
7AM * 9:00AM (east coast) check local listings.
The segment will probably be 4 -7 minutes including studio and taped
segments
AND the next day...

Thursday, July 27
THE DIANE REHM SHOW *National Public Radio
You can listen live or download at:
http://www.wamu.org/programs/dr/

The segment will air live on Thursday, July 27 from 11:00AM * noon (east
coast). (Ann) will have two (local to DC) moms in the studio with (Ann) * Margy
McMorrow and Ann Hughes.

---------------------
In addition:

RADIO - this weekend

Sunday, July 23
The John Rothmann Show
KGO-AM 810 * News Talk, San Francisco
8:00 AM (east coast) 5:00 AM (SF) * LIVE
Station archives programs for 24 hours only on website
listen live or find archives at:
http://www.kgoam810.com/listenlive.asp


IN PRINT -- These reviews appeared with no advance notice.
They can be accessed on-line

Sunday, July 16
The Plain Dealer (Cleveland)
³When Society Shunned the Unwed Mother² by Vikas Turakhia
http://www.cleveland.com/entertainme...base/entertain
ment/1152952234240110.xml&coll=2
(the site may ask for your zip code, year of birth, and gender before
linking you to the story)

Sunday, July 16
The Post and Courier, Charleston
>Girls Oin trouble¹ Tell of Secrecy and Shame² by Jackie Tremblay
http://www.charleston.net/stories/?n...&section=books

July 15
The Globe and Mail
Ontario, Canada
³Children Lost and Found² by Marilyn Churley
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servl...RL15/TPStory/E
ntertainment

July 8
Miami Herald * This is another reprint of the Jackie Burrell¹s Contra Costa
Times piece, which has appeared in several newspapers under various titles.
³A Time of Shame for Unwed Mothers² by Jackie Burrell
http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald...821.htm?source
=rss&channel=miamiherald_women

RADIO *broadcast yesterday

July 18
³Women Aloud² GreenStone Media
Live 4:20 -- Eastern Time
(sorry * they don¹t archive)

[shadowdove]

""Is there a way to access the oral history project online?""

No there isn't. The 'Oral History Project' will only be archived at Harvard Univ. (Women's Studies) in the Schlessinger Library and available to those people/students to listen to in the course of their studies. The audio tapes can never be checked out.

Shadowdove