[dschei15]

I just need some reassurance. I had a baby girl on Dec. 21, 2002 and placed her for adoption. I had been in denial for so much of the pregnancy that I never allowed myself to start dealing with what adoption was going to be like. I have not met the aparents yet, but I am going to soon. I am getting really scared that I won't be able to cope. Reading some of these posts makes me want to revoke my consent and go and get my baby. I know, that giving my daughter to a family that can provide for her the way I believe a child should be provided for, is the right thing. Still my emotions are getting the best of me.
I also need to hear from someone that may have a similar experience to mine. I am 27 years old and I do have my bachelor's degree. I know financially I could raise this child, but I believe she needs two parents who will be able to devote so much more time and energy to her. One of the reason's I picked the acouple was because the amom was going to be a stay at home mom. With me my baby would have to be in daycare everyday and I just feel that would be too selfish on my part. Please help before I do something selfish and revoke my consent or something like that.



Dawne
bmom to Aurora
3 weeks, 2days and counting

[love4u]

3 weeks! wow! your doing great. I was suicidal after about 2 weeks. its now been 30 years and i'm still here. (without my son)
the open adoption is probably the right thing to do. it is really somthing only you can decied. you have to take in the whole picture, and circumstances into consideration. (how/why the baby was conceived, are you really ready to support a child and give it all it needs....time...attention....clothing....food...) you seem to have a good head on your sholders, and a fantastic mind. you will make the right decission, no matter what you decide.
hang in there and talk to as many people as you can to help sort thru the emotions.
leann

[bromanchik]

Hi there.
This is indeed a difficult time. Whether on not you can revoke your consent depends on the state you are in.

Please call me. I will be here much of the day.

Brenda Romanchik, Director
Insight: Open Adoption Resources and Support
721 Hawthorne
Royal Oak, MI 48067
248-543-0997
toll-free expectant parent/birthparent line 877-879-0669
http://www.openadoptioninsight.org

Use the toll free number

[JanetM]

Well I'm not in your exact same situation but my reasons for placing my son were related to emotional concerns about my ability to parent rather than financial reasons as well.

That said... in reading up it looks like California's revocation laws are the same as in Maryland (where I am)-30 days. For me I know the first 30 days was REALLY rough because I was feeling all this pain, I knew my decision was right, but I was dealing with all the pain. Things got a lot easier after that time was up since it was only then that I really felt like I was able to deal with the whole healing process. I too dealt with a lot of denial during my pregnancy and had not thought about what it would actually be like to go through life being a "birthmother". My son is almost four months old now and I have to say that I am at peace with my decision now and I may be one of the lucky ones but my relationship with the Aparents is wonderful.

I would say this to you-time IS ticking for you so you need to make some decisions fast. I do not know in particular what you are most concerned about but I'd get a list together and talk to the adoptive parents, the agency, or whoever makes sense in your case and talk about your concerns and see if they can be adequately addressed. Best of luck and do contact Brenda!




Janet

[dschei15]

Thank you for all your replies. I just am having so many conflicting feelings right now that I need a place to vent and receive some feedback. I know my rights and yes it is 30 days as of yesterday. I signed the papers and I was just having a really bad day. Well I hope to get more feedback. I know it is a long process of healing , but I don't trust myself to get through it and become functional again.


Thanks
Dawne

[love4u]

dawne
we all went trhu that emotional roller coaster. what you are feeling is normal. as long as you know in your mind that you did the right thing, everything will work out. recovery is a long hard process, and every one heals / deals with it all in their own way. i have found being able to talk to others helps the most. although i gave my son up nearly 30 years ago i still remember the decission as being one of the most painfull ones of my life. time helps, but there is always an empty place in my heart where my son lives.
recovery for me was a really long hard process. luckly times have changed over the last 30 years. i never met my sons adoptive parents. i know nothing about them or him. i pray everyday that he is healthy and alive. please keep in touch with the forum. it give you a place to vent and heal. we all know the pain you are going thru.
leann
friedvibes@earthlink.net

[vanilla]

Please do what you think is best for you and your child.I gave my daughter up when she was 2 and today is her 14 birthday.One day your daughter wil come looking for you if that is what you wish and you can explain everything to her then.But it is your decision alone and noone will tihnk any less of you for doing it.

[stormy1]

My Dearest Dawne ,
I feel so deeply for you. I am the birth mother of beautiful girl now almost nine years old. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her. The first few months are going to be very tough for you. Yet look to the future with your eyes wide open and listen for the knock on the door. It will be your child with open arms and lots of questions for you. Be your best and strive for completion in your life. It will happen for you if you really want it. When that knock comes you will then know that adoption was the right thing to do. I am still waiting for the knock.


Best of Luck and Strive
storym1

[StevenBlanton]

Can I share my story w/ you? Please read in its entirety!
I had an unplanned pregnancy in 9/96 that just left me not knowing what to do! After only knowing the bio father for a short perioid of time, he left like a hot potatoe the 1st time we disagreed on something. On 12/23/96, I laid under my Christmas tree w/ just the lights on crying my heart out. I did not know what to do. I knew I loved my baby, but I also just knew I could not handle a newborn at this time. I began to pour my heart out asking God for his approval in putting him up for adoption. I got that "comfort" really quick and I just knew it was the thing to do.
I immediately requested the info. I also called my parents & told them of my decision. They called me right back and said they wanted to raise the baby. I would just be a sister instead of the
mommy. I as fine and that made me happy! I made no preperation what so ever for this baby. But thankfully, I had a married couple who were like my brother and sister (the only other 2 that new of my decision) that were expecting thier newest addition in 2/97. When their baby came, I put alot of distance between us, I knew if I got close to thier little one, I would want my to keep my own. We were in church one morning, its now sometime in 4/97 and the mother just came and litterally
just plopped her baby in my arms and left us, not giving me the time to refuse or anything. I looked down in her eyes and I knew right then, I could not give my baby up! I looked up to the choir area to see the husband just watching me giving me that look of "GOTCHA". That was the kindest thing anyone ever did for me.
SO now I had to call my mom and tell them I wanted to keep the baby. To my surprise, they were actuallly getting worried that they would really have to take the baby for real. So that worked out good! My mother, being as wise as she always is, knew that I
would have greatly regretted my decision and she knew I (personally just needed time mentally) to prepare and accept what was coming! So there I was, 8 mths along,no crib, no diapers no nothing! My church and work each gave me a shower and I had an over abundance of EVERYTHING. I never bought clothers until the baby was in about 18 mths unless I just wanted
something in paticular. I had diapers & wipes stuffed under beds and in the closet. What I am getting to is..... I jumped and made a decision that I just knew was the rigt one for me! When I finally realized it was NOT God that gave me that peace of mind I prayed for under my tre that night, he met my every need! MY son was born 5/29/97! I did not know how I was gonna do it, but I just trusted in God and things have been GREAT! God even provided my son with a father (we met whn he was just 10 wks) and have since married and had 2 more children! He has adopted my son and things are great! Today, Alex is a happy & healthy 5 year old. He thrives in K and just excels in all he does accedemically! I look into his eyes sometime and I just break down in tears at the mere thought of what I almost gave up! I don't believe in pushing religion on anyone, but your post truly touhed my heart! I can feel your love for your baby! Only you can make this choice. Are you sure it's right for you? You only have a short tim left before your time is up.... 30 days goes by really quick! I have been single parent myself ( I have a 13 yr old) so I know what your fears are, but I just wanted to tell you that God would not have given you that precious child if he did not want YOU to raise her! It's not my place to tel you what to do I know, but my adoptee husband Steve always tells me to make a list of
the Pros & Cons. Maybe you can do that yourself, is the bio dad not being n the picture really enough reason to give up your daughter? I apologize for being so lengthy, if you would like to talk more, my address is CHBlanton32@aol.com. This post has not been intended to hurt anyone else who may read this!

[waitingheart]

I am sorry you feel so wigged out I imagine it is difficult for you to have given up yor child...but from the point of view of an adoptive parent, I can only tell you that their decision to adopt must have been as thoughful as yours was to give your daughter up. We adopted a baby girl, and just days after her second birthday we found ourselves tearfully handing her back to her biological mother...it was THE most devestating event in our lives...somtimes it is so hard to just do what is best...you love your baby...you carried her and you gave birth to her...they love her also...you might take pride in your choice to give her the life you have choosen to give her...I wish you so much luck with the open arrangment...I hope it will fill your senses of motherhood

[orangekitty]

Dear Dawne,

I was in a similar situation to your pregnancy. I found out I was pg 2 weeks before my 30th bday. The father wanted me to get an abortion; when I said no, he insisted on adoption. I decided that I wanted my baby to have a 2-parent family. My own parents were ashamed of my pregnancy & lectured me on the "stigma of illegitimacy" that I would give my child (they are EXTREMELY old-school). That was a factor in my decision-I decided my baby deserved a family who would love him for who he was, not whether his mom was wearing a ring on her finger.

I didn't have a problem w/ putting my baby in daycare; I know lots of working moms who have well-bonded, well-adjusted kids. I was afraid of the emotional toll it would take on me, and that I might make my child suffer from all the stress I was under.

Every bmom's decision process is different. If you feel you made a good decision, then you did. No one has a right to tell you whether your decision was "right" or "wrong." The grief of losing a child to adoption is intense. I get thru it by facing it and giving myself permission to have whatever feelings are there.

take care of yourself. love, Cec

[Jennlynn752002]

Hi my name is Jennifer Misener and I am 27 years old. I know exactly how you feel. I felt the same way when my daughter was born. She is now 6 years old and things couldn't be better I get to talk to her and see her as much as I can. If you need to talk please let me know. I am in the same position as you are wondering if I did the right thing or notnow when I see her I now I did. take care Jenn