[sweettea8778]

hello all i am new here and i hae some things need to talk about i have a 6 yr old son who lives with me and a 4 yr old son who i placed for adoption the adoption state when he as born i went throught the cradle in illnois thats where i lived at the time, but due to his father wanting to be a jerk after i have met the adoptive parents and they went to see our baby we had ne more day left fo him to do his rights paper and he acknowledged he was the fatehr so my social worker told me i would have to take him home because his biological father could put a hold on the cradle andnot letme see which i was seeing him everywnsday due to i didn;t have a car and they were taking me to the meeting and taking me to see him. hres what happened with my frst i got pregnant with an older guy at 15 he was 20 my parentsbelieve firmly in abortiona nd i don;t so i kept it secret i ended up having to go to the hospital at 7 monts along my mom found out an di had toxemia and almost died. i kept chris because i was being selish ad figured i could do it i stilllive with m paents which was not a good place to live lots of fighting and lots of veral and physical abuse to me. always has been that way. well when i was 17 i got pregnant with a guy who told me he was 18 i believed it i had no reason not too it wasn;t until i was 3 months pregnant tht he started hitting me and i found outhe was really 16. mind blowing ya know. well i didn;t tell my parents about this one ether i had my mind made up that i was going ot place him for adoption because i was 17 going on 18 graduateing from highschool, and my home life was no life to bring another baby into, well it was 243 in the morning whne i went into labor i walked to the grocery store becuase we didn;t have a phone and called an ambulance, at 303 i had my little baby boy 6lb 4 oz. well aftr i had to take him my da was very supportive condsidering when i was in the hosptial both my parents came up yelling at me telling me i was not going to bring this baby home yelling at me saying that theyw ere gonna kick me out if i do and take custody of chris i kept telling them i have it planned i know what i am gonna do. the hospital finally kicked them out. well after all that when our son had to come home my dad was very supportive of me my mom hated me she didn;t talk to me for ever, well i kepot in contact with my case worker i still wante dto place corey for adoption and i wanted hi to have the best life i couldn;t give him well finally a month and a hal;f later my case worker called me and said if u want we can take the biological fatherto court and see hat he intends on doing if he has done anything well he didn;t do anything he sxaid i wanted to do this to h her for leaving me. can u believe that!!! well then the proceedings started i had the entrustment ceremony it went greaat i didn;t cry until it was all over then ic ouldn;t stop crying, i knew he was going to a great home but i still hurt. well i went home my dad took me out to dinner my mom was still furious with me i think the only people proud of me was my dad and uncle. well it was over corey was finally in a home where he wouldn;t have to worry about a bad enviroment and diapers and formula and clothes and what not. my son is now four i livein indiana now engaged to a wonderful who i have been with fro 2 years he knows abotu eveyrthing in my past his sister has eve had an open adoption but her daughter is older i am not sure how mch i think 10-11, iam also 15 weeks pregnant again i don;t know if all these feeligns are coming back stronger then ever becuase iampregnant or because it still hurts so bad and i am just now allowing my self to feel them. but now i have question does it ever stop hurting that ur baby si calling someone else mommy??? i feel it every day i love him to death i lvoe his parents coreya nd chris even know theyare brothers i get pictures but now that i live so far away i don;t see him asmuch. but i d talk to them when eve ri can but it still hurts that i don;t get to see him as much we used to see eachother at least 6 times a year the adoptive parents told me last time i called them that they were scared that i ma never gonna talk to them again. i seen him last timeon fathers day. the were coming back from a faimly vacation and stopped here on there way back to see our new house and to let me see corey. tey love jim they tell him everytime they se him thank you so much for making our tabatha hppy she so much deserves it but i don;t feel i should deserve it i mean here iam pregnant again bu in better ways meaning witht e envroment a daddy that is always gonna be there and for oncein my life iam truely loved. but why don;lt i feel like i willever stop hurting. i knw i did the best for him, and i know that he is better where he is and i don;t regret it never will. and another question why does my mom still find it a thret that peple know about her grandson out there living the goodlife? why does she think i did the worst thing imaginable sheisn;t the only one who thinks that my fiancee's faimly does too all except his dad his dad gives me lots of props. well iam sorry fo writing solong i thought i wold intrduce myself and ask a few questions with people in situation. than alot all. hope to get to know yall.

[My MNNM's]

I am new to all of this. My twin boys are barely a month old. I die a little more each day. I also have 2 older children and I just knew I could not care for two newborns they way they needed being a single parent.
I have asked the same question....Does it ever get better?...I keep getting the same answer. It never gets better, just easier to deal with. You learn how to deal with it.
I hate that answer, but at least they are being honest. Congrats on your new baby! I wish you all the luck in the world. You deserve it!
Take care and write anytime!!

Gina