[sharifap]

my son was born on october 14th I gaved him up on the 16th. there were a whole bunch of papers to sign. I honestly did not read them because the first one was so heart breaking to read. the caseworker said if it were up to her she would word them differently. Anyway, yesterday I went over them and noticed none of them said anything about the open adoption. when I called this agency i ask for only open adoption waiting families. they tried to get me to change my mind. they told me it would be difficult to place an african american child with open adoption especially as open as the way i wanted(@ least 6-8 visits a year, pictures etc.) i said if they can't find anyone that its o.k. i will forget about the adoption and keep my baby(he was not born yet)then a week later they gaved me a number of an interested lady. i called, we totally clicked about how open it would be (she wanted more, more than 6-8 visits) we talked on the phone every other day, e-mailed each other everyday. she came to see us twice at our home, we basically formed a relationship. I do trust her. its just the papers that scares me. as soon as i figured out that none of the papers included anything about open adoption i called her. she immediately assured me that we have an understanding of what our future is like but i get scared when i think about the legality of the adoption. i don't know what to do.

[schatz]

I don't know what state you are from, but open adoption contracts are rarely enforcable legally anyway. Adoptions are usually treated as closed legally and any openness is just kind of a good faith arrangement between the aparents and bparents.

Take comfort in the fact that your child's mom has reassured you that her intentions are to keep it open. You've already established a relationship with her and exchanged lots of information. It sounds like you have a good thing between the two of you.

Just concentrate on keeping the communication with her open. The most important thing is not the papers you signed but the relationship and understanding between the two of you.

Good luck and keep us updated.

[bmLisa]

I have also heard that openness is not enforcable by law. All of us take a big risk when we agree to release our child for adoption, and I know that we all have heard stories of adoptive parents who go back on their promises to birthmom. If we let fear rule our lives, where would we be? Instead we put ourselves out there and risk the pain so that the children we love can live safer and more secure lives than we could give to them. Keep talking with your child's parents and work on your relationship because that is what is important, not the words on a sheet of paper. Please be careful that you don't take your anger at the agency out on your child's parents. Also don't let your mistrust and fear cloud your relationship, for your baby's sake. Have faith that the people you chose to raise your baby will be honest and keep their word.

Good luck
lisa

[Addie02]

I gave my Daughter up to years ago and have the same fellings. It seems to me that there should be a way to make open adoptions legally binding. I am luck in that the aparents have kept with our semi-open agreement (although I would like a little more now). If any one has any ideas on how to accompish this I would be willing to help.