[m-mom]

I recently visited my 10 yr old b-son. He is their only child, and mine but I am 6 months pregnant. I asked him how he felt about getting a little sister and he replied, "Am i still an only child?"

and for the first time I saw he is going to struggle with his place in adoption and how to tell people and process it. Just as I have struggled with answering people when they ask if I have kids, " no, yes, well...." He is going to struggle with explaining he has a sibling out there, but is STILL an only child!
It was very enlightening to see first hand how adoption affects everyone involved.

[Lupin]

I don't know how he'll eventually process such a situation, but I can tell you how I state it.
I am "Technically" an only child. I was raised as such, but I also "Technically" have a half-sister & half Brother.

I love them Dearly even though 1 of them I have never met, & the other does not know the truth(they think I am/was merely a friend & schoolmate) about exactly who I am for their own "Good" but at the moment that changes the one will know, & I will be there for them(at least one of the issues involves special needs, that I am fully willing to take on) & if I ever have even a slight chance to meet the other (who I have no firm proof/knowledge if they know about me either) I will move heaven & hell to do so. I really do love them & miss them, I have spent many nights/days crying over not actually having them, or knowing them.

But, mine is not actually an adoption situation, & I still have/had to figure out how this all is, & should be. So your son will not be going through anything different in that aspect.

[portlowski]

This is a question I have thought about. I am an amom in am open adoption, and my husband and I know we won't be adopting again (due to our ages--early 40's now). Our son is only 2 and a half. his bmom is 20 and we believe (and hope) she will go on to have more children and parent them when she gets older. She is going to be an awesome mom when that day comes. On one hand, that is very exciting because it will be a chance for him to be a big brother. But of course he will still be an only child in terms of how he is being raised. His bmom is currently in a new relationship with a guy and they are head over heels for one another and talking about getting married in a few years. I just wonder how the whole dynamic will change, how DS will feel about her parenting a sibling and how she will feel when she is parenting a child knowing all she missed with DS (not that she doesn't know now...but it will add another layer when she is going through all the firsts with another child).

I wish you the very best. It sounds like you are a really thoughtful person and I am glad your bson has you to help him navigate through these emotions. And congrats on your new baby!

[quantum]

Port,

I was 18 when I relinquished and 36 when I had my first child that I'm parenting. We have over 4000 miles between us, so it's not so weird I guess. I found my son when my girls were 4 and 2. They know they have a brother and they think it's fun to see him and draw him pictures and so on. I'm hoping they get closer as they get older, but we'll see.

It's been weird parenting kids myself on some levels. I guess it didn't really hit me until I found my son, realising that I would never have the relationship with him that I have with my girls is a tough pill to swallow. That's how it is for me, not so much about the firsts, but about the long term relationship.

[m-mom]

Port,
I think the I'm hoping the opposite realization to happen in my situation. I've always had some resentment and anger that I was never given a real option to raise my b-son. I hope in raising my own child I can see how hard it is have a newborn, and how difficult it would have been for me to raise my b-son at the age of 17, still in highschool and single. Cause i've always wondered if i could of done it.
As far as the firsts go i think i will cherish them that much more cause I know how special it is that I finially get to be a mother! I've waited 10 long years.

[wishinonehand]

since i'm new here i thought i would give my first opinion.
my bdaughter was 10 when i had my daughter. i told her mom first then she told her and she said she was very excited. my bdaughter emailed me back and quote "was happy to be having a sister." i now have a one year old too and on her facebook she says she has a brother and sister. she doesn't consider herself an only child even though she is her parents only child. i just go with the flow with her.

[m-mom]

i had another visit with my b-son since the original post and his a-mom asked him , "how do you feel about a little girl joining the family?"
Maybe i'm just over analyzing but she clearly did not acknowledge it is his sister. So that could lead to some of his confusion. If his parents aren't talking openly with him then it makes all the sense in the world that he is confused.

I know when i raise my daughter she will know she has a brother, and he will be called that. I'm not going to call him a little boy in the family, that's for sure!