[MandyLynn]

My husband and I have our first visit with our son in one month. He will be 5 months old when we see him. I was just hoping to hear about other birth parents first visits. Thank you in advance to anyone who shares their story.

[Free_to_be_me]

Hmm. My first visit with P was when she was three or four weeks old. She and her family came to my house and spent two nights, I think. We tried to keep things pretty mellow. Mostly just hung out around the house. We went to the grocery store and the beach and I had a couple friends come over to see the baby, too.

I actually remember the second visit better. It was another weekend visit, but I was at their house alone. It was a really great time for me to get to know P's parents better. Again, we just hung out. They gave me lots of alone time with the baby (who was three months old) and let me hold her and get to know her.

After that visit, I stopped at a park and just cried. It was so hard to say goodbye and I didn't want the adoptive parents to see how sad I was. It was so wonderful to see her and to take a bunch of pictures with my own camera and to get a bunch of copies of pictures from them, but so hard to say goodbye. I can't even tell you how much I have loved every visit with her...

[thanksgivingmom]

My first visit with Cupcake was when she was about ten months old. It was great - and so surreal. I could hardly wrap my brain around the fact that this was the tiny little peanut I brought into the world...

We just went to a park and sat down with her as this perfect little centerpeice. We talked and got to know each other a bit and just spent time with each other.

Like Free, I remember the actual details of the other visits better...we have them about every six months right now.

[lahdh4]

Supergirl was almost a year, infact it was 1 week before her birthday. It was a neutral place with a 3rd party present to help with conversation.
I honestly don't remember much about it. Even looking at the pictures, I had to have my therapist tell me about it since she was the 3rd party.
I have to have down time after each and every visit.

[MandyLynn]

Free_to_be_me your visits sound like a dream! I'm not sure where or how long our first visit will be. I am really scared that I am going to do something to offend D's parents. I know I am going to want to spend every single second holding him. I don't know how I'm going to wait a month without going crazy

[SchmennaLeigh]

The Munchkin had just turned four months old. It was my birthday weekend.

It was NOT our hardest visit but it was pretty hard.

[Free_to_be_me]

I have been incredibly lucky to have a very drama-free, misunderstanding-free, open, honest and safe feeling open adoption. We haven't had any of the big issues that some open adoptions have.

Every once in a while, P's adoptive dad is surprised that it was so emotionally difficult for me, but I worked really hard to have other friends and family members be my support people for those times and not weigh P down with my sadness. (Which also meant not being as transparent about it with her parents.) As P gets older, she is learning more about the more adult aspects of my decision, but for now we are living in her world and with what is comfortable for her.

We have all known each other for almost fourteen years now. We are like family. In the beginning, though, I needed to take seven or eight days off of normal life for every visit...One day to prepare, two or three days for the visit and then a few days to recover enough to go out in public again. I was so nervous and excited before the visits and so sad and happy at the same time afterwards...

[jspears01]

Originally Posted by MandyLynn

My husband and I have our first visit with our son in one month. He will be 5 months old when we see him. I was just hoping to hear about other birth parents first visits. Thank you in advance to anyone who shares their story.

I hope your visit goes wonderfully. I've not been in this situation - yet. We are hoping to adopt thru an open adoption but are still searching for a birthmommy.

It's so great that you're able to visit and want to be part of this child's life. It will make things so much better later on when questions start to arise.

Bless you for the courage you have.
Keep me updated on how things go!

Jill

[scoobydoo08]

I had my first visit @14 months this December. I waited because I know I wasn't ready. It was great. He looked like his pics. We played and was able to reflect on the past year. NO REGRETS!!!!!! We know that we have a great relationship with his parents and look forward to future visits....

[MoonlightLoveAngel]

Our little baby boy Fish was born Dec 2nd. We're still working on the first visit, but I text his AMoms often, so the communication is still flowing good. I'm still nervous about asking (always have been nervous asking anyone to get together for anything). They've been over to our town only and got to see our new place after we moved in, but I haven't seen their place or Fish's nursery, except in pictures. Plus we haven't met their daughter (age 16) yet, just talked to her on the phone while I was in the hospital.