[Gwen72]

Hello, I need your advice. We are matched with an emom due in December. She lives in the next state over from us. We have called her a few times and have plans to go meet her next week. We set up a 1-800 number exclusively for her so she could call us whenever she wanted. She told her SW that she wanted me to call her Everyday to check on her. The SW told her she could call us whenever she wanted but she said she wanted to see me "make the effort" She has never called us. Does this sound strange to you? Have any of you demanded that the PAPS called you every day? What could be her motivation for this? I wouldn't mind calling once or twice a week and I wouldn't mind her calling me. She has another child that she is parenting. I would like to build a relationship with her so that our child will know his birthmom and his birthsibling. I don't think her demanding me to call her every day is conducive to a relationship though. The SW assured me that she knows that I am adopting the baby and not her. She supposedly understands that I will not be calling her everyday once the baby is born. I hope this is true and I will discuss it with her when we meet her next week. I think she is being unreasonable. Am I missing something? If you could help me try to understand where she may be coming from that would be appreciated.

[Daisy1339]

Hi, Gwen,

I responded to your post in another thread about this.

I really think you need to have a heart to heart with the bmom and leave this SW out of it.

Tell her how you're feeling about her demand for a phone call every day and be honest about it, do not mince words.

Find out FOR SURE, that she understands that there will not be calls every day after the baby is placed, not "supposedly" understands.

And I do not like what you said the SW said to you in the other thread. VERY shady and VERY unprofessional, in my opinion.

It doesn't matter if she requires a phone call every day. It doesn't even matter if she wants calls every day after the baby is placed. If that is what she wants, then she deserves to find a couple that is comfortable with that. That is what is normal for her. This is what is reasonable to her. My personal reaction to a bmom requiring this of me would probably be that I would feel manipulated, but another couple might be totally okay with it! It might simply be that this is what she wants and expects from a relationship with the aparents. It is only fair that everyone is up front and crystal clear about what the expectations and boundaries will be. Both of you (you & bmom) are equally invested and both should be respected. If you aren't willing to do what she wants, then you need to let this one go and let her find a couple that will.

I know, at least I will know, that it must be very difficult to wait to be matched. We are still in the home study process. But do yourself a favor and trust your gut feeling after you have spoken to the bmom yourself.

There will be other matches if your gut says this one isn't right for you or the bmom.

Good luck with everything!!!!

[cetalley]

I know it is hard, but she could just be trying to get to know as much about you as possible. I think if this is not something you are comfrotable with, you should most definately be honest. If this is uncomfortable for you...listen to your heart, she may not be the one. There will be that one that comes along and you will just know. I know as a firstmom I would have wanted my twins parents to have been 100% honest. I wish you the best, I am sure this will work itself out and you will be a great Mom to a lucky child....I would be questioning her wanting to relinquish with these types of demands...so just be cautious, you will know after your visit next week...whatever you do , be honest, tell her what your expectations are and ask the same of her...the last thing anyone wants are broken promises down the road. GODS Blessings and my prayers...

[taramayrn]

Personally, no I would not have asked someone to call me everyday. However, I could understand that she maybe is afraid to call you, but wants to get to know you. But, if this makes you uncomfortable you need to let her know that and let her know what you do feel comfortable with.