[SchmennaLeigh]

What would you do and/or how would you feel if your child's adoption was closed?

[Tigger27]

I would be devastated if either of my girl's adoptions were closed.

I don't know what I would do, but I would probably sit and cry and not know what to do with myself and wonder what or if I had done something wrong to cause the adoption to close.

[lahdh4]

Right now I don't know. I would be crushed. I would be devastated.
And I would wonder what did I do?

[taramayrn]

I don't know what I would do - probably admit myself to a psych hospital...honestly.

I would be utterly devastated. But I suppose after sometime, counselling I would have to "move on" with my life or get back into some semblance of a life.

[bromanchik]

Betrayed, angry and devistated sum it up.

[opalwench]

Sadly enough, I'd probably feel just like I do right now.

The sole basis on which we recieve any information is the fact that there is a connection between us outside the realm of adoption. (Aka, S. is my fiance's older half-sister.)

We haven't visited since Christmas time '06. No photos or updates are sent to us, they're sent to other family members and forwarded and filtered through to us.

I mean we know their full names and addresses, but letters we send aren't acknowledged and as far as I know they don't really think about us that often.

In fact I think the reality that to completely cut us out S. would have to cut herself off from her father, brothers and step-moms, I think that fact is all that keeps us dipping our toes in the pool of "Open."

So, I'd feel like I do now. Which is hurt and betrayed and a bit like a member of the walking dead. Lied to and belittled, promised that doing this was better and easier and "we know them..."

Yeah...

[browneyes0707]

Ditto Brenda. I'm fighting like heck to keep anything open at this point and it's sad.

[kakuehl]

Hmm...you all make me feel that open adoption is in some ways worse (harder) than closed. I had no clue what was going on in D's life, but at least I wasn't waiting for his parents to send me anything.

[thanksgivingmom]

I've been thinking about this all day (well from yesterday to today) and I just don't know....I'd feel confused, betrayed, hurt, angry, alone...so many things.

What would I do?? Knowing me I couldn't let it go - I'd fight like hell to know what happened, why it closed, what the reason is. I know I very well may never get an answer but I'm a little stubborn and can't just accept things that don't make sense.

And then? Then I'd live in denial. Put it away and not process it. I'm all kinds of healthy, huh?

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally Posted by taramayrn

I don't know what I would do - probably admit myself to a psych hospital...honestly.

I would be utterly devastated. But I suppose after sometime, counselling I would have to "move on" with my life or get back into some semblance of a life.

This is the answer I resonate most with... though I'm sure that non-birth-parents reading this thread will say, "SEE! BIRTH PARENTS ARE SOOOOOOO CRAZY!" But I really think I would need some intensive therapy in order to deal with such a blow. And I don't think it is crazy to admit such a thing.

[taramayrn]

Certainly NOT a crazy thing to admit.

[belleinblue1978]

I know I'd be making a trip to the psych ward. There is NO way I could get through something like that alone. I'd blame myself and wonder what I did and wonder what the heck was going to happen to my precious kiddo and what I had done to him by placing him with people that couldn't keep such an important promise.

[BrandyHagz]

I haven’t talked much about my situation since…well…since.

Anyway, I would say that our adoption is pretty much closed at this point. Not totally closed, I know where they are, I can contact them if I want to (go to jail…) and I can email/chat any time they are online (they are on my friends list).

But…times, they are a difficult.

Above, I mentioned jail.

Some how. Some where. A restraining order (unsubstantiated, too) was given.

I believe a rural judge with a negative opinion of birth mothers saw no problem with ‘restraining’ me from contact, regardless of the reason.

There was and still is no reason.

I was simply the haven for my daughter and her mother when they left a very scary situation. Since I was the haven, I was the cause. Since I am the cause, I am dangerous. Since I am dangerous, I need restraining.

See where I’m going here?

Anyway – I’d say we’re pretty much closed up tighter than a Ski Chalet in July.

I have humor now, because it’s all I have.

What have I done since all this went down?

Financed my shrinks new car
Withdrawn from most things adoption related (on many levels)

More than being angry/bitter with adoption (which I totally AM NOT) I am angry/bitter with the process that could have made all of this avoidable.

I am angry/bitter at a man who is using his child (and dang it, my child too, even though I don’t raise her!) as a pawn in a bitter fight over (Insert this weeks MOST IMPORTANT THING TO ME topic).

I am angry/bitter at the fact that people don’t feel I have a right to be angry/bitter.

This isn’t some transient relationship for us. She lived with me for months…she calls me mom…we have (or rather, had) a relationship.

So…I’d say, I mostly just don’t care as much as I used to…because no one else cares, so why should I?

I’ll be here when it’s her choice and she’s ready – it’s all I can do. Some mentally deranged man convinced some Bubba in a Rural court room that I am a threat to her…and as much as people want to say that judges DO NOT do this….I am living proof that they do. Anyone can be bought, if the price is right.

I hope he gets what he wants. He is attempting to make her life so hellish, she’ll come live with him…I’m not the only constant in her life that’s been cut off.

Oh, what a wicked web we weave…

Yelch, sorry Jenna.

[Oceans]

((((( Hugs )))))) <even tho they are absolutely worthless in this situation>

Oh boy - no words...

[Tigger27]

Oh, Brandy, I'm so so sorry. No words, just many ((HUGS)).

I'm so very sorry you're having to go through this .