[taramayrn]

Does the statement "if only my parents had been stricter then I wouldn't have gotten pregnant" ring true for you?

[thanksgivingmom]

Oh LORD no!

My parents weren't like crazy strict...well, okay, some people would say they were. I always had curfews and always had to answer tons of questions: who I was with, where I was going, what time I would be home. There were always contact numbers to be given and locations to be detailed. If there was a change of plans, it was inexcusable to not call with an update.

And I'm not talking when I was 15. I'm talking through to when I was 25. Seriously. By that point, it would never even occur to me to not call my Mom when I was on my way home or to let her know how late I'd be. By then, she didn't set a curfew because I respected that I lived in her house and that I shouldn't stay out crazy late. Once in a while, for a special occassion, I would explain to her that I wanted to stay out extra late and she would be okay with it. But I'd say overall I started on a pretty short leash that only got longer as I gained her trust and respect.

(Dad was around too, but was never really the disciplinarian FWIW)

I really don't think there's anything my parents could have done that would have prevented my pregnancy.

[kakuehl]

Nope... My parents were strict. Of course I didn't become sexually active until I was more than half way through college and not living at home.

[taramayrn]

I agree with you TGMom, my parents were strict I guess, but there was a sense of mutual respect rather than strictness. And, I was 19 when I got pregnant. So really, no I don't think it would have mattered.

[Oceans]

Good grief no...Mine were strict but even if they weren't "no sex before you're married or 21" would have still been a rule.

And I still would have broken it....

[Leigh131313]

Ya know....it just doesn't make sense. Statistics (and no, I can't quote anything specific) I think show that there is a whole lotta people having sex out there who are not ready to be parents (we hear more about teenage sex, but really it's beyond that, right?). I bet a big chunk of those people have had those months where they are praying on their hands and knees before the porcelain gods while holding a stick waiting to see how many pink lines show up. I'm sure some of them have very strict parents while some of them have more laid back parents.....

So I don't think the pregnancy itself can be blamed on parenting...society? peer pressure? Lack of sex-ed? I dunno, maybe....

Perhaps parenting might come into play more in the what is done after the two pink lines show up...I wouldn't know, I've never been in taht position...but I would think that choosing to 1)abort 2)parent or 3) place for adoption MAY have something to do with parents....even then, I don't know how much .....

I just don't think strict parents have children who never have sex...ya know?

[BrandyHagz]

Nope.

I was grown up and moved out when I got pregnant.

*sigh* - I guess since that one doesn't apply, I'll have to go with the "I should have known better" one...

[browneyes0707]

I was thinking of this lately, (a longish story why that I'm not going to post) but I can say for both me AND my ex, no.

To give an example, we didn't hang out with bad kids, but for the most part their parents were pretty lenient when it came to the senior year of high school partying phase. If you looked at a video from our pre prom party, every single person had a drink in their hands except me and my ex, because our moms were there and they would not allow it. And we knew it. When we got to our destination afterwards, I had to call my mom from a pay phone (no cells in the dinosaur years, LOL) who in turn called his mom so that they knew we were OK. We had curfews and rules and we were not allowed to have "people over" or drink. We both valued our parents and their perceptions of us, which is why it was so hard for us to tell them we were in trouble.

The ironic thing? BOTH our parents were more lenient with us when they knew we were hanging out together. I had my curfew extended when we started dating, and it was fine if I was home, in his car outside the house. (and no, at that time we weren't doing anything!) When my ex and his friends got in trouble doing typical teenaged boy things and he got grounded, he was allowed out of his house if he was with me to go to the movies and stuff. I guess they figured chances were we would stay out of trouble together.......

Truth is we did stay out of trouble for the most part. When I got pregnant, it was during a period where we were having a lot of problems, breaking up, and moving on with our lives, figuring a lot of stuff out and rebelling a bit in general. We weren't even sexually active with eachother that long (a few times in a few weeks) before we broke up for good.

I don't think our parents could have done a thing differently. And to be honest, it touches a nerve when people question my upbringing or my morals because I got pregnant at 17. My parents raised me well, and so did my ex's. It just takes once, you know?

Not that I'm insulted by your question T I actually think it's a good one!

[kakuehl]

Ah, the I should have known better...

Problem was, I did. I believed in waiting until I was married... I knew all about birth control... I kept telling myself I "wasn't going to do it again." Of course I kept putting myself in a situation where "it" would happen again... and so the inevitable happened. (I've never had trouble getting pregnant!)

[zxczxcasdasd]

I've actually thought a lot about this one with regards to DH. If there is a correlation, I think it has more to do with internal boundaries (personal) than external ones (rules).

I was allowed to have boyfriends and to date pretty freely since I was 14 or 15, but I didn't lose my virginity until I was almost 22 a couple weeks before graduation (ack!! confession!!). DH, on the other hand was "not allowed" to date until he was 18 and still he became active at 15 and M was not even his first and he ended up married the day after his 18th bday (when he would technically have been allowed to date ). ...Ugh, I'm trying to word this in a way that doesn't sound like I think I was any better than him or anyone...not at all. Just that it was a combination of factors that had little to do with the rules around our dating.

And yeah, I had a couple praying-over-the-little-stick-moments, one of them much scarier than the other.

Everytime my MIL freaks out that we allowed J to date (somewhere in between both our upbringings), reminding me that her boys were not allowed to date until they were 18, I'm tempted to say "And how did that work out for ya?"

[zxczxcasdasd]

I believed in waiting until I was married... I knew all about birth control... I kept telling myself I "wasn't going to do it again." Of course I kept putting myself in a situation where "it" would happen again...

Been there...done that

[browneyes0707]

Originally Posted by zxczxcasdasd

Been there...done that

Me too.

That's pretty much why I'm here