Open Adoption Agreements: What Would You Put in Yours?

***taramayrn*** · #1 11-21-2007, 10:27 AM

I don't have an open adoption agreement. I don't know if any of you guys do or not. If you don't what would you want your open adoption agreement to look like? What would you want the adoptive parents to do and what would you be willing to agree to?

SchmennaLeigh · #2 11-21-2007, 10:38 AM

They're not legally binding in PA so it would be pointless for us to have one.

***taramayrn*** · #3 11-21-2007, 10:43 AM

IF your state had legally binding open adoption agreements what would you put in yours?

**thanksgivingmom** · #4 11-21-2007, 10:58 AM

I'm working on developing what I even want out of my open adoption right now...and for me one of the biggest problems I see in others agreements is that the openess or contact seems to decline as the children age. Why? I do not understand this at all!!

I want my open adoption agreement to include visits (we had one that was successful on all ends I think, so let's have some more!). I want one of the visits to be around the holidays/her birthday. I want pictures and emails. Ideally? Like monthly. I know that's asking for a lot to some people, but five minutes out of a month? I think that's doable. I would negotiate visits with A's Mom...we live close so it's not like it would be a big ordeal....at least twice a year. And not just while she's a toddler (not even a baby anymore!) but even when she starts school, middle school, high school, the whole shabang.

If at some point A didn't want to see me any more we could cross that bridge when we got to it, but consistent contact.

And really, I would want more visits and more participation in her life. Attending a recital or a birthday party, but I'm not going to push it.

***taramayrn*** · #5 11-21-2007, 10:59 AM

Hey T - if you were to have an open adoption agreement would you put any stipulations on yourself in there? What would you agree to do?

***taramayrn*** · #6 11-21-2007, 11:00 AM

Personally I don't think any of those requests are unreasonable. I hope A's mom will be receptive to your ideas - I'm sure she will.

sonia1959 · #7 11-21-2007, 11:32 AM

We are almost at the end of the road, and we are going to have an open adoption, this case is not with birthmom but with sibling, we would like for sibling and BG to visit once a month, sibling birthdays, easter, and major school events, and maybe bautismal, first communion and for the birthmom to send pic or gifts to a p o box, and we will send pict and videos birthmom is not in the country, they want our baby to spend nights, and we won't allow it, that would be a no no.

belleinblue1978 · #8 11-21-2007, 01:06 PM

My agreement includes four visits a year, no specified times and phone calls once a month, taking turns on the calls. We haven't been so good about that, my fault mostly. It is hard b/c my kiddo's paternal first parents are overstepping boundaries and that affects what goes on with me, blah.

***taramayrn*** · #9 11-21-2007, 01:10 PM

Thank you to the adoptive moms who wrote about their wishes for open adoption agreements. I would encourage more adoptive parents to take part in this discussion.

My hope, though, was for first/birthparents to talk about what they'd like in an open adoption agreement if their state were to allow it. I'd also like to see what, if any, stipulations the birthparents would place on themselves in these agreements.

lahdh4 · #10 11-21-2007, 06:01 PM

While it isn't legally enforcable our agreement states:
2 visits per year
Pictures every other month
Gifts, age app.
Pictures of me and my ex once a year, he hasn't done this I haven't sent one this year
Phone calls

I think there were some other things but those are the "Biggies" that I remember.

**thanksgivingmom** · #11 11-23-2007, 07:12 PM

Hmmm...what stipulations would I put on myself?...

I would send updates or communication with D as often as she wanted really, I don't find that popping off a quick email takes that much time/energy to be honest...currently I keep her updated with any Medical developments she should know about or if there is a change in any of my contact info (ex. I'm moving so I'm sending her my new addy)

D should be able to expect me to not cancel a visit without a courtesy call/explanation. D should be able to expect me to follow through on promises like birthday and christmas cards/presents/contact (if she was comfortable with me making it at that time).

She should be able to expect me to not break a promise that I make to her or A, and I should expect the same from her in return.

Hmm...this has me thinking though...

**kelceesmom** · #12 11-23-2007, 07:23 PM

Ok Tara since you said it was alright for amoms to chime in: What would I want?

I would really want at least one visit per year since our bparents live in another state.

I would want updates from out bparents as well as us giving them updates.

Pictures both ways because Kelcee has 2 full siblings and 2 half siblings.

I would want the bparents family to know that Kelcee is alive since they kept it from everyone. Not sure, but I suspect they know since they only live 2 miles away. (Whole other story)

Phone calls when anyone wants. Just plain old honesty from everyone.

Welcome to the Forums.	Register
If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ. You may have to register before you can post or search: click here to proceed. To start viewing messages, select a forum below that you would like to view or click View All of Todays Posts.