[taramayrn]

For me, we haven't needed one, we've worked together at working through our issues and concerns while setting boundaries that needed to be set. So, for that I'm thankful and don't believe that one would have made a difference.

[Free_to_be_me]

We worked on an open adoption agreement when I was pregnant. It wasn't legally binding, but we stuck to it during the first few months and then things just evolved. It was really detailed in the beginning-talking about delivery, pre-natal appts, hospital time, etc. We decided that we would do updates four times a year and scheduled the first two visits.

I don't know if there is anything that I would have done differently. Our relationship has been so smooth through the entire process that we haven't needed to go back to the agreement...

[belleinblue1978]

I guess for some of us, an agreement helps chart uncharted territory. It has nothing to do with me distrusting kiddos parents. It is just a guide to help with a relationship that we dont' have a model for. It is different than marrriage in that most of us grow up with a model of marriage in our minds, good or bad. My mom and dad, although adoptive parents, are not in an open adoption, and they are not first parents, so I have nothing to model my behaviour on, the agreement helps with that. Ours isn't legally binding, and really, we don't keep to it, but it helped when things were tough when I left my son's first dad and I just needed help holding together relationships in general.

[CKWAG01]

Here is my dilema/question... we currently have a birthmother living with us. She has no family and only one friend in our state. The birthmom is due in May and we have decided in order to lessen the confusion, and keep from having any misunderstandings that we would all come up with an agreement as to how things would go (from here through birth, and into the childs life). Obviously we are doing an open adoption. What I am really struggling with at this point are a couple of key items: the birthmom nursing after the baby is born, and the birthmom coming home with us for recovery. I obviously want to do what is in the best interest of the child, however I don't want to make this harder on any of us than it will already be. The only thing I have found thus far in regards to nursing is that they advise against it. I would like to hear from the birthmom's and the adoptive parents their take on these two SUPER important issues. Were you happy with the choices made, do you wish they would have been done differently, any information you can offer me at all would be greatly appreciated.

[loveajax]

Our OA agreement is pretty barebones....Visit one time per year around DD's birthday, updates and pictures quarterly.

To me, it's sort of a "floor" ....I speak with DD's birth mom (sometimes frequently, sometimes months go by), we email occasionally, etc. But I guess since I am a flakepot, I need some sort of "guidance." I like structure, I guess!

I would hope that if DD wanted more visits, we would want to do that. And if some years she didn't want visits, they would be amenable to that. It's hard to know (personally) how things will play out when DD can take more of an active role in things.

I find it infathomable that expecting parents are not told about the enforceability/nonenforceability of OA agreements....Really angers me (of course, my agency never told me what the laws were here, had to look it up on my own).

Interesting discussion!

[taramayrn]

The only thing I have found thus far in regards to nursing is that they advise against it. I would like to hear from the birthmom's and the adoptive parents their take on these two SUPER important issues. Were you happy with the choices made, do you wish they would have been done differently, any information you can offer me at all would be greatly appreciated.

I would suggest you help find expectant mom a place to live/go after baby's born. I don't know if I would have wanted to be around at the adoptive parents home those first few weeks while I was trying to grieve and say goodbye, all the while seeing someone else parent my child. I don't know, that's just me.

Now, with the breastfeeding thing. That is one of my biggest regrets - I didn't breastfeed my child. I wish I would have. The colostrum in the first few days is so beneficial, for one thing. I don't believe this should go in your open adoption agreement. This is the expectant mom's choice and up until she signs TPR she is mom and she can do what she pleases.