[SchmennaLeigh]

I'm not always on top of my own game and forgot to mention here, on the BP in OA forum, that I'm doing a chapter review of the book Lifegivers: Framing the Birthparent Experience in Open Adoption by James L. Gritter over on the birth/first parent blog. I'm taking it one chapter at a time and there are fourteen so, if you don't have the book and you want to read along, you still have time to grab it and catch up. (The adoption store has it if you're interested. It can be found elsewhere, too!)

As of right now I have:

The Overview
Chapter One
Chapter Two

Tomorrow morning, Chapter Three will post.

Please feel free to leave comments on the blogs or discuss your own personal feelings about the book here. For me, the first time I read the book (in my first post-placement year), I learned a lot about MYSELF. I'm now reading it for the second time and learning a lot about OTHERS. I really feel that ALL involved in OA should be reading this book.

[lahdh4]

I will have to read along with you. My therapist gave me a copy to read as it was one of the books that she suggested to L at our big meet in June.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Glad to have someone reading along, Leigh.

It's one book that I've kept on my immediate shelf. It's good for quoting, reassuring myself and continuously learning about open adoption in general.

[lahdh4]

I told myself that after I read it I am going to get a copy for myself. I just may break down and order it now and return E's copy to her. That way I can go ahead and highlight, underline and make my little notes in the margain.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Yeah, I need a new highlighter. My marks in Chapter Four are now almost too light to see. Awesome!

[taramayrn]

Awesome Jenna!! This is one book I don't have, but based on your review so far it looks like I need to invest in a copy.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Chapter Three is up!

From chapter three on, things can tend to get a little dicey as to controversial statements and what not. Remember, this book challenges people (including birth parents themselves) to look at birth parents outside of the stereotypical box they've been placed in. Continue to read on with open minds and hearts.

[Vogi2002]

Jenna- Can you post this in the Communication between aparents and bparents forum?

OH MY, I didn't think to look at the book (don't know why...I guess I thought it "didn't apply" to me which makes me blush now because I was so wrong!) But I checked out your review on just chapter 3 and I LOVE it! He truley hit the nail on the head...especially the saints one which many people don't realize....I know I as an APARENT and going to get SO MUCH out of it....

Must buy this book and SOON!!!

[thanksgivingmom]

Sooo going to get this book and read along with Leigh and everyone!

(And by the way, great new pic Natalie! )

[SchmennaLeigh]

Chapter Four is up on the blog.

Some notes about chapter four: it's not particularly an easy read for birth parents who do not fall under the title of "dysfunctional" and feel insulted when placed under that tile OR for adoptive parents who deal with dysfunctional -slash- challenging birth parents. Since it's one chapter dedicated to the two issues I just mentioned, it hits on BOTH sides of the coin: not all birth parents are inherently dysfunctional but some are challenging. It offers tips for dealing with those dysfunctional birth parents AND probes people to ask questions as to whether the level of dysfunction is really as severe as it seems close up.

That said, Gritter is not a compelte moron and DOES state that there ARE some birth parents who do not need to have contact with their children for various reasons: violence, etc.

Remember that while writing a book, it is hard to please everyone or cover every single possibility. This chapter will push the thinking of some too far or cause a total reevaluation of how others are thinking. Don't give up on the book because of this chapter. It's one that NEEDS to be read and discussed further.

In fact, dicuss it here (or in the comments on the post) if you wish!

[lahdh4]

I picked up the copy E gave me and I am on Chapter 2. I ordered it the other night and should have it by Monday so that I can go and mark to my hearts content!!

[thanksgivingmom]

I ordered it too so it should be here in a few days - then I'll catch up with everyone!

Thanks for the heads up on Ch 4 Jenna!

[SchmennaLeigh]

A note: There are fourteen chapters. I am doing one per day on weekdays only (meaning, pfft, I don't work on weekends, folks). So, that's almost three M-F's worth. (I'll probably do a wrap-up on that last Friday.) So, if your book isn't in yet, don't worry. I'm not going to suddenly bust out ten chapters on one day or skip four of them to get ahead of myself.

I'm pacing myself. slooooooooow, as Nick would say while going down the steps.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Chapter Five is up as of this morning. (Six will not be posted until Monday!)

Starting with Chapter Five (Part 2 of the book), Gritter is addressing the major themes in the birth parent experience. Chapter Five talks about the necessity behind placement, which, unfortunately, many people misunderstand. (Which is why he wrote the book and the chapter, in hopes that others might gain understanding.) Behind the actual physical need for placement (for example, a financial issue), there is the complex issue of how the expectant parent perceives the situation and the available alternatives.

It's an interesting chapter, one that helped me better understand why I felt so absolutely isolated during my placement decision. I'm hopeful that others will gain insight into the complicated process of the decision to place by reading this chapter.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Good Monday morning!

Chapter Six is up on the blog.

Today we're talking about the major themes that birth parents experience in adoption and one of them is the necessity to place. It's often misunderstood as with the actual, physical and represented necessity, you also have the perception of that need and the alternatives by the expectant parent (which means it can vary widely from parent to parent).

This chapter was difficult for me to review, not because of heavy content but because it can be confusing to understand and then explain. I had to take a day away from reading it before I wrote it. Once I started to explain it in other terms, it began to make more sense. So, if you're like me and you walk away from this chapter saying, "What?," try explaining it to someone else. (That's how I always learned things best: try to teach it to someone else.)

Here's to a good week of learning!