[SchmennaLeigh]

While this is also an issue in reunion, I would assume, I'm posting in the OA forum because it seems (to me) to be a more in-your-face kind of issue because of the ongoing involvement that husbands and wives of birth parents would have in a fully open adoption.

All that said: what title does your husband/wife have/prefer/use? What does your child call your husband/wife? (Note: this is an applicable conversation for when the husband/wife is not also the first mother/father of the placed child. Otherwise, the titles are obvious.)

I'm aware that many people are going to say, "We don't do a title for the husband/wife; the child just refers to him/her by their first name." That's how we do it as well. But I'm always left wondering why... why not more?

Josh would have been her everyday Dad had things gone differently. He was willing and able to accept that position, title and role. Things didn't work that way. And so, because of my signature, the love he has for the Munchkin is totally eradicated in title form and he's got absolutely nothing to show for the devotion he had to her even before she was born and consistently throughout her life.

Is there a title? Obviously, I'm not going to make the Munchkin refer to him as such when she is comfortable, after years of calling him by his name, calling him Josh. But... I can't help but wonder if he shouldn't be "honored" with a title. One that shows respect for the consistent involvement in her life.

I know others have dealt with this; please discuss.

[Free_to_be_me]

My guy doesn't have a title either...but he wasn't around until P was about six years old. He has met her several times, but since we live 3000 miles apart he hasn't built a strong relationship with her.

At the same time, P asks me a lot of questions. She likes having definitions and titles and being able to know exactly how people fit into her life. So, a few years ago she was asking my about my boyfriend... She said, "If you and S got married, would he be, like, my...step-birth-father?" I didn't really have an answer for her. I don't have a title for him...

[Free_to_be_me]

P also referred to my sister's husband as her "birthuncle." I guess, in her mind, the "birth" title doesn't necessarily mean biological. It refers to anyone related to her through me, even if it is a little distant.

[bajj]

Jenna, does Munchkin have a title for you? If so, is there a male version that would be appropriate for Josh?

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally Posted by bajj

Jenna, does Munchkin have a title for you? If so, is there a male version that would be appropriate for Josh?

Considering that the Munchkin refers to me as Mommy/Mom and/or Jenna as she so desires, "Dad" doesn't really work. Though she did try it out on him once.

[schatz]

I don't recall where I heard it (and I don't have a need for it just yet) but I love it so much.

Bonus Dad....

[bromanchik]

When Matt was young he refered to Clemens as "our German" (because he is a German national). When he was older it was Step-birthfather. Now I have no idea what he refers to him as....

[SchmennaLeigh]

Bonus Dad. LOL. I need to write about that!