[Vogi2002]

Okay so I have had people ask me "Well the birthparents don't want them..." so I am wondering if people don't get the questions..."Why didn't you want them?"

I always have to explain the child IS wanted but they just aren't ready to parent. DAH!

ETA: Sorry, don't mean to hijack as an aparent, but I also get the question "Well if they didn't want them why would you let them see them" or....my absolute favorite "What kind are you getting?" (yes, talking about what KIND of baby...I was like WHAT?!? Then told them probably a 2007 model, not sure of color, style, make, or model yet...)

[BrandyHagz]

I have been asked both, how much I got and why I didn't want her - I don't consider those as bad as the ones I posted, because that's just general adoption stupidity...unlike the ones I posted, which are just general stupidity...

I feel I can educate someone who has general adoption stupidity...but general stupidity isn't usually something that can be fixed with anything short of a punch in the jaw, and I'm a lover, not a fighter

[taramayrn]

On some level I get the "I'm sorry" and the "does he call you mom?" questions - I understand where those questions come from.

[taramayrn]

"Wow, you are so brave because I could NEVER just give away my child"

Now how could I forget that one!?

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by MicheleB

Totally out of curiousity here - anyone ever ask how much money they recieved for thier baby?

"How much did you get?" was actually the question I got.

[lahdh4]

I had a nurse at the hospital ask me "Well, you are doing adoption because you don't know who the father is." #$@ he was outside the door and waited for me to fill her in before he stepped in and just stood at the doorway and proceeded to fill her in as well. I then filled in the nurse supervisor and the hospital SW and she was not to step a foot in the room again.
Then from a "friend", I could never do that, I love my kids too much.
I was told open adoption would hurt too much and I should kill myself now.
Don't you love your baby?
You are soo strong, I could never do that.
Another "friend", Well H is a handful and I am soo glad that I decided against adoption and kept her.
You will not be a good influence in her life.

...sorry need to step away

[vbigelow]

My adoption was closed and so I went through many years of torturous wondering until my son became an adult and found me. However, I have a comment to contribute. When I would tell my mother how I wished that I could at least have letters and photos, she'd say, "Oh really. What are they (his a-parents), your babysitters? He's not yours anymore. You need to stop being so selfish and self centered and move on."

[taramayrn]

Originally Posted by vbigelow

My adoption was closed and so I went through many years of torturous wondering until my son became an adult and found me. However, I have a comment to contribute. When I would tell my mother how I wished that I could at least have letters and photos, she'd say, "Oh really. What are they (his a-parents), your babysitters? He's not yours anymore. You need to stop being so selfish and self centered and move on."

Ouch, I'm so sorry. I am reading "The Girls Who Went Away" and sadly, I think many other women heard similar comments.
I am a bmom in an open adoption and heard the "move on and leave them alone" from my son's adopted sister's birthfamily the one and only time I met them (my son was a month old at the time).

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally Posted by taramayrn

I am a bmom in an open adoption and heard the "move on and leave them alone" from my son's adopted sister's birthfamily the one and only time I met them (my son was a month old at the time).

I got this. On my wedding day. At the reception. From my favorite uncle.

Unfortunately, this is one that I haven't been able to let go of even in therapy.

[taramayrn]

Jenna ((((HUGS)))) as if any time to say something ignorant is good, but to say something like that right before your wedding - how hurtful. I'm sorry.

You know, you say you haven't been able to move past this comment yet. Come to think of it, of all the comments I've recieved that one has hurt the most. Maybe because it came from a fellow birthmom. I don't know.

[kakuehl]

Gee, did you pay? I must have done something wrong... other than get pregnant and place my child for adoption, that is. My "favorite" question was always, "Does your husband know?'

[taramayrn]

Jenna - I forgot to ask earlier - any idea why this comment has been so difficult for you to overcome?
I think for me it really played into the insecurities I already felt regards to my role in T's life.

[HappyTwinsMom]

Sorry...another a-mom stepping in here. As appalled as I've been at times with the ignorant questions and comments we've received, I'm even more stunned at the monumental stupidity you all have been subjected to. Big hugs to everyone!

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally Posted by taramayrn

Jenna - I forgot to ask earlier - any idea why this comment has been so difficult for you to overcome?
I think for me it really played into the insecurities I already felt regards to my role in T's life.

Well, the fact that it was said to me on my wedding day didn't freaking help any matters. This was also at the end of the first year, when others were busy telling me that I should have faded into the background and I wasn't sure what my role really should be in the Munchkin's life. It was also shortly after her first birthday which was an emotional catastrophe... so I was really searching for who I was supposed to be in her life.

That and he is...w as... my favorite uncle.

[taramayrn]

I understand Jenna ((((HUGS))))