[SchmennaLeigh]

Today was our community Halloween party. I invited my Library MommyFriend to come to our house before hand and walk over with us because we live less than a block from where it was held. Afterwards, we returned home and as she was waiting for her Mother to pick her up (as her Husband took her car because he had TWO flat tires this morning), she was looking at my fridge and the pictures displayed on it.

Now, this goes hand in hand with the post I made before about displaying pictures in ones' home. This was my first test, folks.

MommyFriend is looking at the pictures: one of Nicholas in his Steelers jersey (yelling, of course) and one of Munchkin in a beautiful pink shirt looking, of course, beautiful. She turns to me and says, "Who..." and just points back and forth.

I said, "Well, of course, that's Nick. And that's my daughter that I placed for adoption. They'll be out next month for Nick's birthday party." (Which she is invited to and is coming.) She pauses for a few seconds. Josh chimes in with the fact that the Munchkin is hilarious. (She is.) (And thank God for Josh trying to chime in and ease my anxiety. Love that Husband of mine!)

And then this was said:

"So you're adopting her?"

Now, this has never happened before. Granted, I haven't told too many people face to face that I have placed a child for adoption. This is new territory for me and I'm just trying to go with the flow. But even when I tell the general "untouched by adoption" random person on the internet that I have "placed a child for adoption" it is generally understood that I am not adopting her but that I have placed her.

So, I simply reiterated what I said and then, thankfully, Nicholas threw food at me and the subject was changed.

Josh and I discussed it later. It's kind of comical. And it's kind of not. I mean, sure, if she's not touched by adoption (I have no clue), maybe she didn't understand the lingo. Maybe she was shocked that I am a birthmother and therefore debunk all myths about birthmothers ever written or thought. But, I mean, gah. It was just an uncomfortable moment that I didn't expect to experience. No one tells you to prepare for that on either.

Has this happened to anyone else before? Weird.

Anyway, Josh agrees that I passed my first "pictures are up in our house and people are going to ask questions" test. I am awesome. The end.

[MommaKatja]

wow you handled that wonderfully I have gotten the confused "you're adopting" question several times which in my case is really stupid since i'm only 23 and just moved out of my parents house and can barely make rent etc on the job i have but still when they see the pictures and hear adoption it's like they block out the rest of the sentence. I assume it's because my son looks NOTHING like me (well unless you look hard and squint) Maybe next time i'll take a page from your book and try to respond in a similar fashion

[Free_to_be_me]

I've gotten that one a couple times. It always confuses me to. Usually when I talk about her for the first time I say something along the lines of "I had a little girl when I was 17 and placed her for adoption. She is (however old) now and lives in (my homestate)." To hear that question after all that just confuses me. Huh?

[m-mom]

I can't say that has ever happened. How confusing!

I have, however, been dealing with the picture questions for years. Some people want all the info, others change the subject quickly. Usually I find people get a look of shock...they just kinda freeze up.

Sometimes i dont want to deal with it. I will say he is my nephew...it very much depends on how comfortable I feel with the person, and then i end up feeling awkward and guilty if i do "lie".

But anyways, good for you.

[InBlindFaith]

I think you handled it beautifully!! Now you know how someone will respond when they look at the picture. I'm sure sure she will ask for clarification at a later date.

If you want another try at it again then invite someone else over. The more you're asked the easier it will be to answer.

You did good!!

[Marmy_4]

I think it just goes to show that alot of people forget about our side...the birthfamily. Like...uh where do you think the baby came from?.... maybe she is also confused because the way i hear it there are alot of stereotypes out there for birthmoms and maybe she didnt place you in one of thoes stereotypes?

[AMom2Two]

I think you did great. Your post had me laughing. People just don't understand open adoption. They get all confused and tongue tied. We shouldn't be talking, visiting or sharing pictures.

We just had a visit yesterday with dd bmom and son. DD put a picture I took of three of them up on our fridge. She took another one and put it in her room and says I want to share this with my friend. This will be interesting!

My family will be horrified that now I've gone to having pictures up, but to me, we're just going with the flow. DD put it up. I'm not taking it down.

My dd bmom is in shoe's similar to you, coming out to her family and friends about being a birthmother. She feels better about it all. She still has some work to do, but she is getting there. I know it's hard for her, so each step she takes, means a lot to me.

[stillwaiting]

Good Job Jenna. You may have opened a door in her mind to consider adoption in the future.

Our best friends are considering adopting from the state we live in becuase they have seen the difference we have made in our son's life. They knew nothing about adoption prior to us bringing our son home and now they are seriously considering adopting an older child.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally Posted by AMom2Two

She still has some work to do, but she is getting there. I know it's hard for her, so each step she takes, means a lot to me.

I still have some work to do as well.. which I do. But in just a general sense, it feels a lot better now, ya know? I had to work my buns off to get to where I am. And, like you, I know D finds meaning not only for the Munchkin but for herself in each step of my own personal journey.

stillwaiting; our situation is much different than yours, it sounds.

[Vogi2002]

Jenna! Great step taken! I understand how scary that must be for you....sounds like you handled it perfectly. It's amazing how good it feels to go through it and be "okay". The first times are always the hardest!

Comparitivly I probably would have laughed out loud when she said that, I tend to laugh when I get nervous...it never helps the situation LOL. I just get odd looks....and then it makes it harder to stop laughing.

[lahdh4]

You have come along way Jenna!!!! From what I read you handled it just fine. It is hard to explain things and terminology to those who just don't know about adoption.

[stillwaiting]

Jenna- you are in a very different situation than me. I am amazed at your strength and the relationship you have with your daughter. I wish all adoptions could be as open as the one you have with D and her husband and munchkin. I can't begin to understand the pain and happiness that must encompass your love for everyone evolved.

The one thing I picked up from your post is how "uneducated" - (for lack of a better word) people are about adoption. I have seen that first hand in my own adoption experience.

I can only imagine the impact you have made on your friend's life by allowing her to see the true you.

I just think you are awesome and an incredibly strong woman.

As my little one always says, "Good job Mommy!”

Good Job Jenna.