[kaylasmom]

I usually post in foster, but since we will be getting to adopt I want advice from more side's then my own.

First of all,I have 2 kids of my own, and started fostering to get a relative from the system, we foster others to now.

We have had P since he was one, he just turned two at the beginning of mth. Dad was actually going to get him back at court on the 24th of this mth. Due to thing's happining that will not happen, and we will adopt him.

I love P with all my heart, was crushed at the idea of him leaving, and am so happy he will be staying, now, I'm crushed for dad.

We said we wont keep dad out of his life, so question is, how much contact? I like dad, we both do really, I know him a bit better since I did the visit's.

As far as mom, I send her pic's, and updates now, never hear back, but I'm sure she is glad to get them, and when she get's out we will alowe contact there also, again the question how much?

I would like opions from ppl in open adoption's, semi, and I would Like to understand the differance's, I want these parent's to know how much I love there child, but how do I do this?

You see this adoption is forced on there part...thats why the question, how much contact?
Fear drive's ppl, and I don't want to live me life this way, and I don't want them living there life that way either.

I am assuming, pic's and update's would help them, and let them know we love him and that he is happy.

Any advice would be so helpful, I would like to give dad an idea of what to expect when I talk to him again.....Thoughts????


Sorry so long...if I left somthing out, or you want to know somthing please ask.


thanks in advance!!

[SchmennaLeigh]

Set boundaries from the start. I think that's the best advice I can give.

Don't be afraid to have less contact at the start and gradually increase it. Don't ever feel forced into something; make all points of contact your decision in the best interest of your children. Things need to be considered such as the safety and mental well-being of P. Frankly, since you're planning on involving P's biological family from such an early point in his life, it should become the "norm" to him as time progresses. Just keep an eye on P and encourage and foster good communication as the years go on.

As for how much is appropriate? Eh, it varies. I don't know the parents' histories so I can't offer specific advice. You know the Dad more, you said. You said there were visits. It would be best for you to discuss with him what he thinks he would want. Then say, let me discuss it with my Husband and I'll get back to you. And then set an amount of visits that you are comfortable with. If he asked for more and you can't handle that, explain why and offer x-visits per month/year/etc. If he gets angry and says it's unacceptable, he'll soon realize that it's either that or nothing.

As for the Mom, her lack of reply, as you said, doesn't mean that she doesn't care. She's probably hurting. You're going to have to feel that one out over time.

Boundaries and good communication will be key in making this relationship with the biological family work. Best of luck.