[myjuliebaby]

My first child was born when I was 17. I raised him on my own for 18 months before he was adopted by my parents. Legally adopted. I asked them to. I felt that I couldn't cope with raising a child on my own (no partner, no education, no money, etc). My parents, my child's grandparents, asked me to stay away for 3 months when he first went to live with them. I did it.

People in my family really suck at relationships. There are a lot of us - I'm the oldest of 7 siblings - but we don't have much interpersonal, caring relationship-building communication. Dinner conversation at our house when I was growing up centred around things like current events, world issues and literature, not "how was your day?", "what do you want to do on the weekend?", "you look sad, do you want to talk about it?" My parents obtained professional counselling and therapy for us before discussing issues and feelings at home.

It is my oldest son's 16th birthday today. After my parents accepted my child I went on to complete my education and have a very successful professional career. I am happily married to a wonderful man and we have 2 children together. As far as we know, he doesn't have any other children. He has always known about my first son.

I have no relationship with the child I gave birth to. I accept the choices I made and I accept the consequences. But I am not happy with the situation as it exists today. He lives with my parents, I certainly know how to get in touch! We spend time together in large family gatherings.

He doesn't know I love him. He doesn't know how much I love him.

Our relationship, we're legally siblings - but we're NOT!!! I carried that child within my body. Because I have such a large family (including a biological sister a month younger than him), it is easy for him and me to just blend into the crowd of "family" in photos. I have decided that it is time for me to work on developing a relationship with my beautiful boy.

I have asked him if he would like to talk about his adoption. I am going to discuss my feelings with my parents. I am going to talk to my husband. I told my other sons this morning that they have an older half-brother, although they call him "uncle". Until today, they didn't know.

The world needs more love. Every child needs to have as many supportive, caring adults in their life as possible. My first son deserves to know how much I love him. He deserves an apology for my non-involvment in his life. What he chooses to do with that is up to him.

My kids this morning barely blinked an eye when I told them. I show and tell them every day how much I love them. They love me too.

I love my juliebaby, that's what I called him when he was small. I bet he doesn't even know. Does he love me? Is he angry with me? Does he hate me? He's 16. I missed 14 years of his life. It was my choice. I followed the rules. But it is time for a change.

[SchmennaLeigh]

He DOES need to know that you love him. All kids, no matter if they're adopted or not, need to know that parents (of any kind) love them.

Best of luck in forming this relationship.

[RIMomma]

I actually had a friend that was adopted by her dad's parents and she grew up with him as her brother..It was tough on all parties..I wish you the best.

[opalwench]

Best wishes from me too. Please let us know how it goes.