[m-mom]

Even though birth mothers have open adoptions I still feel it is their right to choose whom they want to share the details with.

One of my best friends told her roomates about my b-son and my boyfriend told his mother last weekend. Excuse me, but the most painful, personal part of my life is not something i trust with just anyone! I am very protective about that part of my life, and people that are not personally envolved with adoptions do not seem to grasp how private the topic is.

How do you handle the situaltion when someone close to you shares the information of your birth child with others?

[SchmennaLeigh]

m-mom;

Are you in therapy. I reacted much like you for about two years. I didn't want ANYONE to know ANYTHING. Once I began therapy and began working through the guilt, shame and other emotions, I eased into a place where I now don't freak out if someone mentions the Munchkin.

I see the situation you described as this: neither your best friend or your boyfriend are ashamed of your title.

You shouldn't be either. Don't let society keep you quiet. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

[m-mom]

it's not that I don't want ANYONE to know. I do tell a lot of people around me ( friends, roomates, co-workers, boyfriend). People that I feel close to and can trust.

But when the information comes back to me from people I hardly know, as was the case with my friends roomate, i feel really uncomfortable. She actually made a really rude comment about it.
Just because i share something personal with someone does not mean they have the right to run with it. I do not feel ashamed, I am discreet.

[browneyes0707]

m-mom:

I feel the same way. I think that it's a personal story that I feel is my right to share with whom I want in my own way and time. I'm not ashamed of being a b-mom, that's how I am with everything in my life that's personal.

I know my best friend told her next door neighbors(who I can't STAND!) my story because they are adoptive parents. Like we are all part of some "secret club" or something I don't know, I don't even want them knowing my dog's name, much less my business!

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

Although I am an adoptive mother, I can relate. I was at a baby shower for my sister-in-law. I over heard my other sister-in-law talking to her mother-in-law about my boys. They were adopted thru foster care so their past is not exactly pretty. The other thing is, she can't even get it straight. She is mixing one boy's past and family with the others to create the worst possible story you could imagine.

Good grief, this is a woman I have met only about 4 times in the 7 years DH and I have been together. She hardly needs the ins and outs on my children! Certainly there are other topics of conversation that could have been had at a baby shower!

[bromanchik]

You definately have the right of privacy... the right to tell who you want, when you want. Privacy and secrecy are two very different things. Privacy is saying "this is my personal business and I only want XYZ people to know about it. Secrecy is being uncomfortable with anyone knowing about it, even those near and dear to you.

[msdesi]

Originally Posted by m-mom

Even though birth mothers have open adoptions I still feel it is their right to choose whom they want to share the details with.

One of my best friends told her roomates about my b-son and my boyfriend told his mother last weekend. Excuse me, but the most painful, personal part of my life is not something i trust with just anyone! I am very protective about that part of my life, and people that are not personally envolved with adoptions do not seem to grasp how private the topic is.

How do you handle the situaltion when someone close to you shares the information of your birth child with others?

(((hugs))) I understand that too well. After I placed, my daughters birthfather was still my stupid boyfriend for awhile and he told everyone and I do mean everyone. He told all his co-workers...friends...even his car insurance guy. Worse, even though he HEAVILY pressured me to place, when he told it to people he made it sound like he didn't want to and it was all my choice so he could get the "oh poor guy" reaction. I tell you I would've never trusted men again if I hadn't met my wonderful husband after I moved. My daughter's birthfather was abusive physically and emotional though so looking back I see this was one more form of psychological manipulation.

Well I left him and moved to another city and even though I've always be careful who I tell, it happened at least 2 times that a friend told one of their friends. My husband would never tell a soul and I love him for that but friends...Ai ya! Lol. The last time was when my best friend told her one of her long time friends and her friend kind of brought it up when we were all out to lunch one day. I handled this by just giving her a really confused look like I didn't have a clue what she was talking about and changed the subject. Later I confronted my best friend, who told me "Oh don't worry...she so nice and understand everything." I told her I don't care and I don't know her friend so please stop telling my private life.