[az sun]

Hi my dp and I are in process of adopting a baby (few months old) on the east coast. We have been matched via the agency re bmother request and with red tape almost over will fly out in less than a month. Bmother gave baby to care at birth, signed papers at 6 weeks. We feel truly blessed.
We and agency will do open (or maybe semi not sure of PC) adoption, with set schedule of photos and letters we send to agency (predetermined), visits will be decided later if requested, at the moment bmother has vanished (agency has agreement she will contact them if/when desired). We are keeping chosen name from bmother as middle name and choosing her a(new) first name.
What would you like us to know as first time aparents, we will not meet bmother when we pick up our baby,may never meet her (if she never contacts agency), I dont know.
Thought you all would be the best people to ask, keeping details scarce for privacy.
Many Thanks,
Az sun.

[rrrobie]

First of all, congratulations!! Second, you have what I (in my totally untrained opinion) consider a semi-open adoption. Open, in my mind encompasses more visiting and familiarity between parties (at least meeting one another). I am a part of an open adoption, so I'm coming from a different standpoint, but as a birthmother, I would just say to continue to keep the possibility of contact open. From the sound of it, your birthmother may not want much openness, but the beginning is always the hardest time to judge how one will feel once the dust has settled. Keep an open mind, and try not to feel threatened if the birthmother does contact the agency. Send pictures on a regular basis, even if you never hear anything back, and include letters describing the development of the child. I think many adoptive parents may hold back on divulging these details, worrying that they would be bragging by delighting in the development of the baby in these letters or opening up feelings of longing in the birthmother. On the contrary, knowing the baby is growing up healthy and happy and is in a home that cherishes and delights in him/her is a reassurance we often need to move on.

[jkjohnson]

hi...my dh and I are new to adoption. we are in contact with a young woman (she's 19), to adopt her baby at birth. our name was given to her thru mutual friends. as of right now, she has chosen us as her baby's adoptive parents. she's seems to be extremely relieved and excited to find us. i have tried to make sure she knows how supportive we are of her decisions, and to make sure she knows that if she has any questions--NO MATTER WHAT THEY ARE--she CAN ask me. obviously this will be an open adoption. i guess i would just like advice from a birthmother who has been in her shoes. i want to know what her concerns might be (when i ask if she has questions, she can never think of them). some advice on what i can do, to make this as comfortable as i can for both of us. My dh and I have tried to have a baby, and after one miscarriage and monthes of tests and treatments, we just can't seem to. we know how lucky we are, and i know that i could never imagine how difficult of a decision this must be for her. okay now that i am rambling on, any thoughts would be greatly apprieciated.
thanks--JK

[SchmennaLeigh]

JK;

Discuss what openness means to both of you. Make sure you are on the same page, same paragraph.

[RIMomma]

Letters and pictures are the most precious thing to us. All the descriptions you put into the letters melt our hearts..I don't know what else to say as a birthmom sometimes I find it awkward to write letters back so if you don't get a letter back don't give up.