[SchmennaLeigh]

I'm posing a completely hypothetical situation. And I'm going to make it far-fetched.

As a firstparent, all ready having placed your child in another family, with all circumstances of that adoption as they are in real life, would you place another child in that family if adoption was your only option? This question is not the typical "would you place again," question. No. I'm trying to pose a different question. Would you choose the same family for another child? Adoption is your only option because, uhm, *thinks up something*, the father of the baby has been killed in a motorcycle crash and you know that you will die in childbirth and you have no relatives.

Okay, that's extreme. I'm just trying to get people to look past the "would you place again" question and switch to the mind set of "if I had to place, would I place with the same family" mindset.

Things to take into account are the state of your current adoption. Is it closed? Was it open and then closed? Is it open? And what do you want for your children? Siblings? No?

Again, move past the fact that many of us would move heck or high water to avoid a second placement. I'm just curious about what influences our feelings about the adoptive families we have placed our children in.

And remember; be respectful.

[BrandyHagz]

Yes, I would. Not only would I place with them again – they are the appointed legal guardians of my son, who I am parenting, should something happen to us.

This is a very interesting topic – I hope it stays on track

[numbr1dbcksfan]

No. Id place both the daughter I raise and the baby with a close friend. And have them keep in contact with Kristins parents.

If I didnt have an older child then yes - so they could be together.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Yes, I'd choose the same family. The only reason they are not Nicholas' legal guardians if something was to happen to us is because of the distance and our desire for him to grow up with Grandparents. We didn't think it was fair to uproot him should we be knocked off by the mafia. Or something. And now that I write that out, where would Nicholas go, if I was sending his sibling off to one place and him to another? That doesn't seem right.

Anyway, I'm thinking too hard.

[BoxerLady6]

Yes I would.
I was almost faced with the fact a about a year ago when I believed I was pregnant. I was ready to call them and ask if they would adopt again. I think if you are placing, siblings should be together if at all possible.
I even feel slightly bad for my bdaughter that she will most likely never have siblings. Bio or adopted. Its something I didn't think of asking for some reason when placing her with them. They have never said flat out that they are not adopting again but it been awhile since they adopted her and its never been mentioned.

[billysmommy]

Not a birthparent here , but an aparent - hope that's okay!
Three years after placing our son, his first mom placed our daughter with us.

Once she decided (or realized) she was still unable to parent, she had no question about where the child would go. In fact, she just naturally assumed we would adopt her. (That in itself is a whole 'nother story, lol). We have a very open adoption, and though we had some bumps along the way, we have a solid relationship. She felt confident and secure knowing that we would always keep it that way. She has a kept son who is only 15 months older than our first, and the boys are very close. She felt so strongly that if all the siblings could not be raised together (which was impossible) that at least 2 of them would.

For me, it is so much more difficult and emotional now (not that it wasn't the first time) with two children. I worry for her first child, how he will deal with the loss of not one, but two of his siblings. The first time, he was a baby and had no idea what was going on, but when our daughter was born, he was old enough to witness it all. And shortly after that, he was placed in the custody of a family member. Going off topic here, sorry. Just wanted to addto the thread because I am living it.

[taramayrn]

Yes I would place a new child with J and S.

[EmorysMamma]

Yes, I would absolutely place another child with my daughter's Aparents. We have such a great relationship and I love them dearly. They are wonderful parents.

[Boulderbabe]

Aparent here, answering the question in reverse: if my son's bparents were to come to me and ask me to adopt another of their children, would I?

I would definitely adopt another of my son's bmom's kids, if God Forbid, she were in a place where she couldn't parent again, or if (God Forbid even more) she had another child removed. She and I have had our difficulties, but out of a situation filled with hostility and mistrust, we've forged a pretty decent relationship. I appreciate all the work she has done to resolve her problems and get to the place she is now, where she is safely parenting her daughter with the help of her parents. She's doing her best.

If my son's birthfather had another child that came into the system, of course I would adopt my son's brother or sister. But I wouldn't be quite as enthusiastic about it, because my son's birthfather is now doing things that are scary and unsafe. Contact with him is not a good idea right now, and I would be pretty afraid to go through the whole year of visitation, etc. again with him.

I'm proud of the family my son's bmom and I have been able to build together. I wish his bdad could do that, too.

[Mommy24]

Nope, It is unfortunate because I would really like for him to be with his siblings. I guess you could say I am a weeee bit bitter about them closing the adoption with no explanation. I just couldnt take the chance of not knowing about 2 of my bchildren that I couldnt do it. However with that thought, who is to say that the couple I would chose for the second child wouldnt do the same?

I dont know, Please God I pray, please dont let me be in that situation again!

[mom2GRLC]

I'm an adoptive parent. So I'll just give my opinion as if I had placed one child....then yes i would want my other child to be with their bio-sibling(as long as i continued to feel they were good parents to my first child and would be to my other child as well).

On my side of the fence.....I have 4 kids all from different birthfamilies. Some already have bio-siblings and others may have more in the future. I wouldn't automatically take another child JUST cause they were biologically connected. I'd have to prayerfully consider any new children we might be offered and wether it was a newborn or an older child that had been removed from the home or even a sibling group).

I would love to keep my childrens siblings together even if that meant increasing our family more than we had planned, But I couldn't just say yes...automatically. Theres a lot we'd have to consider. But yes definatly my heart would want to say YES YES YES!!!

[banjo]

If there truly was no other option and I was about to die then I would want my children to be together in a stable, loving family. But I have specified in my will that my kept child stays within my or my husband's family. (so they would have to be wiped out by the mafia/earthquake) I do not want my family or my second child to be further impacted by the negative side of adoption. the silent negative ripple effects of adoption are too huge to be ignored.

[Tigger27]

Well, I did place two daughters and ended up having to place them in two different families.

I did want to place my second girl with her sister and parents, but they were unable to adopt my second girl. It was hard for me to have to choose another family and not have my girls grow up together, but it did end up working out really well and I can't imagine not having placed my second girl with her family or having things any different.

So, yes I wanted to place my second with the first family I placed with, but things worked out differently and it's all good that it worked out the way it did.

Now, see that gives a different choice in my specific, personal situation that if I were to have another child and had to place, would I place with my 3 yr old's parents or with my 18 mo old's parents? Now that's a hard question for me because I love and have such great relationships with both my girls families so I don't know how I'd decide which of my girls families to place another child with if I had to.

Aaah - now I'm thinking too much.

Anne

[alwaysus]

Our 2 ( adopted) kids have the same birth mother. 2 different placements 5.5 years apart.