[trippingdaisy]

For awhile I stayed away from these boards cause I read some negative things and I couldn't stand them and now here I am turning to these same boards for answers.I had what many called the perfect open adoption for 3 years.Monthly visits,bi weekly if not weekly emails and phone calls.Holidays with both families the sisters grew to be so happy together my little girl even called their new adoptive son her little brother.We had a wonderful Christmas together or so I thought.We talked about our next visit and how the last picture for the present would come.But it is now June and none of those things have happened.The father has called twice a few months ago assuring mom would call when she returned from her girls weekend.No call finally an email from her the first one since Christmas about a visit, I say pick a day never a response.Valentines Day gifts,Easter gifts,Mother Day gifts still sit here unopened.The card and letter I sent asking for a reason for the ending of our openess still unanswered.I know their 2nd birthmother is not in the picture but that is not what we had talked about and decided upon.We were going to write our own story,we were going to be the ones who would make it work.If I knew this was the way it was going to be from the begining I would have never but so much heart into this,I would have never become such an advocate for open adoption,I would have never been in such pain as I have felt these past months.All I can do is wonder what I did wrong?What did I say?What can I do to fix this?Then again I asked all these things in my letter to her mother and I never got my answers, I even said please I think I deserve to know what I did.I mean did all those girls who came to me for advice about open adoption was it all lies I told them?Can an open adoption such as mine ever truely work?How much longer do I tell my first daughter that her sister's parents are busy?When do I tell my family that it is over?When do I close up my heart so the pain can stop?Cause right now it hurts more then the day I signed the papers.Has anyone else gone through this?

[saxxxy]

trippingdaisy,

I am sorry to hear of your pain. There should be no excuse for them not to give you an explanation. I currently have the opposite situation. My daughters first Mom has stopped responding to my emails. We did not even hear from her on my daughter's 2nd birthday.
It does hurt a lot to build a friendship and closeness just to have it end.
I wish I had advice for you, but all I have is understanding.

I hope you can find some peace.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

((HUG))

Ive had those same thoughts... I used to give advice, too.

Bleh. Still looking for the answers.
It could be about the second birthmom not being in the picture... the other one in my case isnt and has hindered my contact greatly (they were more open with her.. then SHE disappeared... bleh).

As for what to tell the other child... just be honest and say you dont know. My daughter is nine and we just talk about it... and it is sad for us both. But what else can you do.. right?

Now I didnt have the door closed on me... I have a semi-open but I have the same reactions as you. My hunch from what you said... is that you didnt do anything wrong.

((GIANT GIANT HUGS)) to you. I wish I could offer more.

[Moongrl22]

I'm a Bmother too and let's just tell it like it is. It hurts. I know I've been there. What do you do? Move on with your life. Keep sending all those letters to your baby. Some day your child is going to ask why did you even write me? You can say I did write. Keep sending those birthday cards and all those holiday cards. Don't ever stop. Don't do like I did. I stopped I gave up. I let it go. I moved on and I tried not to look back. Now she's 17 yrs old. She wants to meet me SOME DAY. I would love that but I'm not sure about it. She's had the life I dreamed for her. She'll never want for nothing. I'm a mother of three and I love it. Motherhood is a wonderful gift from God. I'm sorry you are feeling so much pain right now. Hang in there. Be strong.

[SchmennaLeigh]

A gentle reminder to not generalize any side of the triad. It is one thing to speak of your own experience. It is another thing entirely to lump people into categories or stereotypes.