[SchmennaLeigh]

Even with the birth of my son, which did not have the added trauma of adoption, is "hazy" at best. I knew, from Munchkin's birth, that it would be hard to remember all of the details of the labor, the delivery and the two days in the hospital so I attempted to write down the information. But, when you're in the middle of pushing, you don't really have the mind frame to think, "Shoot! I need to write down what number of pushes this is." But when it comes to Munchkin's birth, everything is hazy. It kind of blurs together. From arriving to pushing to leaving... it all seems like one very long day.

What are your memories of the birth of your placed child(ren)? They don't have to be good or bad, positive or negative. Just share. I've been working up the nerve, as there is a need for my personal life, to hit on some of these issues in my healing process. But they are buried so deep ... and it's quite hard.

Share. If you don't remember, say so. If you do remember, tell us. If it's hazy, attempt.

Beyond that, take the time to offer up advice to expectant mothers considering placement when they go into labor with their child. (More than just, "DON'T DO IT!" though most of us would love to scream that.) What are practical things that will help these women through their birthing process, hospital time and immediate (physical) healing process? Share.

[Montraviatommyg]

Labour was very quick when I had my son. I woke up at about 6 am as the start of labour woke me and my dad got me to the hospital straight away. Even 25 years on (almost ) I remember being rushed through and being "told off" for not getting to the hospital sooner. For most of the time I was left on my own apart from occasionally being checked on and two hours later I had my son. I remember him crying then him being taken away as I couldn't bear the heartache of seeing him straight away...I did see him later. Funnily enough I remember having stitches afterwards despite him being a small baby (approx 6lbs 2 oz) like it was yesterday.

The best advice I can give anybody who is determined to place is have somebody with you as that will help you remember more afterwards. Talking about the experience is also important as that is something I didn't do. I was alone the whole time I was in hospital in a room on my own as the nurses wanted to be thoughtful towards me. They were lovely towards me with one exception but once the others knew she wasn't allowed near me. It was a lonely time for me as I only had two visitors....my sister and the social worker which I suffered for a week. Having support is so important.

Pip

[firstparentblog]

Well I went into labor and we didn't get to the hospital until I was about two or three hours into it at least. But that was fine. I had a C section and I remember the nurses and doctor taking bets on how much Punkin weighed (he was 13.5 lbs.) The days after I sat in the hospital and either cried b/c he wasn't with me or cried b/c Danny couldn't be there b/c of family commitments and work. It was a pretty crummy few days. The nurses didn't get it, the doctors didn't want to tell me anything about his condition. It was just crappy.

The first time I visited my Punkin in the hospital was very hard. He was so sick. I held him and just cried. Of course his potential adoptive parents were hovering over me waiting for their chance, which made things tough, but we perservered. We did get a chance to visit him by ourselves. I sang his song to him and he snuggled right up to me, just like he remembered me. All I could do was cry. I love him so much. (Ok, sorry to be sappy, we're getting close to his birthday, the 30th, and I tend to get emotional.)

As far as advice. I would take a journal with me and write down things that were going on. I would kick everyone out of my room and take time to myself with my child. I would sing to my baby, feed them, change them, do all of the mom things I wasn't going to be able to do later on. I would do all of that without the adoptive mom present. If the adoptive mom threw a fit, I would remind her that she gets every day for the rest of MY child's life and I get three or four days.

[emilyangel]

I remember lots of little details from the births of my birthdaughter and my daughter.


With birthdaughter, I was induces for high blood pressure, which was fine since I was already 6 days overdue anyway..lol

I arrived at about 8am, and aparents at about 9am, and the process began. We all sat around bored for hours..lol Asister showed up closer to noon, and we all napped..lol

Things are fuzzy from the point when it actually started getting painful to birth. I tried having an epidural, but it plain out didn't work, and I tried asking to have it redone, but it was too late by that point, she was already crowning. Which, by the way, the nurse did NOT believe me that she was coming NOW, since I had only been 4 cms less than an hour before that. But I knew she was coming. I'd done this before, I knew what it felt like.

My aunt came to visit me, and she came right at that moment, when the nurse checked and realized the baby was there. She yelled at me not to push and ran crazy for the DR and other nurses...lol It was kinda funny..lol

Don't push, yeah, like that actually works..lol

The baby came out just as my DR sat down in front of me..lol He caught her AS he sat down.

My aunt holding one hand, amom holding the other, with adad and asister in the background, all crying..

I do remember, while trying 'not to push', (LOL) saying things like 'i can't do this', and amom later that day telling me that when i was saying that all she could think was I am the strongest person she knows, and she knew I could do anything.

I roomed in with bdaughter, and didn't spend any time without her, other than to shower..

Things are kinda blurry otherwise, but they are with my daughter's birth as well.


I also remember, asister lied to get out of work, saying the baby had already been born and that it was a boy. (we didn't know the sex ahead of time), and she was freaking out when it was a girl thinking she'd get in trouble at work...lol (she was 19 at the time)

I remember little things, like that. I remember amom's sister asking if baby was going home 'with mom', and I looked at her and said 'yes, with mom and dad' (meaning aparents).

I think I rambled on enough.

[lilly123]

I remember Nicole's birth like it was yesterday!!!

I had went to the mall to get my paycheck, and I was talking with my boss, and all of the sudden my water broke. it was about 2 pm, I drove home, and told my mom to come upstairs, I had to talk to her. Halfway up the steps, she Hollered, Oh no, your water broke!!! She is running around frantically, While I calmly got my stuff together, called the aparents, and off to the hospital we went. They hooked my up to all of these monitors, and were monitoring my contractions. Surprisingly, they weren't bad, and they were very sporatic. I remember my mom and Janet both telling me "Oh, you are having another contraction!!!" I also remember telling them both, "I know, I can feel them!!!"

So a bunch of time had passed I am sitting indian style on my bed at a 90 degree angle. At 10 pm, I was dialted to 6 cm, and the dr started potossin (to help me along). Still nothing at about 2 am, the doc wanted to get me prepped for a c section, and an angel of a nurse came in to give me one last internal. I don't know what she did, but she kinda did a sweeping motion and broke the remaining membrane. I went up to 10 cm almost immediatly!!! It was storming so bad outside, I remember wondering what if the lights go out. They kept putting off my epidural because I wasn't having bad contractions, now it was too late!! The doc kept telling me to push, and I kept asking her how many more??? My mom was holding my hand on one side, Janet was holding my other hand, both coaching me and encouraging me. Adad was hovered behind the reclining chair!!! LOL. Then the doc said that she was going to have to cut me. At this point I was like I don't care what you do!!! The last push and she was born at 2:43 am on July 30, 1994, 8 lbs 3 oz. Right on the due date I was given. I was the first on to ask what sex she was, she was never shown to me. Then here we go again, the doc was practically sitting on my stomach, pushing the afterbirth out, then she had to stich me up. I got put iin a room, alone, mom went home exhausted, and Janet and Paul were with the baby. I cried, and cried. The nurse came in the morning while no one was there, and asked me if I wanted to go to the nursery to see her, I was crying (like I actually am now) and I said no. She asked me if I wanted her to bring her to me so I can at least hold her. Again, I said no. When she asked why, I said because I didn't want to break Janet and Paul's hearts, and if I hold her, I will want to take her with me. Then she asked me if I would like her to take a couple polaroids of her so I could always keep them. That time I said yes!!! She was the greatest nurse!!! My mom stopped in later that night, on her way out with her boyfriend, and the next day, Janet and Paul came to give me a necklace and a pendant before they took Nicole home. Then later I was discharged to go home, with my uncle and family there visiting, to pretend that I didn't just give birth!!! I saw her for the first time that December, and at least once a year since then. Up until the past 2 years since Janet's passing.

As far as my following 2 babies, I had c sections for both, and as well remember every little detail of their births!!!!!

XOXOXOXOXOXO
Lilly

[Annmairi]

I've had 5 babies and I remember the births all very vividly.

I'll be very honest, I don't have a lot of respect for OB's. My first two were delivered at the hospital by OB's. The middle 2 were delivered at the hospital by a midwife who worked with an OB. The 5th was born at home with a midwife (and 2 student midwives). If I could go back and do them all over again...they would ALL be at home with a midwife. And yes...pain or no pain...I would love to go back and do them all over again.

But to the topic at hand....the birth of the daughter I placed for adoption. I had to be induced because I was about a week past my due date. I went straight from the OB's office to the hospital where they did PG gel. That didn't get me far so they sent me home and scheduled me to come in at 6 am for Pitocin.

Unbeknownst to me, I was having contractions all night. I had some lower back pain, but nothing that made me think I was actually in early labor.

My adoption counselor picked me up and drove me to the hospital...and she commented on me pushing on my back. She said I was in labor...having contractions. I said, "No I am not. It's just a little pain in my back."

We got there at 6 am, but they did not have me all set up and IV'd with Pitocin flowing until nearly 10 am. At 10 am I was 4 cm. I was dead set against an epidural and I wasn't in any pain even though the meter was showing my contractions were pretty strong.

The nurse kept insisting that I was going to need something for pain relief. I finally gave in to her nagging, but only for a dose of Stadol.

At 10 am, both my mother and my best friend called to find out how it was going. The nurse and OB were saying it would be later int he evening.

The Stadol made me doze off in between contractions. I wasn't really feeling them, but I was aware of them. AT 10:20 I told my counselor, "I have to push." She laughed at me and said, "No you don't. You were only 4 cm a few minutes ago. And your contractions are all over the place. Just wait a few more contractions." I told her that I had been waiting, but I kept falling asleep. She condeded to get the nurse. The nurse checked me...I was at 9.5 cm. The nurse allowed me to push.

I pushed for an hour, but I wasn't getting anywhere...or rather than baby wasn't getting anywhere. I had an anterior lip...a part of my cervix had not dilated and I had been pushing against it and it was now swollen and inflammed.

So, the doctor pulled for the next hour. I remember watching him pick up the knife and I remember yelling at him not to cut me. He sneered at me, "Do you want to tear?" I yelled back, "Yes." He waited a little while longer, but then he cut me...and did so aggressively.

My daughter was delivered via forceps at 12:18 pm (although her birth record says 12:20 because they 'rounded up').

As soon as she was born I told my counselor to call the adoptive family...which she did.

A little while later my best friend showed up. She had come straight from work after picking up her daughter. --- My mother rolled in about 3 pm that afternoon. she looked at me lying in bed and said, "Are you flat?" We had tried to call her as she was just getting out of school, but apparently the school hadn't caught her before she left. She just decided to go shopping after school. (Yup. That's my mother.)

After the birth, I had trouble peeing...like I couldn't at all...even though my bladder was very full. I asked one nurse just to get a catheter, but she insisted I do it on my own. I waited 3 hrs from that conversation. I finally got her to help me. She couldn't believe how full my bladder was. Well, DUH! But then they wouldn't take my IV out UNTIL I went on my own...which I never did and ended up lying to them that evening just to get that out of there.

I spent the evening filling out my daughters paperwork with the name her adoptive family had chosen for her. I didn't have to do it, but I chose to do it. I figured it would be less of a hassle for them if they didn't have to redo her ss info and birth info.

At midnight the nursery nurse brought my daughter back to me to give her her bottle. This nurse was the only one who decided not to treat me in a stand-offish way. Everyone else was scared to treat me like a new mother.
--- Anyway, I was feeding my daughter when the fire alarm went off and my door to my private room disconnected from the wall and shut. I was in the dark with my baby for 3 hrs! With my wonderful episiotomy I wasn't as functual so I couldn't manuever with the baby in my arms to reach the nurse call button. So..I sat there in the pitch black of the room until they did their rounds and found me in the dark with the baby. It wasn't horrible...just very annoying.

The next morning I was discharged and we (myself, my counselor, & my mom) drove to the house of the agency owners. We hung out with the adoptive parents...taking pictures etc....for about 3 hrs. Then my mom and I left....and they stayed to finish all their paperwork and such.

We weren't to the end of block before my mother said, "If you had wanted to keep her, I would have helped you." I looked out my window and cried as silently as possible because I was miffed at her completely insensivite and absurd words. I guess that was her way of "comforting" me.

Well, there it is...my very long...birth story from May of 1992 when I gave birth to my daugter whom I placed for adoption.