[SchmennaLeigh]

For those of us firstparents involved in an open adoption, what ONE THING do you/would you want your child to know? For random reasons: the adoption is closing. You're dying. The world is ending. What have you. You've got one chance to make sure this child understands what it is that you want them to know, to their core. What is this thing and how do you tell them? In person? In letter?

I find this interesting because all too often we concern ourselves with the little things (which are also important) and forget that there is one big thing that we want our child to know... and it varies for each of us. What's that one thing? What's the thing that if you lost contact with them for some reason... and they DIDN'T know that thing... you would feel guilt forever?

[mamacrina]

I'm very sorry to see that this post hasn't received any responses. Maybe the idea is too painful to consider? I would be interested to hear what ya'll think...

[Tigger27]

This definitely is a hard question and goes right for the gut so to speak. It is painful in a way to think of the one thing you'd want your child to know if the world were ending etc. and I've found it rather difficult to really narrow it down to just one thing I'd want my girls to know.

I'm not sure how to really answer the question so I haven't really said anything. I suppose if I had to only say one thing, but realistically I'd probably write a long letter with many things in it to them.

I'd want them to know about God, how much He loves them and other personal religious beliefs of mine that their families share and they are being raised with.

Also, one thing or one of the things that would be most important for my girls to know is how much I deeply, unconditionally and for always have loved them, do love them and always will forever love them with every fiber of my being, heart and soul, no matter what.

I'd also want them to know that they weren't a mistake, they were a blessing to me and my life and it wasn't that I placed them because I didn't want them, it was that I placed them because I wanted to give them the world and everything and I couldn't do it myself and I knew the best way to give them everything was to place them with their parents.

See, l already started going off and couldn't even just write just one thing, but that's an idea of the 'one' thing I'd want my girls to know if I were dying or the world were ending or what have you.

Basically, the root of the 'one' things I've listed above is God and unconditional love. So, the 'one' thing is everything and everything is that 'one' thing I'd want my girls to know, if that makes any sense.

Anne

[mamacrina]

I bet dd's bmom would say something similiar. It IS a difficult question because of the enormity of the moment and the terribleness (?? not the word, but can't think of it) of the idea of not being able to add to that statement later on. Makes your heart seize up.

Goodness. Thank you for posting, T. And congrats on graduating this year! :0)

[Tigger27]

Thanks for the congrats .

I know what you're trying to say with the word "terribleness", but can't think of the other word either, but definitely what I was thinking also.

I actually try to write letters to each of my girls at least once a year on their birthday or more and tell them a lot of those things already in their letters so hopefully if the world were ending or something, I'd have already expressed to them a lot of these things I want them to know.

[Montraviatommyg]

Good thread hope there will be more responses.

Pip

[Annmairi]

With my daughter being 14, I don't think there is anything I haven't told her....anything I am holding back.

The only thing we haven't talked about is her birthfather. I know I explained the situation with he and I in the letters I wrote for her during the first year. But so far, he has never been mentioned...or brought up. There may come a day when she asks and I will answer as best I can.

I don't remember the circumstances, but last year we had a discussion about "who" she looked like. I think this was just between her mother and I, but I remember sharing the info with her at dinner one night. I told that she looks a lot like her paternal aunt. But she never asked about her bfather.