[SchmennaLeigh]

Do you write to your birthchild? (Letters, emails, cards; whatever. All included!) What do you say? How do you address your child? For those with younger kids, what do you talk about?

Have you written the "big letter" that explains placement reasoning?

How often do you write? Do you feel as though you should write more?

And what is and is not appropriate to discuss in letters to your child? (Obviously, this will vary from family to family.)

Edited to add: I am not talking about writing to the adoptive parents. I am specifically talking about writing letters TO your birthchild. Just clarifying!

[EmorysMamma]

I voted yes, but I have only written to my daughter once. It was in a card and I wrote it a few days before she was born. It was "THE letter" explaining why I placed her. I told N and N (her aparents) that they could read it if they wanted to, but I don't know if they have or not. I haven't written a letter to her since, but I did give her a birthday card when she turned 1. I'm not sure when I'll write her again becuse I'm not sure what I would write.

[saxxxy]

I voted for my daughter's Birth Mom. My daughter is two and her Birth Mother has never written her a letter.

[taramayrn]

Hmm I voted no, because I don't really send him letters, but I have to change my mind because I do send cards. I have sent my son one letter after placement telling him the reasons why etc? The reason I don't write to my son is because I see him so frequently.

[kitkat582497]

I wright Hope all the time... Monthly right now... but later I'm going to go down to every 3 months then 6 then 1 just couse I don't want her to have alot to read when shes 18

[scarlet52698]

I wrote my son a letter when I placed him and then the adoption was closed.

Last year it opened up again and I've written him four times. He isn't ready to respond yet but his mom has. So I plan to keep my letters to him down to once a year (unless something changes). I don't want to overwhelm him or make him feel like he is obligated to write back.

As far as what should/should not be said. I always try to keep everything positive. I did share some of my past with him (and his family) so that they would be aware of possible medical conditions that are genetic.

[Tigger27]

I write to each of my girls a separate letter when I write to their aparents a lot of the time.

I write an individual letter, note or e-mail for my 3 yr old on her birthday, Christmas, Valentines Day, Halloween etc. and I write her once in a while other than those times.

I write an individual letter, note or e-mail for my 16 mo old about once a month or more for now, but I'll probably space them out more like I do with my 3 yr old as she gets older - it all depends .

[bromanchik]

I used to when he lived farther away. Now I see him all the time.

[lahdh4]

When I send a quick card I usually just write something quick in it. That will probably change when she is older but for right now it is just hope you are doing well and not running everyone ragged.

[Moongrl22]

I voted NO. I did write a couple of letter within the first few years to her adoptive parents. One letter was set aside until she is 18 yrs old. Other than that I've moved on with my life. I'm happy to know her new family is treating her wonderful and I'm at peace with that.

[Kitti]

I am a bmom from the closed adoption time in the early 80s. I have not written anything to my bdaughter that she has seen, but I have written her a letter every year on her birthday and I hope to one day give them to her. I alos wrote her the big letter about why she is here, her bfather and I, and her placement into the family she knows. I don't know if she will ever be interested in any of these things but they will be here when and if she is ready for them.
Kitti

[Free_to_be_me]

I write letters to all sorts of people all the time, so it is very natural that I write to my birthdaughter. I usually just write whatever-what is going on in my life, questions about hers, next visits, etc. I have not written "the big letter" because I see her often enough that we are able to talk about it. I have written a memoir of sorts about my pregnancy and the first year or so afterwards that I will give her someday-maybe.

[Moongrl22]

I have written to the Aparents for the first few years. They sent pictures of her. It just got harder and harder to see her grow up and not be part of her life. I stopped contact after I became a mother and wife. I hope I did the right thing, It wasn't because I stopped caring. It just got extremely hard for me to deal with the fact that she wasn't part of my life. Do I have regrets? Yes. I suffered depression and sadness. I couldn't undo the past and I longed for her to be part of my life and my children's life.
I'm not really sure what to say to her about not writing her parents over the years. Why I didn't stay in contact. She is 17 yrs old now and recently I got a card from her and a picture. I cried, and cried. I sent her two email and she thanked me for them. I expressed my love for her and how important she is to me. I don't really know what to do next. Part of me says let her make the next contact. If she wants a relationship with me, I'm here for her. I want to have a relationship with her but I don't want to be pushy. I'm not trying to take over as her mother. She has a mother and father and I respect that. I just want her to know me as her Bmom who loved her so much I let her go because I wanted a better and blessed life for her.
When I was pregnant with her I was alone, single and didn't have much to offer finacially. It would have been a struggle to raise her on my own.

Believe me when I say I wanted to send her birthday cards every year but I didn't. I wanted to call her mom and dad and ask how she is doing but I didn't. I guess I just came to terms with the fact that when I gave her up for adoption, I had to let go and move on with my life. I'm not exactly sure what the future brings for us. Again I have to trust God and leave it in his hands.

[Moongrl22]

Overall I meant what I just said but now that my daughter has made contact. I have so many things that I want to say to her and I'm not sure what to say, how to say it. Her parents have done a wonderful job raising her. She is an amazing person, I couldn't be happier for how her life has turned out. God has done his magic work through out her life.

Originally Posted by Moongrl22

I voted NO. I did write a couple of letter within the first few years to her adoptive parents. One letter was set aside until she is 18 yrs old. Other than that I've moved on with my life. I'm happy to know her new family is treating her wonderful and I'm at peace with that.

[mom2GRLC]

I just want to let you know that as an adoptive Mom I think letters are wonderful. I think they are so importnat because you just never know what might happen in life wether your going to live till your 100 or wether you might go in a week.

I think it's so important to have things written down, so that the answers, stories, feelings, experiences are always available for the child.

I'm that way with everything though....not just birthfamilies I'm a big fan of writing journals and taking pictures and that sort of thing....preserving memories forever. If I die early someday(like my mom did) I want my kids to have an opportunity to hear my words, know me, maybe learn from my experiences, just feel connected to me.

I can't think of a greater priveledge a birthchild can have....to have the intimate realtionship with their birthfamily....one on one dialogue...to share your hopes, feelings, dreams, life...soul....it's just so special