[SchmennaLeigh]

....about open adoption, what would it be?


Discuss.

[taramayrn]

Hmm I have to choose just one?! Sorry can't...

1. It isn't coparenting.

2. I will not come and steal my child back.

3. It isn't easy.

4. No the adoptive parents aren't just "nice" but they believe that it is in our child's best interest to know me.

5. It is best for my child.

[Tigger27]

I second the things that Tara listed .

[coco46]

I can't choose one thing either.

Here's a couple of things...

1. It's not "confusing" for a child to know his or her biological family on an ongoing basis. Just as ANY parents can have aunts, uncles, cousins, good friends, grandparents, godparents, and many other people who love their child and are loved by the child, but who ARE NOT confused with the child's mommy and daddy, so the adopted child can know and love their birth family without diminishing their forever family in any way.

2. Birth family members are not out to "kidnap" or reclaim their bchild. This misconception makes me very, very sad. Whatever feelings of regret or sadness or other issues we have going on in our own lives, we're not waiting in the wings to sabotage our bchild's family so they can "come home" to us or any such nonsense. We don't show up, lurking in the shrubbery at 3 am, demanding a Christmas visit. We aren't going to demand that (adoptive) parents forgo Thanksgiving with their own moms and dads so that we can see our bchild that day. We're people a lot like you. We have our own family stuff going on just like you do, so we know that holidays and birthdays and stuff are hectic already. Don't think that if we say "Hey, can we get together around Christmas?" and you're going on a cruise for the entire holidays that we won't understand or we'll be mad at you. We do understand. Just like with other people who are important to us, we're willing to work with you and make arrangements that are acceptable for everyone, not just "us".

We also know your child has grandmas and grandpas, and cousins, sisters, brothers, etc. in your family already. We don't want to take away from that. We'd like to add to the roster of people who love and care for them, not take over. Having dinner with their bparents a few times a year or meeting their bgrandma for a nice afternoon in the park isn't going to make your child love you or your/their extended family any less. We promise.

3. We are here to support our bchild, your child, to help insure that their questions are answered and that they can feel safe and secure in asking us questions about their roots. We're also here to support you, their families, and to cheer you on as their parents. We're NOT here to criticize, to question you as parents, or to try and co-parent.

Again, this isn't meant to make anyone feel bad about their own situations. It's just some thoughts on what open adoption means to me.

[taramayrn]

Originally Posted by coco46

1. It's not "confusing" for a child to know his or her biological family on an ongoing basis. Just as ANY parents can have aunts, uncles, cousins, good friends, grandparents, godparents, and many other people who love their child and are loved by the child, but who ARE NOT confused with the child's mommy and daddy, so the adopted child can know and love their birth family without diminishing their forever family in any way.

Oh I knew I missed one. Great list Coco.

[kitkat582497]

mine would have to be the fact that the word Birthmom is not a bad world its a wonderful term that means sooo many things... And that even thow we may not be raise the child/children we gave birth to at lest we love them sooo much that we gave them life like God wanted...

[lahdh4]

I just have to copy what the others have said.

1) it is not confusing
2) we will not kidnap your child (this one still urks me)
3) it is about the child not the adults involved. the child is first and foremost.

[MommaKatja]

DITTO!!! ya'll have covered my wish list

[evildishrag]

I'd like to build a world a home and furnish it with love
Grow apple trees and honey bees and snowwhite turtle doves

I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony
I'd like to hold it in my arms and keep it company

I'd like to see the world for once all standing hand in hand
And hear them echo through the hills for peace throughout the land

That's the song I hear - let the world sing today

A song of peace that echoes on and never goes away
Put your hand in my hand help me find the way

[Mommy24]

That the agreement wasnt "just" for me, that I wanted it for the benefit of my bson to be able to always know where I was so he wouldnt have to "search" and that I would be available to answer any quetions he might have that his parents couldnt.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally Posted by evildishrag

I'd like to build a world a home and furnish it with love
Grow apple trees and honey bees and snowwhite turtle doves

I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony
I'd like to hold it in my arms and keep it company

I'd like to see the world for once all standing hand in hand
And hear them echo through the hills for peace throughout the land

That's the song I hear - let the world sing today

A song of peace that echoes on and never goes away
Put your hand in my hand help me find the way

*giggles* Yes, I was thinking the same thing when I posted the thread. I was wondering if anyone else would catch on.

I'll post mine later. I swear!

[Marimar]

if it was possible I would teach the world :

1- Most of the birthmothers deeply love and miss their birth children.

2- Open adoption does not take away the pain and there is still lots of psychological work to do. Adoption is never an easy way out. Open adoption should never be sugar coated for expectant mothers.

3- Open adoption benefits all parties involved and especially the child.

4- in most states open adoption is not legally binding but if a promisse is given it should be kept. Otherwise there can be severe consequences.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally Posted by Marimar

I am not from the traid but I guess if it was possible I would teach the world that :
.

If you're not from the triad why does your profile say that you're an adoptee?

[Marimar]

My roommate was adopted. That is how I found the forms. I felt kind of wierd to write here at the beginning . I will change my profile.

I love respect and even sometimes pray for the people here. They are wonderful and I really learned lots of things from them in regards with life.

By the way you are doing a fantastic job here in such a short time. Very good topics.

[SchmennaLeigh]

That "normal" is different for every single family so, therefore, those involved in open adoptions are not "abnormal."

Yes.