Coercion/Pressure by ANYONE?

SchmennaLeigh · #1 03-20-2006, 05:33 AM

I've been having talks and this has been a running theme. Instead of making a separate poll for absolutely anyone who could pressure an expectant parent to place a child, I'm now switching to a catch-all poll. It's multiple choice.

If you want to discuss anything about the topic, feel free.

Montraviatommyg · #2 03-20-2006, 07:22 AM

Having gone through what I did I strongly believe that women shouldn't feel pressured or coerced by anybody. If a woman chooses adoption for her child then fair enough but before she decides then all options should be discussed equally.

Pip

SchmennaLeigh · #3 03-20-2006, 07:23 AM

I agree, Pip. *hugs*

Mitzi · #4 03-20-2006, 08:10 AM

Great poll!! It is amazing the % that people voted under agency/social worker. I can remember the SW that was appointed to me through the agency I went through. She called me the day after the birth, asking if I was ready to sign...that she was getting ready to catch a flight out of town and wouldn't be back for a couple of day's...and that the adoptive couple was asking about me. She sounded VERY disappointed when I told her I needed a few days. The most helpful person was the SW in the hospital.

michellemartin · #5 03-20-2006, 11:44 AM

At my agency, I didn't feel pressured, but I do think that they did pressure other women at times. (Conversations I had overheard). In all, I think the agency I went through is fairly ethical and pressure to place is minimal compared to the stories I've heard about other agencies. I do have a continuing relationship with the agency and since I've placed I haven't noticed any pressure on the girls and none have mentioned to me that they feel that the agency wants them to place. One girl did tell me she felt terrible for changing her mind because of the ap's, but it wasnt that they were pressuring her to place with them, just that she felt bad for bringing them into the situation and then backing out of it.

***taramayrn*** · #6 03-20-2006, 12:27 PM

I'd say that I felt coerced by my mom and by society. I will say my mom never threatened, but I knew she didn't want us to parent the baby. So I'd say that it was very slight and unintentional but it was still coercion.

MelissaJohnson · #7 03-20-2006, 02:52 PM

I think I did it to myself. Not that it was a bad thing but I didn’t look at the option of parenting and I didn’t look at the negative consequences of adoption, I didn’t let myself see them. So I definitely coerced myself.

***taramayrn*** · #8 03-20-2006, 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MelissaJohnson

I think I did it to myself. Not that it was a bad thing but I didn’t look at the option of parenting and I didn’t look at the negative consequences of adoption, I didn’t let myself see them. So I definitely coerced myself.

Ah, great answer Melissa...can I steal your answer? I think that yes, the biggest form of coercion placed upon me, was from me. I didn't allow myself to entertain the thought of parenting my son.

happygmom · #9 03-20-2006, 03:44 PM

The most oververt coersion/pressure on my daughter was the Internet with its huge advertising presence and two agencies that she contacted.

More subtle pressure was everywhere. Just the lack of information on parenting in an unplanned pregnancy was discouraging. That was remedied to some extent by the information and shared experiences on adoption.com.

A special category - Many friends and coworkers had friends who were looking for an infant to adopt. I was stunned by the number of amatuer adoption brokers who approached us. Of course, all were ill-informed and some came right out and told us that were selfish to want to keep our grandson and that our daughter would "bail" on her responsibilities. We heard a LOT of "But think how happy your daughter could make a deserving couple by giving them the gift of a child."

Once we realized that we needed to protect ourselves, we were very careful about screening medical personnel. For the most part, they were neutral to mildly supportive. One nurse at the hospital did approach me about a deserving friend who desperately wanted a baby and who could spare us the "burden" that our daughter had dropped in our laps.

What is this "deserving" stuff all about?

On the postive side, the priest at our church was wonderful and our immediate families were just amazing.

Happy G'Ma

***taramayrn*** · #10 03-20-2006, 03:49 PM

I just wanted to add - my mom isn't a bad person. I think she just wanted us to be able to do everything we wanted to and I think she felt that parenting a baby before we were ready would stop us.

happygmom · #11 03-20-2006, 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FH-taramayrn

I just wanted to add - my mom isn't a bad person. I think she just wanted us to be able to do everything we wanted to and I think she felt that parenting a baby before we were ready would stop us.

Yup! She did what she thought was best for you. That does not make her a bad person at all! A few my friends told me that I am a bad mother for not adopting my grandson thereby freeing my daughter to "live her life". Can't win!

Happy G'Ma

***taramayrn*** · #12 03-20-2006, 04:12 PM

Thanks Gma...you are right, we all did what we thought was best. You are not a bad mother...far from it.

***taramayrn*** · #13 03-20-2006, 04:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by happygmom

What is this "deserving" stuff all about?
Happy G'Ma

Ugh, no kidding. Just because I was young, unmarried and couldn't afford to parent a baby on my own doesn't mean I wasn't "deserving" of him. Money and age isn't everything. Just makes me so mad I can't even think straight.

View Poll Results: Did you feel pressured coerced by anyone to place your child?
No.	13	33.33%
Yes, my family. (Anyone related to you.)	16	41.03%
Yes, my friends.	4	10.26%
Yes, the child's biological father.	8	20.51%
Yes, the agency/social worker.	15	38.46%
Yes, the adoptive family once a match was initiated.	6	15.38%
Yes, society in general.	13	33.33%
Yes, the hospital staff or doctor's office where I received prenatal care.	4	10.26%
Yes, the child's biological father's family.	4	10.26%
Yes, someone of religious importance.	5	12.82%
Yes, my counselor who was not attached to the agency/social worker.	0	0%
Yes, the child's biological mother. (For our birthfathers here.)	1	2.56%
Yes, the child's biological mother's family. (Birthfathers again.)	1	2.56%
Yes, people on the internet.	2	5.13%
Yes, other birthparents who told me of their good experiences.	2	5.13%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 39. You may not vote on this poll

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