[happygmom]

Originally Posted by stinky_kitty

I tried to stay in my house as much as possible just so I wouldn't have to put up with it.

My daughter wore a loose coat when she went out (in 2005!) because she said people were "jerks". I tried to tell her that it did not matter and that she was imagining things. I guess I was wrong. Later she did tell me that some of the women on her college campus were openly cruel and shouted horrible names at her. Thinking back, I may have had my head in the sand because I was trying to make her pregnancy a positive experience for all of us.

I am sorry that you had those experiences.

Happy G'Ma

[stinky_kitty]

Thanks Happy G'Ma. It was just a shocking eye opener, you know?

[taramayrn]

I think the ONLY reason I didn't get such comments, etc from people I didn't know was that I had a ring on my finger - a small gold band - a promise ring from Chad.

[michellemartin]

16 and pg, I didn't get those kinds of looks. I worked in the mall and regularly walked aimlessly when my shift was done. Maybe I looked older? Who knows... but then I didn't even start to "show" in a noticably pregnant sort of fashion until month seven so maybe by that point I was just so sick of being pregnant that I didn't notice, but I guess I think it would be hard to not notice nasty looks!
When I was that young and pg, the only person in my life who was embarassed about my pregnancy was my dad. And being one of nearly 20 pregnant teenagers in my school at the time, I didn't get dirty looks there either... acutally, most of them seemed almost jealous! Crazy thing to be jealous of, but I had two people in my classes fake a pregnancy and proclaim a miscarriage at the third month... I think they thought I was faking for a bit as well.

[FauxClaud]

Ummm, did it to myself is pretty good.

But I do recall an overwhelming call of "You will ruin your life if you have a baby"

Hmm..ruin my life? Well at least I wouldn't be here. Geez..all the hours on the internet discussing how I didn't "ruin my life"..heck..I could have a much more exciting life really if I wasn't tied to my keyboard.

[noahsandpeanutsmoms]

I felt okay with my choice until the aparents got here. They are from NY and had to Fly in for the birth and were at the hospital for the entire time and I refuse to sign my papers while I was in the hospital due to the fact he was doing so well and I wasnt going to give my parental rights until I knew he would be okay. So alt of the pressure came then when I thought about all the money and time they could have saved if I would of changed my mind before hand, but I couldnt break their hearts now, they had come to far.

[SchmennaLeigh]

I got a lot of nasty looks and a few off-color comments. (The comments were much worse than the looks, obviously.) I looked about fourteen years old because, due to being quite ill, I had no energy for makeup.

While we've come a long way as a society, in a lot of places and social circles, single parenting still carries a huge stigma as does teen pregnancy. Then again, we point fingers at single teen moms but, if they place their baby for adoption, we call them other names. It's a lose-lose situation.

Sigh.

[scarlet52698]

I was in an unwed mothers home so when we went out in public there were 10-15 pregnant girls all walking together. We got lots of stares and snide remarks.

Made it difficult to even contemplate the joys of motherhood when everyone around you looked at you like you were a disease infected harlot.

[happygmom]

Originally Posted by FH-scarlet52698

Made it difficult to even contemplate the joys of motherhood when everyone around you looked at you like you were a disease infected harlot.

I am so sorry that you were exposed to that. Did you get counseling in the home to help you deal with those feelings? Did the SWs encourage you to spend time with your baby after birth? Just curious how long ago that was and if the homes have changed at all.

I will say that toward the end of my daughter's pregnancy she got over the feelings of shame. My husband and I made sure that she got out socially with family and friends (she worked FT until one week before birth so did not have a lot if time!). Her medical practice (all young women) were WONDERFUL. One of her MDs chided her for "acting 19th century".

Happy G'Ma

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally Posted by happygmom

Her medical practice (all young women) were WONDERFUL. One of her MDs chided her for "acting 19th century".

Happy G'Ma

Again, more rare than you think. My medical staff, both for prenatal and delivery, were complete idiots. They didn't shirk at sharing their opinions on my unwed status. I even got a hard time from one nurse when I delivered my Son last November (whilst married, mind you) because she misread my chart and thought that I was unmarried.

People need to learn that their opinions are just that. Sigh.

[MommaKatja]

I felt pressure from my family my boyfriend and his family but now I feel really good about my decision the problem is that my 18 year old sister is now parenting her baby and I'm a little pissed at times that she didn't get the same pressure from our family I did. I'm not sure if why I'm angry since I KNOW I made the right choice especially when I see the hard time my sister is having but it just doesn't seem fair...

[happygmom]

Originally Posted by FH-SchmennaLeigh

Again, more rare than you think. My medical staff, both for prenatal and delivery, were complete idiots. They didn't shirk at sharing their opinions on my unwed status. I even got a hard time from one nurse when I delivered my Son last November (whilst married, mind you) because she misread my chart and thought that I was unmarried.

People need to learn that their opinions are just that. Sigh.

So sad to hear about your experience with the "wonderful" medical profession (in the US? please don't tell me that they are the same everywhere!) I can't say enough good things about my daughter's medical practice. They were very supportive and encouraging but also kept an ear open for any signs that my daughter's living situation might not be okay. We respected the way they dealt with that aspect of their responsibilites. They never once refered to her as an "unwed" mother or even breathed adoption as a "cure" for her "situation". I have heard many stories where doctors still try to procure babies for their friends.

The hospital where my daughter delivered was not too bad. She had a little trouble with one nurse (she kept looking me when she gave instructions about the baby!), and the social worker was a nosey old bat. We talked with our daughter about problems that she might encounter in the hostital, so she was prepared to tell them to mind their own business. And she did with the SW. She is getting to be just like "Happy G'Ma"!

Ah, let the age of enlightment come soon!

Happy G'Ma

[taramayrn]

My doctor never preached to me but he made it clear that he didn't think openness in adoption is a good thing. He also tried to convince me to put my baby in the nursery (babes room in here and that's what I made clear that I wanted). Thank god my mom was there when he said that and said "no she's having the baby with her".

[happygmom]

Originally Posted by FH-taramayrn

My doctor never preached to me but he made it clear that he didn't think openness in adoption is a good thing. He also tried to convince me to put my baby in the nursery (babes room in here and that's what I made clear that I wanted). Thank god my mom was there when he said that and said "no she's having the baby with her".

Hooray! Another pushy G'Ma! Sometimes I feel like such am abberation When do doctors and nurses have the time to get their degrees in social engineering anyway - geezz?

Happy G'Ma